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this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2024
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politics
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It must be incredibly jarring to see a friend change so drastically.
I went through this with a friend of 20+ years. It is pretty much one of the worst things that have ever happened to me.
Same but for my mom
I'm so sorry. I hope they find their way back to you.
Went through something broadly similar a few years ago. It’s kinda confidence-shattering, tbh. I had thought I was a pretty deft judge of character up to that point. Years after the fallout, I’ve come to realize that while I am actually still probably a better than average judge of character, that doesn’t really apply to psychopaths that actively hide their true nature as a habit and rule. But the whole clusterfuck and how much I missed the signs still fucks with my head sometimes even today.
I've given up thinking I'm a good judge of character completely. You can't do much better than judging people by the company they keep, anyway. Sometimes people of quality can be alone, but utter bastards never are.
But I'll be damned if I'm not still good at standing up to my friends. After I failed to make them see reason for long enough to be sure it was permanent... I cut them off 4 years ago and haven't said a word to them since, even when they literally stalked me.
If you haven't got integrity, you don't really have anything, do you?
Judging character and identifying psychopaths are two wildly different skill sets, though arguably one depends on the other.
I'm slowly getting better (more experienced) at identifying psychopaths and narcissists, but holy shit it can be difficult.
Well… it’s either a change, or a revelation of their true self.
But either way, yes, It is.
About a year and a half into the pandemic, I learned The Guy who I had considered one of my closest friends for years was essentially a psychopath, but was also really good at hiding it. Like sure, there were signs, and I and others in our friend group would scratch our heads about The Guy every once in a while, but more or less chalked it up to him being a prickly non-neurotypical asshole sometimes (similar to myself, if I’m honest).
And then The Guy told me some wild shit that went down between himself and one of my other really good buddies, who is bi, though happily married to his wife, but was going through some really rough emotional shit at the time, and (reading between the lines after sobering up the next day) The Guy essentially took a really close friendship and abused and manipulated it to more or less hook up with our mutual friend.
And then some months later, when quarantimes were starting to relax after the vax rollout, I got together with a few people from our friend group and learned that The Guy said he had more or less pulled this same trick with another really close friend of mine who’d been struggling with fairly severe depression for years. And then we began comparing notes and connecting the dots right there and came to the unavoidable conclusion that The Guy was basically a psychopathic sexual predator on the down-low. Oh, and that The Guy apparently beats his dog every once in a while.
That was a horrifying conclusion for all of us. The Guy was pretty quickly excised from our friend group.
TL;DR: yes. It sucks when a psycho works their way into your friend group. It really fucking sucks.