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My Debian Hypervisor do have a DE (GNOME) to be able to easily access virtual machines with virt-manager if I mess up their networking, my Debian VMs run CLI only though.
Regarding your last section I agree strongly - I only expose my vpn with no other incoming ports open. You also don't need to invest in a domain if you do it this way.
I don't mind helping my friends install their openvpn client and certificate and it's nice to not have my services bombarded with failed connection attempts.
Well I guess that depends on your level of proficiency with the cli. I personally don't want a DE running ever, in fact my system doesn't even have a GPU nor a CPU that can do graphics.
With that said, do you know about Cockpit? It provides you with a very light WebUI for any server and has a virtual machine manager as well.
Yes I know the feeling ahahah. Now you should consider Wireguard, it's way easier and lighter. Check out the links I provided, there's a nice WebUI to provision clients there.
Cockpit
I do know about and use Cockpit with said virtual machine manager but I mostly use it as a shutdown/boot/restart app in my phone and a convenient service monitor and log viewer when troubleshooting.
Wireguard/OpenVPN
I really should try out Wireguard sometime but currently OpenVPN is fast enough for my bandwidth and I was already proficient with setting it up before Wireguard.
The WebUI definitely looks useful.
So... no need for a DE :) Wireguard is so damn good, even if you manual setup it's just easier.
No real need for me to remove it either, but your point stands. :)
Well, it's not just about RAM. A DE comes with dozens of packages and things that get updated, startup delays and whatnot.