I still cannot get over the fact that a browser requires an account to use.

hand-writes a pgp-encrypted message

I don't see a "year of the Linux desktop" happening, but rather its share growing slowly over the years. Windows would probably not have one big event that ends its dominance, but it can be a death of a thousand cuts.

silicon valley invented the marshrutka

This defeatist attitude, as well as "all-or-nothing" one, is one of the major privacy enemies by itself.

modern cars

You can not own a car at all, have an older one (which, granted, is not quite a universal longterm option), or from what I've seen in discussions - depending on the model, a lot of them can have the telematics units disconnected.

phones

Not using a smartphone, leaving it at home or using a Faraday cage (same goes for a dumbphone), using Lineage/Graphene/whatever on it.

credit cards

Cash. Even in a lot of online stores (the smaller ones, not large universal Amazon-like) I've shopped at you can order delivery to the store's office (which is usually at no extra cost) and pay with cash.

Yes, there are a lot of areas where you have lost. But that doesn't mean you should give up on everything at once then. Privacy is not binary, it is a spectrum.

There should be an encrypted text communication standard that isn’t controlled by one company who can lock you out because you don’t have approved software

XMPP + OMEMO

Servers can be hosted by anyone; there is usually no account needed to join the chat; it would not randomly demand a phone number or an ID; it does not get pissed over people not using a very specific piece of bloated spyware... So nope, not against.

IRC clients don't have loads of telemetry like Discord does. And IRC is a protocol instead of a platform, so there isn't a single set of servers hosting and logging ALL conversations.

Gen Z here. Only "age-inappropriate" things I found in the woods were condoms and syringes :(

I am opposed to dating apps because they're bad for privacy. Not only are you pretty much encouraged to have a photo of your face online (which is compltely off-limits for me), but to do so in presence of A LOT OF HORNY MEN. No thanks, I would rather pick up a hobby where more socialization occurs naturally.

How would such a ban ever be enforceable?

Gen Z here. Even if I could (somehow) afford an iPhone, I can't imagine buying them because they're just so locked-down... How can you use a phone you can't even access file system on? Hell, even load apps the manufacturer doesn't like? AND sell a kidney for this? Around me, iPhones are a minority but still prevalent, but I am living in a major, pretty wealthy city.