74
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by tattletaletimes@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social

Parents worldwide have proposed a new group of events that showcase the everyday heroics required to raise children. These proposed events promise to be as grueling as the triathlon.

1. The Family Dog Walk The Family Dog Walk combines canine management with child safety in a chaotic, high-stakes event. Participants must walk two untrained dogs on leashes while pushing a stroller and ensuring a toddler doesn't dart into oncoming traffic. This event requires world-class coordination, iron-clad patience, and the reflexes of a professional athlete. Extra points for picking up dog poop without the stroller rolling away.

2. The Toddler PJ Wrestling Match Inspired by the ancient art of Greco-Roman wrestling, the Toddler PJ Wrestling Match challenges parents to wrestle a wriggling toddler into a pair of zip-up pajamas that are at least one size too small. Competitors must contend with the notorious "alligator roll," where the toddler thrashes and flails with the agility of a gazelle. Points are awarded for speed, technique, and completing the match without the parent or toddler crying.

Read the rest of this article and more at TattletaleTimes.com

EDIT: Changed article picture to stock photo due to feedback

top 18 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] faltryka@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

Hard mode for the PJ Wrestling is that the toddler is slightly damp after swimming or bath time.

[-] tattletaletimes@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

while clutching a bath toy in each hand with a death grip

[-] taiyang@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Welp, someone at Telltale Times has a toddler. Aside from the dog walk, this is pretty much my day everyday without hyperbole. Would be funny if it wasn't so exhausting.

Oh, and to add, they need an isolation event because spending the day with kids and kids alone is awful for both introvert and extrovert alike. I don't care to go out but I also can't be alone with my thoughts.

[-] tattletaletimes@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

5 y/o, 2y/o and a dog here, I feel your pain! ๐Ÿ˜†

You're right, I forgot to include events that test parents' sanity and mental fortitude. That would really break the parents that are skating through the events due to their natural athletic ability.

[-] stormesp@lemm.ee 6 points 3 months ago

Was the terrible AI image needed?

[-] tattletaletimes@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I have a hard time finding free stock photos for my articles at times so sometimes I use AI. Apologies Edit: I'll follow what the votes say and change the pic to the stock photo I was originally considering, thanks for the feedback

[-] Tagger@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

Yeah, how dare you use a free, really available toll to illustrate your articles. clearly you are a monster.

[-] tattletaletimes@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago

ty, i'd love to pay for custom art/photos for articles someday but the website is just run by myself as a side hobby so needing to use the free options for now.

[-] Tagger@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago

Hey, sorry, I thought my sarcasm was more obvious. I don't think there is anything wrong with you using the ai art. Keep on going with your side-gig!!

[-] tattletaletimes@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

no i understood! i started it with a 'thank you' but i could see how you could think that. I obviously am fluent in sarcasm or i wouldn't have this website.

[-] stormesp@lemm.ee -1 points 3 months ago

because that free tool was created stealing from artist? And not only that, the art had very clear anatomy problems, like limbs and perspective that made no sense and did a disservice to the writer.

[-] stormesp@lemm.ee 0 points 3 months ago

Thanks, i might have sound harsher than it was needed, but to create that AI image the art of artist was stolen without credit nor payment or consent. I get that sometimes it can be hard to find pics, specially illustrations that fit for free, but thats because that pic took money and time from the artist themselves.

[-] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 3 points 3 months ago

how can you tell that it's AI?

[-] tattletaletimes@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

due to feedback, i ditched the AI image and replaced it with a stock photo. I'll add an Edit note to the post to make sure its more clear.

[-] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 2 points 3 months ago

Ah, thank you. I was concerned that I couldn't distinguish AI from real people.

[-] tattletaletimes@lemmy.world 0 points 3 months ago

Haha yes I could see that being confusing if you're looking at the current pic ๐Ÿ˜

[-] stormesp@lemm.ee 1 points 3 months ago

A lot of problems with the lineart not being well defined or blurry in multiple places and a lot of limbs, specially hands tbh making no sense with how they were interacting with the items they had close like the one riding the bike.

[-] Banichan@dormi.zone 5 points 3 months ago

This has strong Puppy Bowl vibes ๐Ÿ˜‚

this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2024
74 points (87.0% liked)

The Onion

4421 readers
1893 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS