this post was submitted on 21 Dec 2023
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Relationship Advice
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You need to have a conversation about timelines at the very least. This is not sustainable. Does her additional commitment have an end date? Or is there a way to move to less extreme hours as she gains seniority at her job?
Having a timeline for when things will return to a more normal amount of time together will make it easier in the meantime. Also, if you can agree to a date night where you disconnect from your devices and do something together at a regular schedule may help you keep from feeling as much relationship strain.
This is a great point, but the timeline is whenever she decides to not have this job anymore, vertical movement is not an option. And the other commitment ends when someone else agrees she's earned it, who knows when that will be.
I'll try the date night idea, it's just difficult with only an hour to use. I understand her desperation to have that 1 and only hour she gets each day to herself. It feels like it's asking a lot (at least, from her) to say "I know you've been on duty for all but 1 hour of your day, but can you take care of me now?"
She doesn't appear to have the same need to find time with me, so the suggestion "let's do something together" almost feels like asking her to do a chore like washing the dishes or doing the laundry. She needs me to be strong and independent and not another thing that needs her attention, like the kids. It doesn't feel fair, but when is life fair?