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Anon tries to understand his coworker
(sh.itjust.works)
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this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2024
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Well, I read like a hundred times that going for a coffee is an incredibly boring date idea and doing some activity you both actually enjoy is much better.
For what it's worth, I hate the idea of a coffee / dinner date. Seems incredibly forced and like some kind of an interview. Though, I'm not dating and not interested in doing it, so I might be completely out of touch.
Coffee is boring if you are boring. That's why some people are against it.
Pretty much. Interesting people go for coffee, then something right after.
My first few dates with my now-wife was a park, then hot dogs, then another park, then back at her place.
Coffee is just the initial vibe check.
There is also an art to keeping it short. No need to sit at a table for 5 hours. After an hour you should know if you want to go do something together.
With my current partner, we met "just" for a coffee at 11:30am. We got home at 7pm after said coffee, a walk, some drinks, dinner, and having had an awesome time.
Not to say I don't agree with you - keeping at least the initial intention short and sweet gives an easy way out in case either person isn't enjoying the date.
Coffee is a great first date if you met on a dating app. It's a public location where you can both meet in person for the first time and chat but neither of you is forced to stay if things aren't shaping up how you expected.
But if you already know each other then yeah, coffee isn't much of a date.
Yeah, I guess it does makes sense if you're meeting with a complete stranger. Personally I would still prefer something like a walk in the park but this probably just comes down to personal preference.
My first dates generally start with coffee then turn into a walk in the park if things are going well. A coffee shop is also just a convient place to meet. But I guess that is also going to depend on city layout.
The dutchie in me got confused for a second when u said coffee shop, but hey going to get some weed together can be a fun first date if it's your thing.
It's a safety thing too. Most girls want a public place for a first date. Especially from an app. A park is romantic and nice but offers little in safety depending on the size, location and popularity of the area. So, grab a coffee first. Then suggest a walk around if you want to get a little closer. No need to stay at the coffee house but a park for a first meet can sounds like a frightening proposal for a single woman.
Ok, the park I'm imagining is definitely a safe, public space. I meant something like a city park, not a national park or something, maybe that wasn't clear.
Even if you want to do something more interesting than coffee, find something better than "let's go together to a remote area where no one will hear you scream or find your body" or even just "you'll be stuck the whole afternoon with no way out if it turns out you don't like me." If you want to do something like that, I would recommend a climbing gym or something like that instead. It's public and it's easy to leave, two things you should make sure to include in a first date.
I might be boring, but I would hate a climbing gym first date. It’s public and easy to leave, but requires certain clothing, involves weird contortions and angles, and I’d get red and sweaty af. I’m not especially femme (so no makeup problems), but that’s still a recipe for self consciousness for me.
Obviously if you float it beforehand and they accept, that’s great (and they’re probably more what you’re looking for), I would just not suggest that as an extension of a coffee date. I could see it going either way from your comment, so I just wanted to note it.
Well it was just the first idea close to hiking that popped in my mind (that fit the public and easy to leave criterion). I personally wouldn't do that since a) I'm a couch potato and b) I'm happily married (and haven't really dated before that).
It’s also one of those self-selection things though :)
I always do nature trails and I carry pepper spray, and take a trail I know well so I can get us back to the parking lot quickly if I wanna pack it up sooner. Most trails in my area are well populated to boot.
I absolutely wouldn't go on a remote hiking trail with a stranger. That's just asking for a bad time.
Good points, I agree.
In my opinion dating is basically an interview. Though for a first date i would choose some light activity so if conversation doesn't naturally come it wouldn't be awkward.
I agree, coffee dates suck. I usually do a nature walk for a 1st date because it's free and gives us something to do.