Older women, women with weight changes or visible disabilities, or transfolk of Lemmy - how has the male gaze changed for you? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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Hello ladies (current and former) of Lemmy (current) - I'm curious how your experience of the male gaze has changed as you moved in and out of young-woman-hood.

How has your opinion of being seen changed through this process?

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[-] Pandantic@midwest.social 16 points 5 months ago

I’ve lost weight (finally in the healthy range for my height) and I’ve noticed more guys look at me when I walk by than when I was overweight. I don’t mind and it doesn’t really affect me. I decided a long time ago that what people think about me is their own business and idgaf.

I’ve also got catcalled more while walking, which is not fun and does bother me.

[-] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 4 points 5 months ago

Have you ever gotten the classic whistle? I feel like that's just in movies.

[-] ChexMax@lemmy.world 10 points 5 months ago

I've gotten the whistle. Only when I was a teenager though. Seems the type of man who whistles doesn't like adult women

[-] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 months ago

Have you gotten the guy in a pickup pulling up to ask if you're single like one of the other responders?

[-] Pandantic@midwest.social 6 points 5 months ago

No, more like “Hey, baby!” and “Nice ass!” A couple of times they yelled, “Bitch!” or something similar after, which makes me feel a bit threatened so I watch for the car the rest of the walk, which is annoying and inconvenient.

[-] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 5 points 5 months ago

I wonder if that stuff ever works and guys hear about a friend of a friend who got a date that way, or if they're all just independantly shouting into the void.

I could almost imagine someone responding positively to "nice ass", but "Bitch" is just obviously never gonna work. That's some incel energy there.

[-] Pandantic@midwest.social 6 points 5 months ago

I think it’s about power or a different mindset (as in, “they will take it as a compliment”). And the “Bitch” was only after I didn’t turn around to look at them when they yelled the “compliment”, I think. They didn’t get the response they wanted so they determined I was a bitch.

[-] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 4 points 5 months ago

I try to do drive by compliments, but not while literally driving ... Just stuff like "cool hat!" and walk off so they don't need to respond or engage with me.

I would like to be told I have a nice ass, but that's because it doesn't happen (even though I think I deserve it). It sounds like being hit on often cheapens it.

[-] Pandantic@midwest.social 3 points 5 months ago

I do drive-by compliments too, especially if someone is sporting a fandom I like. I think it’s different when it’s a stranger complimenting a body feature - it implies sexual attraction which can feel objectifying and, unfortunately in the world we live in, unsafe. I don’t know this person, I just know they felt comfortable enough to anonymously shout a comment about a sexual part of my body, so what else do they feel comfortable enough to do?

[-] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 2 points 5 months ago

Gotcha. Yeah, I would never comment on a stranger's body/face/smell. Even if I don't mean anything by it, creepy is in the eye of the beholder.

this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2024

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