Scroll lock. To protect your scrolls.

Polymorphism

World wide web would be an OP spell

Heartbleed

I am a level 17 Install Wizard.

Unstable Ram

Memory Leak

• Terminal shell
• Kill daemon
• Timeshift
• Cloud hosting
• Ethernet
• Overwrite memory
• Free memory
• Poison artifical intelligence

Terminal escape

Privilege escalation

Command injection

Dependency injection

Halt and Catch Fire

Default Gateway

Split Horizon

Routing Overhead

Broadcast Storm

edit:fkn markdown

I had a bit too much fun with these :)

Magical Items

• The Bandwidth Cap
  Cursed item that limits the magical power of it's wearer
• The Token Ring
  Magical ring that allows the wielder to communicate over large distances. They can receive messages from one token ring and send message to another.
• The Memory Barrier
  Protective charm that shields the mind from intrusion.
• The Shadow Register
  A magical ledger that records secrets and hidden locations in the immediate area.
• The Superscalar
  A legendary shimmering sword that can strike multiple foes in a single attack.

Spells

• Loopback
  Redirects a spell to its point of origin.
• Jabber
  Causes the target to produce incoherent speech and lose its train of thought.
• Branch Prediction
  Gives the caster foresight to predict their opponent's next action.
• Traceroute
  A tracking spell that reveals the path of a target.
• Mask
  Hides the caster's true identity.
• Hypertransport
  Enables instantaneous movement over short distances.
• Interrupt
  Counterspell to disrupt an enemy's casting.

Spell modifiers

• Broadcast
  Modifies spell to affect a large area.
• Unicast
  Modifies spell to affect a single point with maximum damage.
• Multicast
  Modfies spell to affect multiple selected targets.
• Repeater
  Modifies spell to recast itself over multiple turns.

• Hypervisor
• time daemon
• privilege escalation

Asynchronous Threads

Port Forward (this one just sounds like a dope place)

Remote Host

Domain Controller

Immutable Type

• Big endian (a very powerful NPC)
• Hardware abstraction (a spell that makes all the stuff disappears)
• Obfuscation (invisibility spell)
• Multiplexing (ability to cast several spells as one)
• Dangling reference (when wrong information is given by somebody)
• Curiously Recurring Template Pattern (basically crop circles)
• Pure virtual method (anything somebody learned but will never use)
• Diamond inheritance (when someone in the party dies and all of their money is spread accross the others)

Can you tell what's my job?

CAT5e sounds like a fifth-edition ruleset

• rowhammer
• rainbow table
• global interpreter lock
• race condition (atrocity?)
• core dump

Ethernet

kill all children

• Defragmentation

Memory leak

Destructor

Dynamic dispatch

Execute

Sanity check
Wildcard
Merge Bash Overwrite memory
Key binding
Class inheritance

• Race condition

• Physical Layer

• Fast Fourier Transform

• COBOL

• Penetration testing

• Tiger Team

• Zombie process

• Alice, Bob and Carol (some NPCs)

• Brute Force Attack
• Markov Chain
• Singular Matrix
• Pow
• map
• bind
• variable name (thief's favorite)
• Ballmer Peak
• Fourier Transformation (2nd level: FFT)
• Gaussian Elimination
• Double

Disconnect Peripheral: Removes someone's limb.

Critical Vulnerability: Increases critical hit rate.

Memory buffer: Allows you yo remember things better.

Zero Trust: curse. You become suspicious of your allies.

Artificers use assembly language to cast their spells.

1st level wild shape ability byte.
4th level wild shape ability megabyte.
8th level wild shape ability gigabyte.
9th level wild shape ability terabyte

Bonus 0th level ability: nibble

Rust - rusts metal. When miscast, makes the target a crab of some sort

Go - Same as "command" spell

Regular Expression - makes any cryptic message understandable in a language you know

Transfer Protocol - allows the teleportation of one packet to a willing host

Read Only - cast on a book, scroll or any other thing with written words. Ensures no further words can be written. No scribbles or any sort of artwork will stick either. The object can still be destroyed

Icon - For a short period, the target of the spell becomes a beloved, or hated, icon of a subject. IE: beloved icon of beauty, hated icon of music.

Master Boot Record - this magical list contains all the master level boots ever created and their current whereabouts

Partition Table - allows any object with at least 2 flat sides to be cut into any shape

Agile Method

Kill

Clone

Daemon Process

Kernel Space - banishes the target to a plane of existence filled with corn

B Tree - an AOE summon of a permanent swarm of bees in the targeted area until the bees all die or leave naturally

Monad - device that transmutes one set of spell components into another. These can be strung together to form very complex things.

Extended Backus-Naur Form - Allows one to transform into a memetic form to be carried in the mind of another; also extends to your clothing and any carried items.

LUT - A table appears 10ft above your target and falls on it dealing 1d6 bludgeoning.

"LOOK! UP! TABLE!"

Ping of death

Bash

Vim (clearly a buff)

Deadlock

Priority inversion

Debugging

Source compilation

Python runtime. Time for you to run from these pythons bitch.

BSOD. Pretty self-explanatory

Agile development. Raises Dex everytime a new enemy enters vision.

• Ring zero
• Bootkit/Rootkit
• Attacker in the middle
• Intercepting proxy
• Daemon

Y’all might be interested in the book series by Charles Stross starting with The Atrocity Archives.