Sometimes The Onion needs to make you cry to remind you what it really is.

Nope and I really wish nobody had still.

Can we add a fog machine this time?

Man I've said this over and over again. If illegal immigration is such a problem take a damn look at your system. My dad just thinks I'm some crazy liberal though for suggesting it. I live in a border state and I've been hearing the same empty talking points since I was a child.

The shoes I get and I'll wear jeans excessively long without a wash but damn dude change the underwear.

I feel like we've moved past just a tray of crap and right into the triceratops scene from Jurassic Park.

Or maybe they need to actually be trained and educated on things pertaining to their job by a corporation too busy sucking the very life from their bodies.

He smiles like a horse.

The fact that we have to specify which of the hospitals they've blown up really sucks.

You're either a total cinnamon roll or a proud deviant.

Not sure what point you're trying to get across here unless it's a veiled statement about you not getting vaccinated. People should get vaccinated for both especially since they're both easily transmittable and potentially deadly for certain demographics.

Those on the ground probably.