Lemmy has a serious fiber deficiency. Y'all keep relating to bowel trouble, at first I'd make jokes about it but the actual shitposting keeps coming, now I'm just concerned.

Also when poop knocks at the door, ANSWER! Don't keep putting it off if at all humanly possible. The longer poop sits in your colon, the drier it gets and the harder it will be to move later.

And the bidet? With the right pressure it can help knock loose those last little nuggies that you weren't able to get enough oomph behind to dislodge.

I used a bidet in Thailand and water blew up my ass so hard that it brushed my teeth.

Absolutely never again.

And if people can't or don't want to immediately install such an attachment, because they have no way of trying out a bidet, you can also buy a travel bidet online, which basically looks like a bottle, and they're representative of the real thing, albeit not as comfortable, of course.

Took me a few days to figure out how to best sploosh myself with that bottle, but I've preferred it since then, even though I still don't have an attachment.

Started taking fiber supplements (psyllium husk from Costco). The change was revelatory. Went from trying to clean peanut butter out of carpet to perfectly clean single wipes, every time. REVELATORY.

But also it could be wheat intolerance... It took me over 30 years to discover it.

The cat knows what will be used once the toilet paper roll is empty.

I think my cat would have the same face if he was watching me wipe for half an hour straight without giving him attention. But yeah, not a POV.

Their significant other has broke into the bathroom teary-eyed wondering how much longer they have to sit waiting with the movie paused

Fat Pratt was best Pratt.

It's like I'm wiping a marker

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Is that a thing? I've been theorizing so, but kind of hard to know when your backend would normally be on fire.

Is it because the bidet just splooshes the spicy poop away? Or are there like miniscule wounds there from all the dry-rubbing? I know, when you've got an irritable bum, doctors will prescribe bidets for that...

It's infuriating that it's both people being so dumb they can't understand basic grammar and people doing it because it gets more comments. Both of those things are just so shitty and disappointing.

Pruritus ani, aka "polished anus syndrome".

There's a lot that can cause it, but sanding the skin off with toilet paper is definitely on the list.