Ooh, cold steam burns are the worst!

Except the person who just asked what it was about, I imagine that's why they asked .

"It's the desk from InfoWars, which The Onion just bought."

Better? Sorry I assumed y'all could put two and two together (it's four, btw).

The Onion bought InfoWars

Precious Hamburgers?

Foods that are ruined by ambient humidity, that's what kind.

If that's how DNA worked, I imagine it just wouldn't pair, but that's not how DNA works. However there can be and are many mistakes in the transcription and translation of genes, they're called mutations and they're the mechanical cause of cancer. The kind of spontaneous mutation your imagining is unlikely to lead to cancer without other contributing factors, and the body has numerous control and correction mecahnisms, but there are billions of base pairs (i.e. A—T is one base pair) in each cell of the body getting transcribed and translated over and over and over, so quite a few mistakes get through.

Neither, just unfunny.

Fake tan and botox

That's kind of like saying he takes enough feline insulin to treat feline diabetes.

Cremation

The guy in the comic is not being bullied though, that's the whole point of the comic.