this post was submitted on 10 Jan 2025
766 points (95.5% liked)

The Onion

5863 readers
940 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 51 points 3 months ago (6 children)

Don't worry, everyone. Trump will be in office soon, and everything will get fixed.

[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 25 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Absolutely! He has the best plans. Just ask him what they are.

[–] TheDoozer@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

The best concepts of plans.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

His plans are war, he says he will empower Israel even more and then as a result warring with Lebanon and Iran, possibly Egypt but maybe not, will spread.

He hasn't outright said the consequences of his actions but it doesn't take a genius to work it out.

[–] BetaBlake@lemmy.world 18 points 3 months ago (1 children)

He'll magically lower the prices of fire hoses and air tanker pilot training.

[–] pupbiru@aussie.zone 2 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

more like he will jack up the prices and personally pocket the difference somehow

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)

/s is mandatory, if you need evidence that your take is a commonly held belief then I give you 6,264,244 DNC voters who stayed home and 77,303,573 Trump voters who showed up.

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world -3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Listen, randomfirstword+randomsecondword, you're gonna have to get a better script from your handler, because shit like this may have worked 6 years ago, but now it's just static.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world -2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

FiniteBanjo is my actual brandname. Site launches sometime this year.

WBY mr. randomadjective randomverb?

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world -2 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Ahh, yes, totally verifiable and definitely not a sad sack in a troll farm, right comrade? Mine is from a Gorillaz song, "All Alone" off of Demon Days. Give it a listen, it's my favorite track on a completely stacked LP.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Well if you want the inspiration, then I had this shower thought that a guitar base kind of looks like an infinite symbol and from that you can derive the finite banjo.

[–] melisdrawing@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Such a banging album.

[–] nieminen@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Can't tell if it's sarcasm, or if you're super misguided....

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Just like the kids in The Goonies fixed the statue of David by gluing the dick back on upside down, so too shall Trump invert the American dingus in acts of corporate interest and capitalistic greed.

[–] Masta_Chief@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

What a sentence

[–] SoJB@lemmy.ml -1 points 3 months ago

Liberal reveals fundamental incapability of understanding why every county in their entire nation shifted towards Trump

In other news, water is wet and libs support genocide