Hang on while I get into my Devil's Advocate clothes. Gotta . . . get the horns just right . . aaand . . okay. So this is just pretend, right? I'm not really a demon incarnate on Earth to inflict suffering, I'm just a dog on the internet like all of you okay? Okay - just relax. ahem

So, as it happens I have seen a little bit of "real" court - I don't mean tv shows, I mean actual, y'know, trials and motions and this and that and things. And I have also had some other random experiences that have given me some different insight into court than I had originally anticipated.

Namely, this: a large segment of young people routinely get a large section of their lives cruelly transformed into a literal living hell because they don't do very simple things: Polite greetings. Common courtesies. Lack of open hostility.

There is definitely a time and a place to challenge authority. Many - times and places, actually, but when you are in front of The Judge to Be Tried is not that time. Yet it happens so, so often. As an extreme example, may I refer everyone to the relatively recent phenomenon of the "sovereign citizen" or "natural human" trend of people who spend a lot of time challenging everyone's legal authority to act on their lives in any capacity? You may have seen examples of this, why, right here on our very own Lemmy - screenshots and things of people who claim to have challenged traffic stops and magistrates and so on. All to stunningly disastrous effect that somehow never diminishes their zeal for trying it out.

To those people - the young, underrepresented, terrified, courageous people and the old, confused, overprivileged, bold people who find themselves centre stage of a courtroom, I implore you: Mind Your Manners. Because it works.

Yes, the simple "please and thank you" approach to human interactions can prove invaluable at this very time. Even when everyone around you demands that you be your most detatched, your most surly, your rudest, biggest self. "Defend yourself!" they say. "Be strong! Show that judge you won't take their crap!" - Nay nay. This is poor advice when you are already in the courtroom and the hearing has started.

So if I'm a judge who sees this all the time- every day, seriously every goddamned day - and I get a classroom of kids to come in and listen to What Court Is Like - I'm especially sensitive to the kid who is making a point of being disrespectful. (Editor's Note: The Devil's Advocate does not actually know the details of this case. The Devil's Advocate is working on the assumption that the kid didn't just 'fall asleep' because they were so tired from working 3 jobs but rather they were . . . insubordinate and churlish.)

Yes, as a judge who wants to help all these kids avoid losing a year of their life to juvvie or 20 years to prison or 3 years of very expensive, very stressful probation even - I need them to know this thing: In court - in front of the judge - be nice.

Do YOU know that? Of course you know that. Do you feel differently? Absolutely fine. One must do what one feels is right, of course. It's intended to be helpful advice. Yes, perhaps our officious and no-doubt imperious judge has overstepped in his misplaced zeal to implore these young people to not, as the kids say, "fuck up". Perhaps his reprimand will bring us a measure of satisfaction; that a judge should get comeuppance is always delightful. But let us also recognize the situation that led to this difficult predicament for our strident judiciate.

Perhaps, just maybe, the idea that no one wants to be at Court and "If You Are, Do This" is a reasonable lesson that deserves serious consideration.