this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2025
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Privacy

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I’ve been seeing this more and more in comments, and it’s got me wondering just how big this issue really is. A lot of people feel trapped in apps like Discord, WhatsApp, and Instagram, but can’t get their friends to leave.

It’s really annoying when you suggest trying something new, whether it’s a different app or just not using these platforms so much but sometimes it can feel like no one wants to go first.

So I’m curious, what apps do you feel most trapped in? And have you tried convincing your friends to leave them? What happened? Is it an issue for you, or are you just going along with the flow?

Looking forward to hearing if this is as common as it feels!

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[–] obsoleteacct@lemmy.zip 5 points 5 hours ago

Get their parents to sign up. Feels like grannies sharing minion memes and Bible verses was the end of facebook's cool era.

[–] doingthestuff@lemy.lol 10 points 8 hours ago

So just use something different yourself. Then ask your friends to communicate with you there. You don't need them to quit the old, you need to ask them to use something new.

[–] icelimit@lemmy.ml 11 points 9 hours ago

"privacy? Yeah whatever, they just use it to catch bad people right? I have nothing to hide. I don't have the time to learn all this VPN stuff. Don't forget to like my posts!"

[–] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 7 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

People will still use discord even if it got entirely banned, there just isn't a good alternative now that is clear

[–] VoxAliorum@lemmy.ml 3 points 4 hours ago

Not federated but a pretty good alternative coming up with Revolt - still has a good way to go though.

[–] mygoodsir@lemmy.ml 2 points 7 hours ago

Lol, what because you tried Matrix and it SUCKS on both client and server?

XMPP can have a whole ass facebook app built inside it called Movim and it can be accessed from any "homeserver". It can be far more than Discord will ever want to be, if the cats can be herded

If you don't use Matrix well I guess bc it's ubiquitous among squishy Linux and leftist communities for some godawful reason despite being Israeli-developed, US state dept funded, and idiot-maintained. They even have a slot for it on these lemmy accounts

[–] CatLikeLemming@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

I'm still on Discord because everyone else is there. I've moved my direct social connections, so most of the things I'd use Discord dms for on a daily basis, over to dedicated direct messaging services, but communities are so much harder to move over. You can't shuffle between a hundred and a thousand people over to another platform unless somehow most of the groups they're in move over at once.

And to what? Matrix communities are not as convenient, Revolt's voice chats are not as good and screen sharing wasn't a thing at all last I checked and it doesn't have a mobile client, and TeamSpeak is primarily voice-based.

[–] rickywithanm@aussie.zone 1 points 9 hours ago

I’m in the same boat too

[–] NoodlePoint@lemmy.world 3 points 12 hours ago

Because their other friends are on them, and the celebrities they follow.

[–] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 4 points 13 hours ago

People don't just stop using an app until there's very little activity.

Getting people to use a new app, especially one they have little activity on is inconvenient, especially if you're already checking WhatsApp, wechat, signal, telegram, LINE, Zalo, and discord because you have to many different friend groups.

[–] vivalapivo@lemmy.today 1 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Find new friends in Russia. These are banned there

[–] jenesaisquoi@feddit.org 1 points 8 hours ago

Russians still use these services, using VPNs. Source: I know some.

PS: Slava Ukraini!

[–] SupremeDonut@lemmy.ml 13 points 20 hours ago

People don't typically like change. It has to feel like it's their decision to drive them there.

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 6 points 17 hours ago (3 children)

I just cannot fathom how people use discord to communicate. Maybe if it's a very small group like ten people tops. But anything bigger? Seems like chaos.

[–] vithigar@lemmy.ca 3 points 9 hours ago

That's not a complaint specific to discord though. You just don't like large chatrooms.

[–] cheloxin@lemmy.ml 1 points 9 hours ago

Never been in IRC I take it?

[–] Puddinghelmet@lemmy.world 1 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

what's so complex about discord? Plus I thought it was made for big groups... I cannot fathom how you cannot fathom that it's really easy to use?

[–] duckworthy@sh.itjust.works 9 points 20 hours ago

People can’t be convinced of anything, it’s a losing battle to try. The only way to get people to change is to live a certain way and if people admire it, then they ask you about it and you share.

So for example-I’m a minimalist and I really wished my sister would declutter because her place is overcrowded. But instead of trying to convince her, I just shared what my life normally was like. Eventually she asked me for help decluttering, and she felt a lot better about what I helped with. Now we share cleaning and organization tips.

For me, I just put in my insta bio I left for Pixelfed and to come friend me there.

I’ve told my friends I’m off insta because I’d rather be on a platform where I control my feed that’s ad free. And that I rarely see my friends content on insta so it doesn’t matter that much to me to have friends on there. If they get interested, great if not, I’m still happy.

[–] Lettuceeatlettuce@lemmy.ml 7 points 20 hours ago

Discord for me. A bunch of my family and friends are avid gamers. Discord is the universal standard app they all use for general communication.

Not only do they use it for all their gaming related stuff, they have additional servers and channels for just chilling, chatting, off topic stuff, memes, politics, etc etc.

It's the network effect. Even if there was an open source app that perfectly replicated all the functionality of Discord and was just as simple to install and run as Discord, most of them still wouldn't switch to it, because all of their friends and family are still on Discord.

So they would have to have two completely separate apps with totally separate social groups to maintain, and nobody but hardcore advocates for FOSS and privacy are willing to do that.

Sure, I have Discord, Matrix, IRC, Signal, XMPP clients, and a Private Mumble server, all on my systems, but I'm hardcore about FOSS. None of my friends and family are willing to do that. It took all my energy to convince two of my most techie friends just to get Signal on their phones. And only One has been willing to install a Matrix client to chat just with me.

[–] spectraxil@lemmy.ml 19 points 1 day ago

It's because our marketing sucks. People don't care about their privacy, they like what is cool. So what does that mean? It mean we gotta make using open source app so cool that people can't help but join because all the cool kids are here. You feel me? Preaching alone is not enough although it will benefit all of us

[–] Paddy66@lemmy.ml 7 points 23 hours ago

Threaten them with having to communicate with you using email - they'll install Signal 😂

[–] Broken@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

SMS

Nobody wants to use a messaging app at all. At this point I'd rather be stuck on WhatsApp. But its all family. Big family and try to get them to agree on anything is like pulling teeth.

I even sent everybody a "contact card" I made with my links to signal, simplex, and even whatsapp (figuring that's the path of least resistance) saying I'd prefer to communicate on any of those apps. ZERO people changed nor did they even ask about it, options, or my reasoning.

[–] BlueberryWalnut@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I did a similar contact card thing for (real) people I cared about from Discord. 2 people installed signal to keep up. 20+ invites went out before I nuked they account. One person already had signal. The other one that installed it now ghosts all my signal comms attempts.

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 2 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

I tried to get friends to use Signal. It's hard because it's a new app they e never used. One flat out refuses to use anything other than SMS and one messaging app to avoid bloat, and the others it's just hard to get buy in when you're the only person they know using it.

[–] anon5621@lemmy.ml 2 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago)

If they like use so much sms convince them to use silence so it would give SMS encryption to messages https://f-droid.org/packages/org.smssecure.smssecure/

[–] Nightsoul@lemmy.world 3 points 22 hours ago

Because lot of people just either don't care, are too lazy to switch, or the vast majority of their friends and family still use the apps.

In addition, they may feel like they are losing out on something, especially for Instagram where a large portion of the population uses regularly.

[–] mrdown@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago

Probably the idea of "all my other friends are on the mainstream platform so why would i move to another platform specifically for you?"

[–] manuallybreathing@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 day ago

I ditched meta platforms entirely for signal in 2019, lets say I dont have many close friends anymore haha, my social life is kaput, even my work groupchat is on facebook

[–] LoafedBurrito@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

Comfort and scared of change. The dopamine these sites give you is close to sex for some people as weird as it sounds. So if you tell them to stop using Instagram, they can't process that and simply say no.

This is just part of human nature. Some of us are able to say "hey this website is run by horrible people and I refuse to support it." We leave and find other options and help them grow. We are in the minority.

Most people simply do not want to try something everyone else doesn't use cause they don't want to seem weird. Stupid societal norms.

[–] yogthos@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 day ago (3 children)

It's network effects. People have other friends on the network who have their own friends on the network, and so on. Leaving the network means convincing a critical mass of your network to leave along with you.

[–] twice_hatch@midwest.social 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

And it would be easier with good bridges, but of course the big platforms like Twitter, Facebook, etc., refuse to bridge in or out with anything.

You can scrape public Facebook feeds, using paid services, but AFAICT you need a friend on the inside to publish your stuff into Facebook.

I guess that's one reason I shouldn't complain about Bluesky - They support Bridgy.

[–] cheloxin@lemmy.ml 1 points 9 hours ago

Are there even public feeds anymore? Anytime I've gone to Facebook since deleting it wants me to login first, no matter what the link was to

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[–] Catalyst_A@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 22 hours ago

I have a anonymous IG to keep up with activist events. The dumb asses post their actions on Meta FIRST!!! I've already deleted or am in the process of deleting all META accounts and even though I use the Aluicord version of discord, it still has trackers. I never use discord. I enjoy Cleotri more. But I just straight up told people I'd be deleting them altogether. If they won't move off then they can hang themselves without me.

[–] geneva_convenience@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Because people keep pushing for them to completely leave a platform.

Instead try to get them to dual-use platforms.

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[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 6 points 1 day ago

Can't speak to the other apps but I have like 6 or 7 Discord servers that I'm actively involved in and a half dozen others I use sporadically. Even if I got all my friends to switch apps for our group chat I'd still need Discord for the servers I use and I'd rather not juggle two apps that are doing the same thing (actually already doing this with Discord and a text group chat and it's annoying as fuck). Also, switch to what?

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