ADHD

I joined a baseball team. Half the club is like-minded. You get a bit of social pressure to show up each week, but it's nothing like having to show up for school. Play in the lowest grade and you get a bunch of people that just want to play a friendly game.

Oh, and there's almost zero obligation to be involved off-field.

I found that online games that force communication and cooperation are a great way to practice talking to new people. PULSAR: Lost Colony, Void Crew, and Jump Space are where I've made most of my friends.

The downside is that most of your friends will live in different countries. The upside is that the practice really does help, and you get to meet people in a low pressure environment where you can leave whenever you want.

The easiest way to make new friends is to be around people in social settings where you have the opportunity to find someone who clicks with your preferred way of communicating. A dedicated ADHD group may or may not work, but it would be a possibility.

I haven't made new friends for decades because the small group I have filtered down to the current group because we stayed in touch. I have had opportunities, but nobody else has clicked or been a good fit to loop in. Occasionally we have new people join in and fade out. I am not the one who adds to the group because my ADHD works well with about four other people.

Can't imagine starting over somewhere new without knowing someone already.

I like to volunteer. That way there is a built-in thing to talk about, and it's generally okay to not veer off that too much? Pick something you are interested in 😊

There are so many different ways you can volunteer and many different activities. I've done things as diverse as the water stations at triathlons (standing and handing things out) to being on the board of a not-for-profit (lots of meetings), to serving meals with fnb (cooking and cleaning).

I also take classes, such as in a pottery studio.

All these are opportunities to meet people and be social but with no pressure. You know you have at least one thing in common! If you find someone you vibe with them you can become closer friends but if not you still make task-specific acquaintances.

I don't 🤷‍♂️

Learn only to change the topic if the previous one has concluded naturally or there's a silence long enough to make a new question (eg, you seen that new movie?) seem like less of a non sequitur and more of an invitation to discuss something else common. Beyond that, it's just about finding friends with diverse interests who are down for wide-ranging conversations.

Also, try forcing yourself to value some small talk and not just think to yourself "ahhhh this is pointless and/or I already know where it's going!" Cuz hey, if someone is a friend, I'm willing to hear what they think about the weather, and maybe they'll surprise you once in a while. Recognize it as something others are genuinely looking for and that you can provide (and come to enjoy!) rather than a burden or annoyance you have to go through, a sorta fake it to make it thing for us folks whose brains are go go go.

Maybe not an ADHD community, but rather joining communities for niches you like? I have a gut feeling it's easier to find potential friends if the person narrows down to that.

Know when to let go sometimes. When you can start to tell a friend is getting irritated by a discussion (or worse, a debate), drop it, even if it's naturally hard to do so. You're friendship isn't worth whatever inconsequential thing you are getting way too deep into.

There are a number of communities that are unrelated to ADHD but that naturally attract neurodivergent people. I am thinking of Burning Man community, sex positiveness/kinky/poliamory. No idea why but empirically the more the community is outside the “social norms” the more likely you’ll find neurodivergent folks