submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by kescusay@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

We've been getting some weird posts lately that... Well, they're not making me think it's gotta be an Onion headline, that's for sure.

So just a little refresher. Posts should be:

  1. Links to news stories from…
  2. …credible sources, with…
  3. …their original headlines, that…
  4. …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

If it's not Onion-y, it doesn't belong here. Bizarre, horrific, and violent news can be here if the headline reads like something out of The Onion, but if it doesn't, it's going away. And if there's too much non-Onion-like content from an account, that account is going away, too.

If you're not sure whether the real news headline you've found is like The Onion, here's a few sample Onion headlines from today:

  • "Visiting Friend Pleasantly Surprised By City’s Open Hostility Toward Homeless People"
  • "Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once"
  • "Man Feels Like Bystanders Are Arguing For Him To Put Gun Down In Bad Faith"
  • "Wally The Emotional Support Alligator Went To See The Phillies"
  • ‘New York Times’ Issues Apology For Reporting Palestinian Deaths

See? Find headlines from real news outlets that remind you of headlines like those. And just to prove my point: One of them is real.

submitted 38 minutes ago by Midnight@slrpnk.net to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
submitted 6 hours ago by ptz@dubvee.org to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/25269065

As surely as Donald Trump sought to cash in on his various criminal indictments, so the former president turned Republican presidential nominee began to sell merchandise commemorating his attempted assassination in Pennsylvania last weekend.

In Butler county on Saturday, a rooftop gunman wielding an AR-15-style rifle fired shots at the stage. Trump was wounded in one ear. One rally-goer was killed and two injured. The gunman, who was killed by a sniper, was discovered to have had an explosive device in his car.

Despite such traumatic events, 45Footwear, a company which has sold $399 golden Trump-branded sneakers, swiftly offered a new range of high-tops.

Rather more pricey than unofficial assassination merch churned out in China, the $299 white shoes were emblazoned with the US flag, an image of Trump with fist raised and face bloodied and the words “Fight Fight Fight” – his instant reaction to being shot.


cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/17664620

The leader of a neo-Nazi extremist group based in eastern Europe has been charged with plotting to have an associate dress up as Santa Claus and hand out poisoned candy to Jewish children in New York City to sow terror, prosecutors said Tuesday.

Chkhikvishvili, who has various nicknames including Commander Butcher, allegedly leads the Maniac Murder Cult, which prosecutors said is an international extremist group that adheres to a “neo-Nazi accelerationist ideology and promotes violence and violent acts against racial minorities, the Jewish community and other groups it deems ‘undesirables.’ "

submitted 4 days ago by half@lemy.lol to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by Linkerbaan@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

Israeli prime minister Binyamin Netanyahu said any Gaza ceasefire deal must allow Israel to resume fighting until its objectives are met.

“Any deal will allow Israel to return and fight until all the goals of the war are achieved,” Mr Netanyahu said in a statement on Sunday.

Hamas has dropped a key demand that Israel first commit to a permanent ceasefire before it would sign an agreement. Instead, it said it would allow negotiations to achieve that throughout the six-week first phase, a Hamas source said on Saturday.

But Mr Netanyahu said he insisted the deal must not prevent Israel from resuming fighting until its war objectives are met.


“SiegedSec account suspended,” vio wrote. “this current account will be used as a backup until a new one is set up :3.”

The entire article is worth reading for once.


cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/24720114

SiegedSec, a collective of self-proclaimed “gay furry hackers,” has claimed credit for breaching online databases of the Heritage Foundation, the conservative think tank that spearheaded the rightwing Project 2025 playbook. On Wednesday, as part of string of hacks aimed at organizations that oppose trans rights, SiegedSec released a cache of Heritage Foundation material.

In a post to Telegram announcing the hack, SiegedSec called Project 2025 “an authoritarian Christian nationalist plan to reform the United States government.” The attack was part of the group’s #OpTransRights campaign, which recently targeted rightwing media outlet Real America’s Voice, the Hillsong megachurch, and a Minnesota pastor.

In his foreword to the Project 2025 manifesto, the Heritage Foundation’s president, Kevin Roberts, rails against “the toxic normalization of transgenderism” and “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology.” The playbook’s other contributors call on “the next conservative administration” to roll back certain policies, including allowing trans people to serve in the military.

“We’re strongly against Project 2025 and everything the Heritage Foundation stands for,” one of SiegedSec’s leaders, who goes by the handle vio, told The Intercept.


cross-posted from: https://discuss.tchncs.de/post/18602528

It's a bit old but the shape and the city name were so funny that I couldn't not post it XD


cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/14359573

A bow-tie wearing duck has been injured in a drunken pub brawl with a local dog in Chulmleigh, Devon.

The booze-loving bird, affectionately named Star, was enjoying a pint in The Old Courthouse Inn with his handler, Barrie Hayman, when Hayman's canine Meggie sparked a bar brawl.

Star was left with injuries to his beak after the fight.

"Star pushed his luck too far and Meggie snapped - splitting Star's bottom beak right down the middle," Hayman, 69, told the Cheddar Valley Gazette.

"He gave her a stare, then promptly stood on her back. It was not pretty and not nice. We were so scared we would lose Star.


Hayman has cared for Star ever since he was a chick, carrying him around in his pocket. Once the duckling grew up, he developed a taste for real ale and started following his owner to the pub.

"He just won't leave me and so we go everywhere together," Hayman said. "I've not trained him to follow me. He just seems to like it and he is one fantastic duck.

"He loves to come to the pub, where everyone loves him. He is such a personality and attracts so much attention."

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Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

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