Therapy doesn't fix any of the most pressing issues I have. I'd wager about 85% or more of my stress is economic or environmental in nature. My big three worries are how am I gonna afford a house by myself, how am i going to be able to retire on little money and without kids, and is the envrioment going to lose the ability to sustain human life while I'm still alive and on nothing more than a fixed income.

I don't need to journal my thoughts and pretend the outside world doesn't exist, I need some damn material security in my life.

There's a lot of evidence that modern CBT therapy just doesn't really connect with men very well. Mainly because we don't really tend to solve problems by "considering more gratitude" or "trying yoga at sunrise maybe?" (Was a legit suggestion when I had a therapist lol.)

Edit: yoga and exercise are awesome, and physical activity can be therapy in itself for many people! There's some truth to the trope that some men like to hit the gym to deal with their complex feelings lol.

Men tend to want practical steps and solutions to things. And there isn't a whole lot of practical solutions one person can try to repair the effects of an increasingly alienating society and collapsing socioeconomic structures.

Therapists can be very helpful, and by all means you should definitely try to find a good one.

But sadly when you realize a lot of your issues are circumstantial and practical though, things like "Well I'm depressed and anxious because I feel everything is out of my control, like layoffs and rent hikes."...

...Sometimes it feels like the prevalent training and methodology seems to say "Well that sounds like a you problem."

There's a really good podcast about this called "It's Not Just In Your Head"

And a YouTube guy "Dr. K" (actually a doctor btw) who runs a channel called "HealthyGamerGG.

The topic is definitely worth analysis and discussion, why therapy isn't working for men in particular, as it's often swept under the rug as just "Men being stubborn and toxic" or whatever, but there is a lot more at play here.

We need to make sure men are heard and cared for, before they get warped by all the "alpha grind real man" grifters that understand how they work, and use it for malicious means.

EDIT: I'm really glad this seems to have started a somewhat productive discussion! I want to clarify that I'm NOT tearing down CBT or therapy or yoga or anything!

I'm merely calling attention to certain blind spots I've experienced (and therapists have also been discussing) when it comes to how therapy is conducted, and how it might get better in dealing with how men tend to experience the world.

Again, therapy is great and I encourage you to try it. But I'm mainly talking about why men shy away from it, and how we need to seriously talk about how to help them before they start thinking people like Andrew Tate have their best interests at heart.

Therapist: you need to focus less on the things that are outside of your control, and come to accept the fact that there are some things you just can't change.

Me: crying you mean some things just be what they be?

The few times in my life I've been to therapy or counseling on times at very different ages in my life for wildly different reasons, it's interesting that every single time, it amounted to them nicely asking me to let it go. Just stop letting whatever IT is affect you. Thanks asshole. How is that a fucking career?

Toxic masculinity and autism makes it hard to open up to loved ones, let alone strangers.

I went to therapy and now I'm a girl...

I have a fun story on this. I'm male, and I have fairly recently been diagnosed with adult ADHD, which has given some context to why I am the way I am.

I also fairly recently hit burnout, which isn't fun. But I have recovered and wanted to return to work. To facilitate this, I engaged with my doctor for a referral to a therapist to help deal with the unique challenges I faced. I had a call with the therapist (they're entirely remote), in October, they gave me some "homework" of stuff to check into as I transition back into working, and set a follow up call for about a month later (mid November)...

I still haven't heard from them and it's now mid-December.

I was forgotten about by my therapist.

It is what it is.

Go to therapist.

Therapist says it is what it is.

"It is what it is" works until it doesn't. Then, after you've swept all your problems under the rug for 10+ years, it'll all come crumbling down. The idea that men should not show emotions and should always stay "strong" is one of the most toxic and destructive ideas out there. If you're a guy going through some shit, please know that it's okay to cry, it's okay to feel weak, it's okay to ask for help. Shit often won't go away by ignoring it, it'll come back later to bite you.

i genuinely hate that phrase, it's usually used by people to get you to stop complaining about a valid issue

Why have 3 mental health and no monies, when I can have no mental health and 3 monies!? taps head

They don’t think it be like it is.

But it do.

I have seen several therapists both individually and in a group setting, and the therapist's approach can range from "why don't you try to cater to everyone else's insecurities all of the time instead of standing up for yourself in a constructive way" to actual support that can lead to change. It isn't a perfect solution and can require trying more than one therapist to find one that actually listens and helps if you want to actually fix something instead of just someone to listen to you complain.

They were all ridiculously expensive and only one was actually helpful. Heck, the successful one ended with less frequent sessions and then ending with a plan to schedule if needed. I can see why someone who only had experience with the other approaches wouldn't want to waste money on not resolving anything.

In my limited experience the therapists who were men actually acknowledged issues and tried to resolve them, which makes a bit of sense as therapists come from the same society where women frequently want to just be heard and men want to do things because that is how they are raised.

I mean, that's pretty much exactly what all three of my therapists told me

Psychologists after the pandemic: that'll be $250 AUD out of pocket after the Medicare rebate.

Me: Yeah I'd rather be depressed and anxious than pay that once every 2 weeks thanks 👍

'So it goes'.

It's better to fix problems by ourselves than give money to therapist and pretend it's helping.

https://openpathcollective.org/ provides a long list of therapists that work on an affordable, sliding scale. I know it's just a meme, but if you think you would benefit in any way, please seek support for your mental health

Shrug.

It is what it is.