I finally started to come to terms with being trans, and this week has basically been non-stop coming out to people, which has been kinda rough to say the least... My wife and I were married for 4 years and planning on kids, but she saw some clear signs and really made me introspect and finally come to this realization. She's struggling hard and doesn't know what to do, as she feels like she has to mourn the man she married and "doesn't want a wife".

She moved out on Monday, and we had separate Thanksgivings with friends and had to explain to friends and family what was going on. I have a phenomenal support network of friends who've been helping me through this, but my family is distraught beyond belief at what the future holds and feel absolutely blindsided by all of this. Which, to be fair, I've done a phenomenal job at hiding it, even from myself.

Even despite all this, I feel like I've never been happier, which almost makes it feel even worse at times knowing so I've hurt some of the people I love the most so much. It also just causes so much of that doubt to come rushing back in, that I'm "faking it", and that things can "go back to normal". I know it's just a coping mechanism, and that rationally I have literally written pages of peer-reviewed journals with pretty clear "Here's why you're trans, dummy", but goddamn if it doesn't make the whole thing that much harder when those pangs of doubt come creeping back in and making it feel like I'm throwing my life away for nothing.

TL;DR it's aight