I’ve been trying little things to help brighten their day, like artisanal wallets or little jokes that I write down on cards and put in my pockets

Your partner and your equivalent parent (mom/gf, dad/bf, sensei/nf) switch place, and you have to bone one (to completion) of them to switch them back. Who do you pick, and what’s wrong with you, you sick bastard?

I sleep with an exposed ass and unwashed bunghole. Have not been kidnapped or eaten yet

You think a bunch of words can stop me? The only letters I fear are 911

It sucks, but there’s a twist

Did you just offer me cheese?

It’s pretty much the same thing for butt plugs and drug dealers

Get in the jack shack, Shinji

Reading this in the voice of Jasper, that’s a paddlin’

Ah man I’m not gonna remember that

Looks like Pizza is gonna send out for you!

well hold on now, maybe that was just trauma from being short