Wow. Okay. I think like you read a lot of negative tone into my comment that wasn’t there so I’m going to explicitly say here and now that my tone is polite and casual. I am not trying to be accusatory.

Well, here is part of the issue. As much as it may not have been your intention to come off so negative, you still achieved that based on your message. My reasoning for that is you started off by correcting my incorrect choice of word. I acknowledge I used the wrong term here as an admin is different from a moderator. However, if your goal was to take responsibility and apologize, that's not a great way to start off. It absolutely sets the tone for the rest of your message. Your apology and acknowledgement of your actions are buried in things that come off as excuses and defensiveness. See here with the message highlighted to visualize the negative vs positive connotation. Though, FYI, what is also important is to note that pointing out the specific difference between words is in fact "semantics", just like this sentence is in regards to the semantics of the word "semantics" itself. So "It’s not semantics in this case." is just not accurate.

No. It was not. This is proven in the screenshot you yourself posted as the person below me is responding to the exact same comment. My tone is now starting to change from friendly to cautious because I’m not a huge fan of being lied about, especially when you yourself have posted the proof against your own claim.

I'm not sure why you're assuming that just because there is another comment along side yours is proof that your comment was not first. Since the whole post is gone and neither of us can reference it directly I can only go off memory. I recall yours being first, but let's assume I was partially wrong and your comment was only among the first. My issue with it is that you have a large amount of weight in the Star Trek communities, and particularly under your own posts, and so when you post a toxic comment it shows others that it's okay to do so as well. Because of your weight in the community, and now that you are a moderator it's even more prudent, that you are held to a higher standard. Because you set the bar for what is acceptable in these communities. When you make a comment it's more than just moving a small rock, it becomes more of a land slide.

It doesn’t change my actions. It reflects yours. You haven’t said anything about this for months and made a screenshot immediately of it. You never talked about this to me. You never gave me a chance to apologize. You never addressed to me at all.

It feels like you're trying to shift blame here or something. I did try to address you. I called everyone out on that comment thread for their toxicity. The reason why that screenshot exists is because I called you out in particular. I still don't even see how it's relevant, but I'd rather move on from this point.

No. You made a toxic comment. You made some “joke” that all the cast of SNW were too pretty or too beautiful. It was a backhanded and snarky comment which is why you were called jealous by the person in your screenshot. This is also why I said that you want what you can’t have. As for the ping, I didn’t get one or at least never saw one. But the last thing I would have been interested in doing in that moment would have been doubling down in public. If I got a ping like that I would have sent a private apology. Because I deleted it due to feeling like a dick. Did I think your comment was tasteless, unfunny, and frankly kind of rude? Yeah. But did I feel like a douchebag for being negative towards you? Yes. Thus why it was deleted almost immediately.

Wow. This is just purely insulting and toxic. The joke I made was "Ah yes, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, the show where only beautiful people are allowed" or along those lines. I was not calling anyone "too pretty" or "too beautiful", it was a comment/joke on how it feels unrealistic with the way everyone looks like super models which, yes, is a backhanded and snarky remark on the state of Hollywood and our media. And now here you are doubling down on the toxic comment! Why the hell do you need to provide the reason or logic for the toxic comment? Seriously? How the hell else am I supposed to interpret this as anything but negative? "Disagreements will happen both on lore and preferences. That’s okay! Just don’t let it make you forget that the person you are talking to is also a person."

Additionally, even though you deleted your comment it does not undo what you did. Did you just think no one saw your comment and it had no effect so you could just delete it and pretend it never happened? Well, people saw your comment, including the person your toxicity was aimed at. You participated in a dogpile in a community where you hold a lot of weight, and under one of your own posts. You say you felt bad enough to delete the comment, but then stood by while others did the same. You had to have seen all of that when you went to delete the comment. What did you do when deleting your comment? You just moved on and tried to pretend your comment didn't exist. If you honestly felt bad for it, then why should I be expected to request an apology from you? I've never heard of anyone requiring someone to request an apology for their poor behavior, and I would never even consider that a requirement for anyone I slighted even if accidental. What kind of weight would a private apology have compared to the public toxicity you showed towards me?

Look, I am bringing this up now because you are now a moderator for a new community. I am hoping that knowing the consequences of your actions will help you make better decisions in the future. I am trying to hold you to your own community's rule of "Just don’t let it make you forget that the person you are talking to is also a person.". I suggest instead of deleting a comment entirely, edit out the toxicity and explain why you removed it. That in itself would have been its own apology. Like I mentioned before, your actions have more weight than the average user and because of that you need to be held to a higher standard since you set the bar for how people interact in this community. This is an opportunity to start to move this community away from toxic behaviors, and it has to start by setting a new standard yourself with your own actions. You want a chance to right your wrong? Here is your chance. Don't try to excuse yourself or pass the blame. Just simply acknowledge what you did, apologize, and try to do better in the future. If you see dogpiling, step in and say something.

First off, I’m a mod. Not an Admin.

Really? You felt it was important to start off with this tone on semantics?

Second, that comment was made 4 months ago

Why does that matter?

Also, no. I didn’t “start the toxic dogpiling”. This is even proven by the comment directly under mine in that screenshot which is someone else calling you out.

Your comment was the first reply.

You also didn’t make the post. You had commented on my post.

I never made that claim. Why even bring this up? Does it matter?

again, this is 4 months later and you’ve yet to address this to me directly.

Again, why does it matter that it was 4 months? What if it was 6 months? 4 weeks? 4 days? How does that change your actions?

This is what happened: You created a post. I made a harmless joke. You didn't like that joke and made a toxic comment. Other people didn't like that joke and joined in to make toxic comments. I called those people out for being toxic since my joke was aimed at no individual and completely harmless, and the backlash for that was all toxic comments aimed at me for just shooting my shot to make other people laugh. When I called people out for being toxic that included you which is why I had that screenshot and I even pinged you directly with it.

If you want an apology, all you ever had to do was ask. Something you have never done. I never offered one up because I didn’t realize the app you are using kept deleted messages. I felt like a dick and deleted it. I never even realized you harbored this grudge considering, again, this is 4 months later and you’ve yet to address this to me directly. I just went through 5 months of your posting history and I cannot find a singular time that you talked to me about this. I went through my messages and I cannot find a single message from you about this.

Why would I try to pursue you for an apology when I already pinged you and called you and everyone out at the place it happened? Instead I blocked you and the Risa community after plenty of evidence of toxicity.

I even mentioned this situation to The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website: https://lemmy.world/comment/5214666

I’m sorry. Wasn’t my intention to hurt you which is why I deleted the comment immediately after. But I am not psychic and had no idea you felt this way. All you ever had to do was address this to me. I am genuinely sorry. I hope you have a good day and that things go well for you.

How can I even take this apology seriously in the context of tone of this whole comment?

Keep it civil. Disagreements will happen both on lore and preferences. That's okay! Just don't let it make you forget that the person you are talking to is also a person.

I find this ironic with Stamets as ~~an admin~~ a moderator, considering they participated in a dogpile on Risa because I made a joke that they didn't like and was completely harmless:

They deleted the comment because of the obvious toxicity, but considering the weight they pull in these communities and they were the first to comment, it's clear they had started the toxic dog piling. No apology, no trying to get others to tone it down. Just deleted their comment to hide their shame.

How can we trust the ~~admins~~ moderators here won't do the same as what happened in Risa?

*edited for formatting and admin -> moderator

Edit 2: In this comment thread you will see exactly why you should all question Stamet's ability to follow their own rules of their community and fail to be an example of how a community moderator should act. They clearly forgot they were talking to a person and intentionally inserted their own interpretations on my own words. Rather than fully owning up to their own actions, they try to downplay it with excuses and even double down on their toxic comments which they claim to be "sorry" and apologize.

It seems like I might need to screenshot this thread as well, before they delete it and try to pretend it never happened.