580
On Bears
(mander.xyz)
If it’s white good night.
Who taught you to rime?
Vanilla Ice. Now stop. Collaborate and listen!
rime
The ancient mariner did
Ice pun you got there.
Polar bears.
No thyme for that when a polar bear is on you.
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If it's black, panic. If it's brown, panic. If it's white, panic.
Always panic.
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This video while long does a great job teaching you how to act in active bear territory.
The TLDW is: -
- In active bear territory carry bear spray and be ready to use it
- You can't out run a bear don't try
- bear bells don't work
- playing dead makes it easier for the bear to maul you
- when hiking with a group and encounter an aggressive bear stand shoulder to shoulder and prepare your bear spray
- let the bear decide how they want to leave the encounter (if they are not attacking you)
- outside of a momma bear, most "attacks" are bluffs but can be scary as shit.
- guns work but you better be a good and quick shot cuz bears run fast and are very intimidating doing so
- a gun shot can help scare away most bears
My chance at pedantry! Also, some black bears are brown, and some grizzlies are black. If you live in overlapping territory, it may be easier to know them by shape... but if you're close enough to discern shape, you're already in a bad spot.
I've heard the best way to tell the difference is to check your pants. If you crapped your pants it's probably a grizzly.
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Rhymes don't matter if it's a polar bear.
"If it's white, goodnight." is the way I learned it.
So are polar bears considered more dangerous and aggro than grizzlies? I mean it wouldn’t be too crazy, particularly since it’s probably rare to encounter one, compare to grizzlies. But just had never really heard that.
Polar bears, because of their location, see everything as food. Black bears and grizzlies, while omnivores, are more specific.
And I feel like I have to say this to counter this weird perception online: black bears and grizzlies do not hunt humans. They generally don't like humans and will stay away. But carry bear spray.
Polar bears don't find food as readily as Grizzly bears. If a Grizzly hesitates on a salmon, it'll find another salmon.
If a Polar hesitates on a penguin, it could starve.
Your point is correct, but for accuracy’s sake penguins live in the Antarctic and polar bears live in the Arctic.
So it’s really unlikely they’ll get a second one in time
That'd make penguin an exotic delicacy,
Gotcha so the idea is they’re just gonna give it a shot and try to eat you, regardless, because the stakes, they are high?
To be fair, in a moral sense, they should absolutely try and eat every human they can get their claws on; we have done a bang up job on making their habitat and food sources disappear.
Their habitat has also shrunk so much, and their population dwindled so much, that they have gotten fairly inbred and that is causing more aggression and insanity.
There is also a female polar that keeps breeding with grizzlies, and those offspring are consistently more aggressive and dangerous.
Inbreeding causing aggression.
Cross-breeding causing aggression.
Dammit biology
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because the stakes, they are high?
I also heard it's because a typical polar bear has never encountered anything that moves that isn't food.
So they don't have any mental category for "moving things on the ice I should flee from" or even "moving things on the ice that isn't totally delicious".
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"I'm a magical red face bear. Come closer, i'll show you some cool trick"
My sister lives in Alaska. The locals say that you can tell if you're in grizzly territory by checking any bear poop you find. If it contains bells and smell like bear spray, you know there are grizzlies nearby.
When I visited Alaska, they said you should always take the sights off your rifle. That way it doesn't hurt as much when the grizzly shoves it up your ass.
Good thing black is all we've ever seen in our yard.
Pet it. Boop that snoot.
If you boop the snoot, will it droop?
You could try, but odds are it would run away before you could get close enough.
I've actually heard that with black bears the best method is to ditch it in central park with a bicycle.
What do I do in event I encounter a sun bear?
This the one the women chose?
Give it a tootsie pop and see how many licks it takes to get to the center
Ask for a BJ.
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Ursaring, Pangoro, and Beartic are all weak to Fighting. So, just make sure you've got your Lucario at hand and Calm Mind-ed up, and pummel them with Aura Sphere. That way, you can also keep your distance.
(Yes, I know Pangoro is a panda and not a black bear. But, uhm, uh... shut up!)
Strangely applies to American police, too
Edit:
upon reflection, this sounds like I think white cops are better. What I meant to say is that the white cops are just gonna shoot you so gg.
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If it's white, try to lunge your head into the bear's mouth to make it quick.
If it's white, chances are I already died of hypothermia.
Im so glad I'm not the only one that thought of that
Sir, You were almost mouled to death, You are lucky You only lost one arm. Why the hell, did You try to punch that bear? I saw it in a meme once...
Response to a bear attack depends on the type of attack, not the type of bear.
If it’s a defensive attack, play dead. If it’s a predatory attack, then fight back.
If it's a defensive attack then stop being offensive towards bears. If it's a predatory attack then start being more offensive towards bears.
What do you think would be the most offensive thing to say to a bear? Or maybe there’s a hand gesture or something that’s really taboo?
I just want to be prepared in case I ever need to know.
"Your mama was a rug!"
"Your momma is my rug"
Or possibly
"DJ Vance's couch is made out of your momma. Allegedlys"
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this post was submitted on 08 Aug 2024
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