Yeah I've lived this..

Years ago I had a rash under my arm that wouldn't go away, at first I thought it was just because I had swapped deodorant or I switched back, then I assumed it was now just aggravated because I was spraying stuff on a rash so stopped and was putting cream on it, after about 3-4 weeks it had spread around to my back and the wife saw it when I hopped out of the shower one night and told me to go to the doctor's. I was like yeah guess I should, another week passed and she asked me to meet her at the shops after work, I arrive and she had booked me a doctor's appointment... As soon as I took my shirt off the doctor gasped and said I had to go to ER immediately, I stupidly went home and had a shower first then went to ER, handed them the letter from the Dr and skipped the whole queue, triage nurse is slipping a cannula in and putting me on penicillin while I'm still being checked in.. ended up in hospital for 5 weeks with a severe case of cellulitis so bad they brought the medical students passed me every morning...

Thing is I felt fine the whole time, no pain at all, didn't feel sick and the whole time they're telling me it's life threatening..

Sounds like a threesome with extra steps

This sounds like candidate for malicious compliance. Just say 1st Jan, when that doesn't work 2nd Jan, then 3rd Jan and on and on until you crack it

Brah one of my kids fell down the stairs a few weeks ago while my wife was trying to get out the door with them, and she just looked down and him and says "you know my rule, nobody is allowed to fall down the stairs in this house". I had to walk away before they all saw me laughing

Brah if I sent this to my wife she'd tell me not to be a smart ass

The only thing really wrong with this picture is how far off the wall the mattress is.. how many times during the night does this bloke need to pick his pillow back up

I hope the insurance companies defence was act of god

I think it's the other way around, if they get them fired it's an open position they can try and fill with somebody already on their books

I'm more of a cracked Denuvo = no play kind of person because Empress is cooked & I don't wanna feed their ego

I'll never forget about 25 years ago cruising around some random chat rooms on mIRC and somebody asked me how the weather was and I said it was a bit chilly and I got instabanned with the message potty mouth... took me a good 5 minutes to workout wtf happened (bit ch)illy

I used to work with an alcoholic, she would make coffee with wine in the mornings, just like a spoon full of instant coffee in a mug of wine. And in the afternoon she would walk around with a fork in her mug like she had a cup of noddles. After she was there for like 2 years my boss asked me if I think she was an alcoholic and I started laughing, he legit had nfi she had been drunk every day for the last 2 years

One of my kids calls water fountains water mountains.. I assume from just mishearing the word. The first time he said it I went to correct him and then I'm like it does look like a water mountain so fuck it we'll go with that. Now the whole family only refers to them us water mountains.

And oddly there is another misheard word another of my kids used that we've all adopted, this kid said his tshirt was skin side out instead of inside out. Again I went to correct him and thought no he is right too, so now clothes are skin side out or skin side in.