The excess funds initially allocated for the purchase will be reinvested into our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program pairing orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to the factories.

These are the kinds of hard hitting issues that the people actually care about but were mysteriously absent in the talks leading up to the election. It's just crazy how out of touch politicians are these days.