96
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by Joker@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

I tried chatting on some of the recommended apps on Reddit and I can confirm that none of them work.

Which bring me to the following question: How do you find people who are interested in long-term relationships online?

Note: Please don't suggest looking in the real life.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] bear@lemmynsfw.com 3 points 2 hours ago
  1. Be the friend you wish to have.
  2. Show people who you are.
  3. Follow up with the best of them.
[-] squid_slime@lemm.ee 3 points 2 hours ago

Kink dating apps seem to work well for me. Also rather than swiping on repeats and ladies that aren't my type I block, sounds heartless but its good to have a boundary and stops mainstream dating apps from repeating the same people. personal I avoid woman who in every photo are at a club, wear brands, plastic surgery, essentially they have life styles at odds from mine. Outdoorsy, intelligent seems my type so basically don't shy from setting boundary.

And like most other comments have mentioned, pursue your passion, if thats video game, science fiction or sports, post about it, have discussions and genuinely seek positive interactions.

[-] maniel@sopuli.xyz 13 points 1 day ago

You have to be kinda attractive, I found my wife that way, she messaged me, that's how we met

[-] qarbone@lemmy.world 3 points 19 hours ago

Ah, piss. Glad I threw in the towel early.

[-] LenielJerron@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

I don't know much about how to enter into a relationship online; I know people who have done it, but it's never been something that I've been interested in. However, many of my strongest friendships were made online.

The trick to making friends online is to not set out with the intention of making friends. It's paradoxical, I know. What you should do is just find something that you're interested in, find places online you can talk about them, and try talking about them. Personally I like math, so I met some friends on internet math chatrooms and forums. I like Star Wars, and I made some good friends through talking about Star Wars online.

Many such places also have a casual conversation place attached. In niche communities where you (a) are already engaging with people with a common interest and (b) there's few enough people that you will see names and faces regularly, but enough people that the conversation never dies down, eventually you'll become a known quantity and make friends.

Probably the best answer here. I've seen a 10+ year relationship start on World of Warcraft, so anything is possible.

[-] shani66@ani.social 51 points 1 day ago
[-] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 28 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Just when the guild splinters in two because a clique will fix all the problems with the old guild, always go with the new folk, they will appreciate your loyalty. At least until y'all invariably splinter again, but then you'll get new appreciation!

[-] figjam@midwest.social 1 points 11 hours ago

They didn't take me because I wasn't willing to raid 4 nights a week. I also wasn't a tank

[-] RagnarokOnline@programming.dev 17 points 1 day ago

This person guilds

load more comments (4 replies)
[-] henfredemars@infosec.pub 43 points 1 day ago

This isn't so easy although it does happen. Most people aren't meant to be in your life long-term IMHO and this typically isn't the expectation that others will have when talking to randoms online. I met my wife on a porn site, although I wouldn't recommend attempting to execute such a strategy for example. I recommend online activities that encourage interacting with a small group ofpeople on a consistent basis, such as a DND group, rolepaying, or perhaps writing short stories where you get the chance to know each other better while enjoying an activity that already makes you happy if you can find one.

[-] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 53 points 1 day ago

I met my wife on a porn site

You cant leave us hanging like this, should they make it into a Hallmark movie ? Performer? was she a performer or were you, both ? Or both just fellow connisuers?

[-] henfredemars@infosec.pub 36 points 1 day ago

Sorry! No, we're not performers nor especially attractive. In the interest of keeping it family-friendly we have a special interest and we connected because we were both fans of the same performer who is associated with and known for that special interest content that not many people like to enjoy. We are also avid writers so we wrote stories based on that special interest, and then we ended up getting to know each other through that writing. Writing is how we expressed those feelings that we can't share with other people who don't understand us as easily. After about a year of hanging out virtually I took a week off work and came to visit.

[-] osaerisxero@kbin.melroy.org 41 points 1 day ago

I gotta say, that's really sweet.

Even if it's because of some 11/10 degen shit that kicked it off. Maybe especially because of it.

[-] Oka@sopuli.xyz 14 points 1 day ago

I'd watch this documentary.

[-] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 day ago

I can't be the only one itching to know what kind of degen shit it was, can I?

[-] osaerisxero@kbin.melroy.org 16 points 1 day ago

I mean, sure, but they very carefully spent most of that big assed paragraph not saying it, it would be rude to press further.

[-] datavoid@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 day ago

Why press? This is the time for wild speculation

[-] RedditRefugee69@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 23 hours ago

It's poop stuff.

[-] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 7 points 1 day ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

"If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college."

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Anissem@lemmy.ml 32 points 1 day ago

Having reached my 40s, I’ve kind of given up on this sadly. With my work schedule and what it takes out of me, I’ve realized that I’m not that great of a friend anyhow. I can be flaky honestly. But there’s a hole inside of me that I’ve always wanted to fill with a friend, a real connection beyond typical friendship. I’m leaving that hole open but I’ve learned to avoid looking at it. Hope you find your friend.

[-] Umthisguy@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago

Too relatable, sadly. I'm here if you want to talk.

[-] Anissem@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 day ago

Thanks man. Extra tough during the holidays since my family is a dumpster fire.

[-] Jarix@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Preaching the end of the world - Chris Cornell

Edit: probably should explain that i was listening to this song when i read your comment and the one up from yours

[-] Anissem@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 day ago
[-] jeffw@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I can confirm that apps work. Half of my relationships as an adult are from online dating.

[-] Jarix@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

What are the other half from?

[-] jeffw@lemmy.world 1 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

Just meeting people? Like, human interaction. Clubs (I’ve led some volunteer groups), random events, etc. Just not at work.

[-] christian@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 day ago

I'm in the divorce process and in many ways I'm terrified of reaching the point where I am past the grief and feeling a need to fill that void.

We met over ten years ago because I posted a personals ad on a local r4r titled "Creepy guy seeks woman way out of his league". Everything seems 5000x more gamified now.

I'm somewhat awkward, so I'm a lot more comfortable putting off phone or video for a few days. With that said, I really want to avoid the shame and frustration that comes with taking a full hour to realize I've been treating a chatbot like a real human being.

[-] Doxatek@mander.xyz 15 points 1 day ago

You can confirm none of them work? They can work. Sometimes you have to give it time. I met my wife on tinder. The thing is it takes a while. I didn't meet the love of my life on there after a single day or week. I was on the app for a couple years. It's hit or miss and takes learning.

[-] half_fiction@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 day ago

Yup, I had the same thought. I met my partner of 5 years on okcupid, but it also took me years of messages/dates/flings before we found each other. Dating and finding a good match is complicated and so much of it is purely a numbers game. Online dating apps are just a vehicle to expose you to more/different people. They aren't some binary that either does or does not work.

[-] GhiLA@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Beats the fuck out of me. This form of social media always has that trait of disposable conversations, but then again, when you've been alone as long as I have you tend to be crazy enough to convince yourself that your mania is just a new normal and you didn't need anyone to start with.

[-] jordanlund@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

My wife and I met on Craigslist of all things. I read something she wrote, popped her a note, she wrote back, one thing led to another and here we are married for 14 years now...

[-] RandomStickman@fedia.io 10 points 1 day ago

MMOs maybe. I've met some cool people this way

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 day ago

Engage in spaces and areas where there will be other people with similar interests. That may be a fan club for a hobby you love, a game with multiplayer elements, etc.

[-] geneva_convenience@lemmy.ml 1 points 23 hours ago

Most spaces a skewed heavily towards one gender.

[-] coriza@lemmy.world 2 points 14 hours ago

They also said friends, and friends have other friends and so on.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Temperche@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 1 day ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] francisfordpoopola@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

Shared experiences help with longer term relationships. I regret I'm not focusing on the finding part but more of identifying how to hold onto it. I think the shared experiences matter more than how you find the people.

I've done this specifically by playing a video game, joining a clan, and joining the discord. I focused on who I clicked with most and spent time with them. I also think making some effort to meet IRL helps after a while. Having a game or a hobby in common isn't really enough because it can be very thin. If you don't care about any IRL things then force other shared experiences that are tangential to what brought you together. That helps me too.

[-] TheEntity@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

Lots of my long-term friendships started with open-source projects. If that's your kind of thing, it's worth looking into. Either way it usually all boils down to a common hobby.

[-] riskable@programming.dev 7 points 1 day ago

Those who code together hold together.

load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 21 Dec 2024
96 points (92.9% liked)

Ask Lemmy

27240 readers
2025 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS