Recently went through an incident, let's call it, with someone I held dear. I tried to open up and be vulnerable with her, as my intention was to be completely honest so that she could get to know me. And she had a very unexpected reaction to it (insinuating I was guilt-tripping her by simply presenting that I was sad and having a hard time managing things, for instance, when prompted by her to expand upon my state of being - I'd just apologised in advance for any behaviour which might seem off, and the way in which I presented my feelings was strictly as they pertained to me, no accusatories or anything of the sort).
For context, I don't know exactly what kind of neurospicy I am, but I do feel pretty much all emotions more intensely than most people I've known - this is anecdotal and determined solely through discussions. My highs are very high, my lows are very low, everything in between is very vivid and immediate.
I have no trouble identifying my feelings and the factors which generate them (can even tell when it's fatigue, or hunger, or anything else purely physiological), and have always made it a point to carry them on my own - partly because I've been raised in a context in which having feelings was viewed as a no-no, so to speak, but mostly because I am perfectly aware that they're nobody else's business, and I don't even try to make it.
In short, I understand my feelings and, although their intensity makes it extremely hard to detach, they never spill out over others (like lashing out in anger, or accusing someone of making me feel in such-and-such way, stuff like that). The worst of it comes in the shape of taking a time-out, distancing myself from others precisely so that things won't accidentally spill over, and then trying to deal with stuff in a controlled environment, alone.
So why is it that when I open up (never unprompted and out of nowhere, to specify, and even not with most people) and let my internal processes, my feelings, and their intensity be seen, that a lot of people start... reeling, for lack of a better word? Why is it that people think that by showing them what's inside of me, I'm intrinsically trying to make it their business and not just me being, well... transparent, trying to be honest, trying to give them a perspective about myself that only I have?
This has happened in several cases so far - not all, mind you, there have been people who just took it as it was and understood the deal, but a statistically significant (I have no idea, I'm just sayin'...) amount of people have had a... less-than-positive reaction to my intensity. What is it about the way I feel things, the things I feel, basically why is my emotional world so... I wanted to say "off-putting," but I'd actually go for "frightening," to some people?
I've even had many people call me emotionally immature or unmanageable and this always left me confused, as the consensus among my various therapists has been that emotional immaturity is most certainly not one of my issues. Sure, I do have difficulties managing emotions sometimes due to their overwhelming intensity, but, again, I always recognise it as being my problem and my problem only, and I never involve others in the sense of "here, you handle this." It's always only to show them that "this is what I'm going through, this is why I'm off kilter right now, nothing to do with you, I'm doing my best to manage it."
Does anyone have any insight into this, or has anyone had similar experiences? I'm genuinely at a loss, and it's kinda' heartbreaking to see such reactions to my honest vulnerability.