I'll take things that never happened for $500, Alex.
(still kinda funny)
this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2025
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Than he threw a punch at me and I expertly dodged it. As he fell on the ground I said "you even fall like a snowflake"
I would have kept it going if our manager didn't interject and tell him he was fired! Than the manager gave me a high-five and a raise on the spot.
Then the whole office clapped.
Then the head of the U.N. called, declaring global peace forever.
Was that before or after the call indicating the fast-tracked approval for the Nobel Peace Prize in all categories?
The manager's name? Albert Einstein
I don't care if it didn't happen, it needs to
Grew up in a Football (Soccer) town. The local team was a fairly big deal and it was pretty much mandatory to be a fan if you lived there.
I was never into sports and started referring to Football as "that game where a bunch of very fit men in shorts and knee-socks, frolic in a grass-field".
It was not appreciated.
"Why would I want to watch 22 men running around in circles chasing a ball for 90+ minutes? Can't you just give them 22 balls and every one of them will be happy!?"
Also not an appreciated response, LOL
Whoever has the ball is it and all the other men have to chase after him, teehee.
It gets better than that. It's where two lines of buff men line up to checkout another line of men. The quarterback is the top position because he gets to check out his team, the opponents team, and decides who and when to give his balls to. After communicating who is going to be receiving him, both lines embrace and the other team tries to get the ball often by throwing themselves at the guy with the ball.
Sometimes they'll actually pile on each other when it's unclear if the guy with the ball has been stopped.
Edit: nonono wait.. the quarter back is a switch
Wrong football!
How do you tell the difference.
Someone in the comment chain specifically said something like football (soccer).
No I mean when watching them.
If they kick the ball more than once in a one minute period you're watching football (soccer). If you see helmets you're watching football (American).
Oh! Thank you!
Hahaha holy shit. I didn't realize that. Leaving it tho cause American football sounds even gayer now.
Because it is. It is known.
My personal variation of that was "20 men running after a ball so they can put it deep inside the other team's goal hole"
Reminds me of how I always declined, when someone passed a cigarette around:
So, you want me to take the tip of something longish, round, somewhat hard-but-still-soft and strange tasting into my mouth and then suck on it?! No, thanks.
As an outside observer American football really seems keen about making guys wear really tight white pants. And every play begins with the quarterback miming wanting to reach inside some guy's butt ffs
Every team sport is really an excuse for men to touch each other.
I was never into any team sports. At first I thought it was just boring. Now I wonder if it's because I'm just not attracted to other men at all.
I don't know about that. Attraction to your sports mates shouldn't be your motivator anyway, for various reasons. Also in volleyball at least I think you're supposed to make room when it's not your time to play the ball so you're not supposed to touch anyone.
Regarding the tight white pants in American football I don't know how it's not fanservice to ogle better, which I find funny since the proportion of fans saying stupid shit like not washing their asshole because gay is probably alarmingly high
Man that's similar to my take on baseball.
Tall, super-model-fit men swing wood at balls pitched by other men.
Straight guy who enjoys baseball here -- youre not wrong!
At least baseball doesn't need to have a squad of attractive women bouncing around in skirts on the sidelines to affirm the viewers' sexuality.
It does offer about the same amount of (in)action as 'murican handegg
I remember reading an analysis of in-play vs idle time of several popular pro sports, and American football was dead last, even behind baseball.
Which is fine on its own, but pretty ironic given how so many American football fans seem to sneer on soccer for being too boring.
Watching things you don't understand is generally boring.
a squad of attractive women bouncing around in skirts on the sidelines
I always thought they put them there because without them there'd literally be nothing about the whole affair worth watching.
You know I never understood the point of cheerleaders other than being fun to look at.
Your explanation makes way more sense.
Lol this is me basically. I find sports especially areas with heavily sport focused culture off putting and honestly revolting
I feel like that scene with the Joker explaining how people react to others getting shot. There were two school shootings that day and the children getting shot got basically no attention because it's just part of the plan. Now I have people who complained endlessly about political correctness telling me I have to be politically correct.
For some people, it's not about what they believe or what's right. It's about avoiding accountability and winning, no matter what they said before or the cost.
And then everyone clapped
Leftists Marine Todd is a good bit.
You might not believe in him, but he believes in you.
Ah yes, Ohio State University, the only university where the students need help to spell a four letter word
O-H!
I moved to Columbus years ago and never heard this one, that's fucking hilarious
Welcome to the Church of the Shoe. You're either with us, or Michigan
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I am sorry but can you please explain the joke
At OSU games (and in the area generally) there's a call and answer chant where one person or group will shout "O-H!" and the remaining people will shout a reply of "I-O!"
I hate it here sometimes
Blue Jacket games are fun tho
Oh the whole damn state does it.
Hey! I'm from Ohio and as soon as I learn to spell ill tell you how upset I am at this slander!
The blood pressure spike this would create in some people might be enough to kill, be careful with things like that. remember: Sticks and stones can break bones, but words can burst a blood vessel.
If I could communicate verbally well id totally use this lol
This is the way. Facts are for suckers, roasting is the new dialectic.
For those like me who have never seen this creature
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