I don't, we split it or I pay or I concede gracefully.

If someone is my friend, I'm not going to engage in weird power-plays.

Years ago i was arguing with a friend's boyfriend about paying. He said, "offer twice, then be gracious and say thank you." That's what i do now.

Get up and go to the bathroom before the bill comes, but after everything has been ordered. On the way, away from the table and your friend, give the waiter your card and ask them to run the bill.

I'd tell my friend that this one is on me. If they protested I'd offer to let them take the next time we ate at a restaurant.

I'm a big fan of paying bills separately though.

Go to the bathroom, on the way somehow get the waiters attention, give them your card and tell them to be sure to charge it to yours.

Work it out yourselves as adults not a trap on the waiter. Meanwhile as adults, the invitee has the right the claim the bill, otherwise split it. There are rare exceptions and you all should be mature enough to sort that out through conversation.

Exceptions: if a friend is unemployed or having trouble and I’m not I’ll always offer gently to pick up the bill. Don’t fight if they refuse. There’s a few friends where we alternate for historical reasons There’s one friend who helped my family in a way I don’t consider ever able to pay back, they know in advance that they don’t pay for meals if they’re with us. Because it’s simply the least we can do.

You should feel terrible. They're just trying to do their job while you're making it awkward at best. This was always one of the most annoying things to deal with.

-Just put your card on the menu when you hand it to the waiter after ordering.

-when you use the washroom, find the waiter and give them your card.

-Talk to your friend before the check comes. Offer to pay, if no then go 50/50 or separate checks. They probably feel as awkward as you would if they paid.

I get up to go to the bathroom, find the waiter, and take care of it then.

What do you mean take your card? Why wouldn't they take your card?

This reminds me of my dad and grandfather having good natured arguments about who was going to pay. It would last a good 5-10 minutes, with one of them ‘winning’. It was all in good fun, and the wait staff usually had a blast watching.

In reality, they alternated who would pay, and did this mostly for fun.

I work casual in a fish and chip shop. Yesterday there were two ladies who were fighting each other over who would pay. I really would have preferred they didn’t as they were reaching over the counter and tapping the machine before i had even put in everything

Whomever invited the other person, have the "right" to pay. If you both just bumped into each other, then the "home" side pays. If both persons are locals, then the socially "senior" pays. If both are of the same social rank, then the one who didn't pay the last time should pay. If all else fails, split it 50/50.

Mumble one half-hearted remark about paying the bill, and trail off at the end. Then get up and go to the bathroom for 45 minutes.

...what?

So I go either of two way. Most of the time if my offer to pay is rejected I don't offer again, I want to pay but also the other person wants to pay right.. so I just let them. But if I'm absolutely determined to pay I'll offer, if it's rejected I don't offer again but I don't put my card away, when it's time to tap or swipe and my friend is fucking around trying to get the card out of their wallet I move in and strike, and slam my card in that reader and the bill is paid before they even know what the fuck is going on, then I just walk off leaving them to accept the receipt of defeat from the cashiers.

The pro move is to leave your credit card on file when you make the reservation.

If this is a game you really want to play then just keep raising your voice while insisting. Your voice can always go louder. I learned this from my blind grandmother who absolutely always paid.

I'll tell the waiter that my friend is an international counterfeiter and they should accept nothing from them

What my uncle did was get up to "go to the washroom" and paid.

Same here. "I'll start flipping every fucking table in this place unless you let me pay."

If not that, I loudly proclaim that I have to go take a big, creamy shit, and then I simply go find the waiter to pay.

Important detail: who chose the restaurant? Your choice, your cheque.