Thanks for sharing all that! Interesting read and raises several good points.

I am really low on energy today and so can't write as much as I'd like to, but did want to comment and at least say you're not alone.

I, too, am a Christian and generally don't mention it online due to the criticism that usually follows. A combination of conflicts (at least one of which was exacerbated by my autism) and the response to the COVID-19 pandemic and the politics that followed completely undermined my faith in the church as an institution; I have not attended church in several years. Suffering autistic burnout makes that worse since that significantly exacerbates all the sensory issues too. Sadly it is Christians (at least in my experience) that tend to have the poorest understanding of mental health and neurodivergent conditions such as ASD.

The majority of being stigmatized/being made to feel like I didn't belong was during my childhood and teen years. These days I am well-versed at masking (which is a separate problem) and so don't attract negative attention in the same way anymore (though I still don't feel like I fit in in a lot of places). I have slowly educated my family as I have learnt more about autism over the past couple of decades and whilst some of the extended family are still difficult to deal with, my immediate family has a much, much better handle on it these days and occasionally even surprises me with their level of awareness.

As for friends and acquaintances, I no longer have the time or energy to deal with people who can't at least make an effort to see where I'm coming from, ASD or not. This year has seen me realise I need to cut a few more people out of my life, as they are not good for me and my mental health.

Not sure I have a favourite, although I do know that a number of historical figures (Einstein, Newton, Tesla, Mozart, etc.) probably had autism and several well-known actors (Sir Anthony Hopkins, Dan Ackroyd) and other celebrities (Susan Boyle) have been diagnosed.

I definitely admire Susan Boyle for the courage it would have taken to front up on stage and perform the first time. The amount of stress I'd be experiencing if that were me would have made me physically ill.

I feel like I can somewhat understand Dan Ackroyd, though, as he has said his "obsession" with ghosts is what provided the drive for the original Ghostbusters films. Even though I don't share that as a special interest, it does make me smile to think that his level of enthusiasm in the films was probably genuine enjoyment of being able to do something he was passionate about at the time.

Temple Grandin is also worth a mention for her accomplishments and autism advocacy.

Ugh, I hate it when that happens.

Sounds like Luke and I would get on well.

I'm sorry to hear that people aren't respecting your needs by turning down/off the TV when you're visiting. It sounds like you respond a lot more strongly than most to sensory input and particularly the combination of visual and auditory styles used in TV and movies. I definitely do not respond as strongly as you, although am still quite sensitive to visual and auditory input.

Could you clarify whether you're seeking assistance with managing the sensory input, or in trying to explain the impact it has on you to other people (so that they don't have the TV on in the background, for example)?

I can empathise with that feeling. I think it's technically a form of panic attack; I have suspected nerve damage in one arm and cannot have blood drawn from the affected area (if I do, the pain is too much and I experience panic attack symptoms - nausea, sudden over-heating and sweating, light-headedness and vomiting). Apart from avoiding the triggers for it, I have also found that tensing one's core and focusing on breathing helps (this reduces the drop in blood pressure and resulting drop in oxygen to the brain, which is what causes the light-headedness or fainting). I think body horror is a pretty typical trigger for this type of reaction too, so you're definitely not alone there.

Thanks! I fully expect it to take a couple of attempts and a bit of time, but hopefully it will result in some progress.

Yeah, I can empathise with being forced to answer / put on the spot like that. I can recall a few stressful interactions where people jumped to conclusions because I couldn't formulate a response and then the whole thing got away from me. Sorry to hear that you were bullied; I think that is a common experience (at least one relative of mine was badly bullied growing up and I suspect I only suffered minimal bullying due to studying via distance education for much of my school years).

Glad you like the username! As you can probably guess, orchids (particularly Cymbidiums) are one of my special interests.

Thanks for sharing that. It's definitely something I want to improve upon (hence asking here!) and will try to discuss it with my therapist at my next appointment. It sounds like you have a very good one and they make a world of difference.

It's interesting that you link your experience to being overwhelmed. I regularly experience issues with overwhelm - when it's bad enough I definitely get that feeling of wanting to run and hide, so I understand exactly what you mean - but I don't think that's what's happening in my particular case when trying to talk about certain things. I guess it feels more like internal resistance than overwhelm.

Considering one of the health issues this year has been severe autistic burnout, I would readily agree with a lot of that. Thanks for the feedback.

Hmm, not sure. I can talk about lots of things (not just special interests) including divisive issues such as politics (and sometimes even when I know I'm likely to receive an unpleasant response), but it's difficult to neatly categorise what types of topics cause this. If I had to guess, it would be topics surrounding my (emotional?) needs that are most likely to trigger this. The current one (and this was a challenge to even type) is the fact that a combination of health+work+life factors is currently making me feel like I'm stuck with no good options to resolve them and hence going to miss out on a lot of things in life that I value.

It's not necessarily dependent on who the other party/parties in the conversation is/are, either. For example, I have an incredibly non-judgemental and compassionate GP and yet one of these instances occurred when trying to work through my health issues this year. My wife is incredibly understanding and patient as well, so it's not as though it's an unsafe environment for the above conversation either.

I also don't recall feeling like this when I know I was nervous/anxious in my teens and early twenties trying to talk to new people (before I became practiced enough at small talk). It could definitely be anxiety, but if it is it's not the typical way I experience it.

I am still in the process of working this out. My field (engineering) has a high proportion of people on the spectrum, but the hobby (special interest) I am most active in currently (orchids) seems to very few. I think I need to try a number of other clubs/societies as well as resurrect some of my other hobbies, but it's a real struggle finding the time and energy to do all of that.