Not sure where else to post this besides here…if it’s more appropriate somewhere else, please direct me there.
31, male, virgin, autism, bipolar, socially awkward, ostracized growing up, hit with the ugly stick.
I have decided to end the search for a romantic partner in the face of 100% failure over the past decade and a half. The idea that everyone has a soulmate is bullshit, and I’m one of the ones who doesn’t. I have not found anyone who seems to want me (there was a brief LDR but she was psychotic, as I quickly found, and things ended very shortly after they began), and given my near-total lack of experience I don’t see any point in making any further efforts.
I cannot change how anyone sees me nor can I compel anyone to view me in a certain light. Whatever flaws I possess in addition to those already mentioned are, apparently, deep-rooted and systemic to the point that I don’t know what I need to change about myself, nor do I think at this point that it’s even possible (or indeed worth it).
I have tried to make my peace with this. Every time I think I’ve done it, though, something comes up and I’m back to square one again. (This time around it was a random manic or mixed episode.) I am in therapy, but these matters persist in causing me negative effects on my mental and physical health. The term “touch-starved” has been applied to me, among others.
I need to put this issue to rest in order to actually move on and do things with my life. How do I subdue and get over the desire for companionship?
Do you have platonic friends? Humans need a community to be a part of, so if you don't have one you should start by finding one. Recognize that companionship comes in many different forms, not just romantically. Just because you have hit pause on pursuing romance, doesn't mean you should become a total hermit (unless that will make you happy, which it sounds like it wouldn't).
Find people with similar interests and hobbies you can connect over. Show up to places consistently so you can start to know the people who are doing the same things you are at the same time you do them.
Yes. They're all platonic.
Ask them if anyone fancies a [platonic] cuddle. It helps. A lot.