The Onion

(Berlin, Germany) The BMW Corporate team has announced that in 2026, all turn signal technology, previously locked behind a very expensive paywall, will be available as a free feature to all of their luxury vehicles. Drivers of these vehicles will be able to signal freely, negating the $1,000 per signal contract required for these vehicles in the past.

Drivers are optimistic the change will have a great effect on their driving. “Doug,” a 46 year old vehicle collision specialist lawyer, says the change will greatly affect his driving. “I used to have to consider, when I cut this person off, is it worth $1,000 to let them know I saw them, but I’m just being a dick? Now I can freely let them know, and not affect my 3 alimony payments. I’m excited about this change.”

But not all BMW driver are excited. Karen, a 32 year old mom boss, is concerned this may mean BMW drivers will be expected to signal like common folk. “I drive a BMW to signal that I made it… or that Brantley made it, but that’s the same thing, we’re a team. I am still waiting on a BMW manager from the dealership to confirm this is just optional, because I don’t want to do it.”

BMW engineers are embarrassed the change took so long. They note that other car companies have long kept their turn signal technology free, but look forward to BMW drivers being able to show their intension to change lanes more affordably.

The National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) could not be reached for comment, as the government is shut down.