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“Dying boy, 15, gets wish: losing virginity Chicago Sun Times ^ | 12/23/01 | BY BENJAMIN ERRETT Posted on 12/23/2001, 6:26:24 AM by Mopp4

A terminally ill boy had his dying wish granted in Australia this month, but ethicists are still at odds over whether it was the right thing to do. The wish was not for a trip to Disneyland or to meet a famous sports star. Instead, the 15-year-old wanted to lose his virginity before he died of cancer. The boy, who remains anonymous but was called Jack by the Australian media, did not want his parents to know about his request. Because of his many years spent in the hospital, he had no girlfriend or female friends. Jack died last week, but not before having his last wish granted. Without the knowledge of his parents or hospital staff, friends arranged an encounter with a prostitute outside of hospital premises. All precautions were taken, and the organizers made sure the act was fully consensual. The issue has sparked fierce debate over the legal and ethical implications of granting the boy's request. By law, Jack was still a child, and the woman involved could in theory face charges for having sex with a minor. The debate was sparked by the hospital's child psychologist, who wrote a letter to "Life Matters," a radio show in which academics debate ethical and moral dilemmas. The scenario was presented in the abstract, with no details about the boy's identity.

"He had been sick for quite a long period, and his schooling was very disrupted, so he hadn't had many opportunities to acquire and retain friends, and his access to young women was pretty poor," the psychologist said recently in an interview with Australia's Daily Telegraph newspaper. "But he was very interested in young women and was experiencing that surge of testosterone that teenage boys have." Hospital staff initially wanted to pool donations to pay for a prostitute, but the ethical and legal implications prevented them from doing so. The psychologist presented members of the clergy with the dilemma and found no clear answer. "It really polarized them," he said. "About half said, 'What's your problem?' And the other half said [it] demeans women and reduces the sexual act to being just a physical one."

Dr. Stephen Leeder, dean of medicine at the University of Sydney and a "Life Matters" panelist, said the issue was a difficult one. "I pointed out that public hospitals operated under the expectation that they would abide by state law," he said. "While various things doubtless are done that are at the edge of that, it's important the public has confidence that the law will be followed." Jack's psychologist, who works with children in palliative care, said the desire was driven in part by a need for basic human contact. "In a child dying over a long period of time, there is often a condition we call 'skin hunger,'" he said. The terminally ill child yearns for non-clinical contact because "mostly when people touch them, it's to do something unpleasant, something that might hurt." Leeder called the diagnosis "improbable." Judy Lumby, the show's other panelist and the executive director of the New South Wales College of Nursing, argued that the details as presented made it abundantly clear the boy's wish ought to be granted. "I said that I would try my darndest as a nurse to do whatever I could to make sure his wish came true," she said. "I just think we are so archaic in the way we treat people in institutions. Certainly, if any of my three daughters were dying, I'd do whatever I could, and I'm sure that you would, too." National Post”

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[-] Jamablaya@lemmy.world 16 points 23 hours ago

This should have never been in the news, publicized or judged.

[-] Ethoteric@lemm.ee 14 points 1 day ago

Until you think of humans as merely the biological ape creatures we are, free from Western social mores and norms and free from laws that do not check for situational nuances, then you cannot fully understand how this is not an ethical dilemma.

[-] TeraByteMarx@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 1 day ago

When I worked in a brothel an alarming amount of father's, uncles, brothers etc. would bring in underage boys, or more frequently young men who has just turned 18. Like they thought it would set them up better in life, like finishing college of something. Gender roles are horrible for everyone involved. Support kid getting dying wish but seriously question if maybe things could be better because there's much more to life than sex

[-] unmagical@lemmy.ml 19 points 1 day ago

I grew up in an evangelical Christian household. I was taught constantly that sex was an amazing experience and basically the best fun someone could have without drugs, but you definitely weren't allowed to do it. This message was repeated for 20 some years.

When I hit puberty this meant I got the illustrious combo of constantly thinking about sex and constantly feeling guilty about thinking about sex.

When I finally did have sex it was fun, but like, no where near as exciting as it had been hyped up to be. It was kind of a let down, but at least I had that knowledge now.

I can absolutely understand why young men fall into the incel trap or harbour objectifying opinions of others. And if your father fell into that trap, well, you're gonna have troubled teenage years that will be even more difficult to find normalcy from.

[-] Jamablaya@lemmy.world 5 points 23 hours ago

Think of it like the old chicken pox strategy, just get it over with so a person can move on.

[-] Fades@lemmy.world 49 points 1 day ago

Who gives a FUCK what the clergy think???? Ask the scientists and be done with it, otherwise you may as well just open a damn suggestion box and let any old moron have their say.

The only experience clergy have here is the “sex with underage children” part.

[-] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago

I think ethicists should be consulted, not just scientists.

[-] Maggoty@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

A lot of people think the clergy are good at figuring out ethical stuff. To be fair they get a lot of education on ethics in relation to their religion. So a clergy person who operates in good faith (haha but I couldn't think of a better way to state it) could actually be a good resource. One operating in bad faith though can do a lot of damage.

[-] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Oh yeah, the clergy is so well known for their ethics... If you ignore the rampant sexual abuse, and their disgustingly callous attempts at covering up by shuffling literal pedophiles to other parishes where they can continue to sexually abuse children.

But sure, if you ignore all that institutionalized, systemic sexual abuse of minors, then yeah they're great with ethics!

[-] Maggoty@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Did I say they were all bastions of ethics?

[-] exploitedamerican@lemm.ee 8 points 1 day ago

Where the fuck were those conversations on ethics during the spanish inquisition, or the opening of the flood gates that was the catholic church pedophilia sexual abuse scandal that seems to never end? Or had they not figured out ethics at that point?

[-] Maggoty@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

Unfortunately ethics education does not equal ethical actions. Ethics have also seriously evolved since the Inquisition.

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[-] 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 day ago

timallengrunt.wav

[-] zarathustra0@lemmy.world 53 points 2 days ago

Surprisingly wholesome for 196.

Sometimes the rules need to be ignored to treat people with a little dignity.

[-] socsa@piefed.social 4 points 1 day ago

Until you realize that on 4chan there's a decent chance that this is some low key "age of consent is too high" shit.

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[-] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 67 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Cool cool cool so that is kinda fucking heartbreaking :(

[-] Dasus@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

ah, this explains some of my own experiences. thanks for the info

[-] bane_killgrind@slrpnk.net 10 points 1 day ago

Calling his emotional state "skin hunger" was definitely sabotaging his chances.

[-] cRazi_man@lemm.ee 125 points 2 days ago

The boy may not have had a girlfriend, but he clearly had friends who were good enough to do this for him. Heartwarming really.

[-] someguy3@lemmy.world 115 points 2 days ago

His friends arranged it. There is no moral issue for the hospital or staff.

[-] sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone 62 points 2 days ago

The moral issue would be with the prostitute for sleeping with a minor I thought

[-] kreskin@lemmy.world 44 points 2 days ago

Its not like it could mess up the kids life. There never was any harm to be done in this particular case.

[-] Cataphract@lemmy.ml 13 points 1 day ago

the ONLY thing that I find gives me a side step was the statement:

"it demeans women and reduces the sexual act to just being a physical act"

I think it has some merit. Though I didn't actually pick up on the gender of the prostitute (I guess we're all assuming). It still breaks the importance of the emotional connection to a sexual partner as you're learning about early adulthood. I don't think real harm came to the boy in this instance particularly, but I couldn't imagine being that sex worker. I would do it, but shit, that's gotta follow you a little bit your entire life and something you would always think about. Probably would be my last "John" to be honest.

The other harm comes from people reading the article, especially young boys. It encourages the mindset that the sex act is the important thing one must conquer, not opening up and being vulnerable to a partner to share that experience with. It's super fucking tough though, like finding him just a date would be better but all the implications of what that would entail for the people involved is just heartbreaking.

[-] Cethin@lemmy.zip 9 points 1 day ago

Sex isn't always just a physical act, but it certainly can be. I've for sure had meaningless sex just for the fun of it. It isn't some sacred act. If for you it always has an emotional component, that's cool. It doesn't for everyone though. To say it's demeaning is implying that particular view is the only acceptable one, and it isn't. That quote came from a clergyman IIRC though, and he's welcome to his opinion, but it shouldn't be used to imply his view is the "correct" one.

[-] Cataphract@lemmy.ml 2 points 7 hours ago

Definitely agree and not trying to promote clergy mentality lol. I wasn't saying it was correct or demeaning, just gave me a side step because we're talking about a young boy and losing his virginity. I think sex work should be legalized across the board, but I doubt you would find many people that would encourage it to be available for a 15 year old or that it should be everyone's first sexual experience. There's a lot of mental and developmental problems that can come from sex being viewed as a transaction if the proper level of maturity isn't there.

Would be nice if we had actual data to look at or the opinions of the people in that field, if it was legalized we could actually have a discussion instead of pearl clutching or just anecdotal thoughts.

[-] Cethin@lemmy.zip 2 points 4 hours ago

I agree with you, except that this kid was dying. It doesn't really matter if they weren't fully mentally developed, and it also doesn't matter if they end up viewing sex in a way we think is bad. It can't hurt anything. They aren't going to grow up and have issues from the experience.

For a healthy 15 year old, yeah it isn't ideal. For a terminally I'll one, the only one who could be harmed long-term is the prostitute.

[-] kreskin@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

It encourages the mindset that the sex act is the important thing one must conquer, not opening up and being vulnerable to a partner to share that experience with.

So, um, dont take this the wrong way but that sounds like a female viewpoint, am I correct?

If I'm right, what you cant know viscerally is that 15 year old males are unlikely to appreciate that level of nuance and I dont think its a viable target to expect that from them. The hormones rage extremely hard at 15-- its not a matter of willingness, but one of irretrievably stolen focus. A 15 year old male's response to stimulus is extraordinary and singular. What you look for comes after age 28 or so. Maybe I'm not average in this regard but I think its fairly universal for my peers as well.

[-] Cataphract@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 day ago

Am male, stupidly so and grew up in the south where an active sex life as a youthful-lad was encouraged and I definitely filled that role. I concur that what you've said is the most common perception in our circles and definitely in western media as a whole. After getting older and actually talking to people about their childhoods and those from other areas of the world, I don't believe it to be a "destined/hormone raging" outcome that's necessary, but often taught/learned from peers.

If it was, we wouldn't be encouraging male individuals to find an outlet for their anger besides violence. You're also completely scapegoating like females don't have urges or hormones of which they have to battle with. There's whole societies out there that don't have the problems we run into because of our views on sexuality (but come with their own side effects like loneliness or low birth rates). It's also individualistic, everyone has different things they're dealing with on puberty and chemical changes. The fact that all males get the "it's hormones" excuse should be a red flag automatically that triggers further evaluation.

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[-] ricecake@sh.itjust.works 127 points 2 days ago

Sounds like it worked out in the end, given the circumstances.
Agree with the university dean who said that hospitals have a particular obligation to live up to expectations that they'll follow the law where ethically permissable.
Hospitals have no duty to keep a patient from seeing a prostitute, only to minimize harm from the potentially illegal or dangerous activity.
Sounds like everyone did the right thing.

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