I don't believe we had any right to be there. While I don't know too many war veterans, a handful I met were absolutely head fucked from going to war. They went in wanting money for school, and they came out feeling like they got scammed all the way. Or fucked up permanently from some accident. Only one I ever met who was a decent human being that wasn't bitter was a cop. And I swear to god he walked the line because he was a cop. And 10/10 he was a good guy. But I would hate everything. I would scorch the Earth around me and walk with tears. I come from a military family, but was so very gay. Which stopped me from enlisting. And I am so thankful that my queer ass stayed out because I for sure would have been destroyed had I enlisted. Big hugs, and big sorrows. If you have the ability and the heart, you should find a way to spread your story. Through some kind of publication. Something that can be documented. Perhaps not now, but even when you're older (I know a lot of people tend to share their stories that could get them in trouble later in life to sort of gloss over mitigation). They're important to share, because you witness the atrocities of man. I didn't grow up during the AIDS crisis, but in hearing the stories passed on it really changed my feelings about the world and the way it works. I am still moved by the stories, as I am moved by yours. So I hope you get a chance to share on a larger scale at some point in your life. And that it doesn't harm you too much in doing so. Safe healing, tender heart.

Yeah, my MIL was Irish catholic, but she (and by extension, my wife) lost religion after my wife dealt with some horrific health issues as a child/teen. MIL had to watch my wife go through the horribly painful health issues for literal years, while being entirely unable to help.

At first she prayed, then as time went on she begged and tried bargaining… And eventually she fell into the epicurean paradox of “a truly benevolent god would never force this on a child.”