The Onion

In a surprise move, the Australian Government has countered Donald Trump’s latest tariffs by imposing a levy on any use of the phrases ‘DEI’, ‘DOGE’, or ‘the First Amendment’ in relation to Australian society.

In an angry speech today, Prime Minster Anthony Albanese said enough was enough. “Honestly, most people have just had it with dipshits complaining about DEI classes which don’t actually exist. We’re going to put a tariff on that.

“Steep tariffs have also been imposed on Facebook posts quoting the U.S. Constitution by saying ‘We the people’. You live in Ballarat dickhead”.

Tariffs will also be imposed on:

– The use of the phrase “Australia needs DOGE” matched with a lack of understanding that Australia has had an auditing authority since 1902.

– Whatever American nonsense Senator Ralph Babet is tweeting as he currently slams his large thumb shaped head into an iPad keyboard.

– Clive Palmer’s new political party, Horny for Patriotism (or whatever it’s called, we’re not looking it up).

Once the tariffs take effect Clive is expected to be broke within a month.

In the meantime, the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade issued a statement suggesting Australians try domestically manufactured culture wars such as, obsessing over Australia Day being on January 26, or claiming that landlords are an oppressed class because they are not allowed to take another year to fix an oven.