this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2025
543 points (98.4% liked)

Not The Onion

17186 readers
1668 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] BigMacHole@sopuli.xyz 24 points 1 day ago

The man who LET RICH PEOPLE BUY THE ABILITY TO RAPE TODDLERS is a Hero!

-MAGA!

[–] Jaysyn@lemmy.world 14 points 22 hours ago

Found the pedophile.

[–] nthavoc@lemmy.today 9 points 21 hours ago

The word patriot has lost all meaning. It is a word used to excuse the scum of this country from the most heinous of acts. This moron somehow spun Epstein into a patriot as if he was doing some grand operation to get "dirt on US adversaries" . "Who else gets this prison deal?" Every fucking criminal billionaire including Trump! They all deserve the chair along with anyone that believes their bullshit.

[–] MapleEngineer@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What if the Epstein files are incredibly damaging to Trump so they say they don't exist so that when the democrats release them they can say that they are fake?

[–] SpaceCowboy@lemmy.ca 1 points 21 hours ago

That assumes the Democrats will ever be in power again.

[–] ProdigalFrog@slrpnk.net 27 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Reposting a comment I made on a similar post about the 180 mental gymnastics MAGA are displaying.

What you're witnessing here is described in When Prophecy Fails, a study on cults and how they justify continued belief after experiencing events that should disprove their belief.

Cult members will simply invent new reasons to continue their belief and remove the cognitive dissonance they may feel, which oddly results in a further entrenched belief, instead of a weakened one.

[–] LanguageIsCool@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

QAnon was a public exhibition of how this happens with MAGAts. I doubt it does but none of this should surprise anyone

[–] Doom@ttrpg.network 3 points 22 hours ago

From the beginning too. remember the deep state bullshit?

They really believe AOC, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib and the like are the deep state not the born rich New York scum bag who literally befriends everyone powerful

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Animal Farm and 1984 covered this

[–] oppy1984@lemdro.id 3 points 22 hours ago

We've always been at war with Eurasia.

[–] WhatGodIsMadeOf@feddit.org 3 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

American suicide bombers and guerilla militias...

It's only a matter of time. It's already happening.. but they call them lone wolf and mentally ill... But it will probably grow... Then they will be called a terrorist group just like every other group that fought for humanity.

[–] _cryptagion@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 day ago

For fuck’s sake.

[–] skozzii@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Does anyone know where the goal posts went? They keep moving around.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 1 points 22 hours ago

The goal posts killed themselves precisely because there never were any goal posts.

[–] lihmalahmalehma@suppo.fi 275 points 2 days ago (3 children)

We have epstein files.

There are no epstein files.

Epstein was a hero.

[–] Darkard@lemmy.world 165 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Next will be "Those girls were lucky to have been raped by a man like Trump"

[–] whoisearth@lemmy.ca 81 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] P1k1e@lemmy.world 41 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] RedPostItNote@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I’m laughing but wtf is happening right now for real

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I hear Epstein was more of a grinder

[–] guyoverthere123@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I don't thing Jeffery Epstein was using Grindr

[–] stringere@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago

They meant he was a sandwich.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] cheers_queers@lemmy.zip 11 points 1 day ago

Time to Luigi this guy

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 90 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Here, we are safe. Here, we are free.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 1 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

The Pedophile Nation, which almost singlehandedly ruined Avatar: The Last Airbender.

[–] MostRegularPeople@lemmy.world 1 points 22 hours ago
[–] logicbomb@lemmy.world 133 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Classic propaganda tactic. Speculating about alternative answers after you already know the answer or when everyone knows where the answer is.

He speculates why did all these rich and powerful people not abandon him? Because he was secretly a good guy? No, you liar, it's because they were his clients so he could blackmail them if he wanted to.

He speculates why did he get favorable terms from previous trials? Because he was secretly a good guy? No, you propagandist liar, it's because he was ultra wealthy and well connected.

If he was secretly a good guy, he wouldn't have offed himself in prison, so there'd be a giant investigation over that.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] pjwestin@lemmy.world 56 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Trump really painted himself into a corner by promising the QAnons all of the dirt on Epstien, and I'm very curious to see if a narrative like this can dig him out. They'll usually twist reality into knots to keep their narrative alive, but, "Epstien was a white hat," might he a bridge too far, even for them.

[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 40 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Doesn't matter.

Remember that "I could shoot someone in the middle of 5th Ave" line? Turns out he meant "I could rape a child," and these people would STILL love him.

This is their loyalty test now. This is how low this sleeze will take them this week.

[–] pjwestin@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I think that's true for some MAGAs, but the QAnons have invested deeply in the child-trafficking conspiracy. I think if he created a narrative of, "Yes, I'm on the client list, but it was a double agent for the deep state," they would swallow it (most of them already believe some version of that), but telling them that their is no conspiracy and they need to move on will not go over well. (Of course, claiming to be an Epstien double-agent is gonna make him look crazy to anyone not Q-pilled, so he can't do that).

[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I think that's already where Newsmax is going (per 1 random post I saw 2 days ago and can't find anymore) calling Epstein possibly an amazing patriot as a CIA/Mossad agent getting intel about... I dunno, the Clintons?

The retcon fantasy is framed up for the Q nuts. I expect they'll find a way to stumble into it on their own.

Edit: found it

https://lemmy.today/post/33293629

[–] Reygle@lemmy.world 43 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Cult. Endless denial. Forever rejecting reality. What more would it take to have these people given straight jackets?

[–] HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 day ago

Straitjacket. I don't get it either but that's what it is.

[–] RobotZap10000@feddit.nl 55 points 2 days ago (2 children)

So Pizzagate is real, but the Epstein files aren't?

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Being maga/qanon is just early onset dementia.

[–] burgerpocalyse@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago

there was no topping list

[–] wise_pancake@lemmy.ca 64 points 2 days ago (3 children)
[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 54 points 2 days ago

This is just one of the Republican insiders being honest for once in their life, claiming Epstein for one of their own like he always was.

[–] Soulg@ani.social 34 points 2 days ago

Pedophiles are okay if they're on the Republican side.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.dbzer0.com 53 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Wow, what a nut job. He starts by trying to say maybe Epstein worked for the CIA and was trying to get blackmail on foreign officials for our government. Sir, even if that were true, you should want every member of the CIA using children as rape bait for blackmail in prison. (And the people showing up to use said services.. you know.. the guy your trying to defend)

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ceenote@lemmy.world 49 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Why are Democrats not going on the news and taking every opportunity to call the Republicans pedo protectors?

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 45 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Because they're so bad at messaging that it comes off as self-sabotage. They've been like this for decades, it's fucking infuriating.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] witchybitchy@lemmy.world 26 points 2 days ago

because a lot of them are just as guilty

[–] abbiistabbii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 39 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Hey wanna know something about Epstein? Alongside being a massive pedophile, he was also a Eugenicist who wanted to make a Musk style baby-mama ranch. He worked with the guy who founded Colossal (the "Direwolf" people, remember that?) with the idea to basically do Eugenics.

Alongside providing children for Trump to rape, that's why the right want to rehabilitate him, because they wanna do Eugenics.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 26 points 2 days ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›