LinkOpensChest.wav is at JesusCon, a convention dedicated to His word and presence.

Somebody bumps into him from behind. He turns around. It's Jesus, the Messiah!

“Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.” Jesus said, pulling out a gun.

"Woah dude, I hardly have any money!" LinkOpensChest.wav exclaimed, putting his hands up in the air.

Jesus put his finger on the trigger and replied, "If you love me, keep my commands."

LinkOpensChest.wav emptied out his wallet into Jesus's hands.

"You have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?" Jesus said smugly. He swiftly hopped on his skateboard and bolted for the exit.

"Help, I've been mugged!" LinkOpensChest.wav yelled, but everyone was too busy buying limited edition Jesus figurines and the newest book of the bible had just been announced.

He came home from the convention empty-handed, having been unable to buy anything with his newly-emptied wallet.

Source: the bible