this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 2 points 7 hours ago

I'd like to upgrade my penis into super penis, two barrels, break action instead of the pump action, then I'll create a new sex act called "Quakeing", where you strafe around your sexual partner while constantly ejaculating on them with your super penis.

[–] JayJay@lemmy.world 6 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

I would upgrade my brain to be able to consciously control all the little automatic stuff. Tell my brain to up the metabolic rate when I want to burn more fat, increase heart rate when exercising, basically to be able to consciously control all functions of my body at will.

[–] DoubleSpace@lemm.ee 2 points 11 hours ago

I can't be trusted with direct control of the of my pleasure center of my brain.

[–] Quique@lemmy.world 2 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Since when is a dick an organ?

[–] Shape4985@lemmy.ml 4 points 10 hours ago

Reproductive organ

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

I want my tits to be able to shoot lasers at will, it'd be cool.

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 1 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

You mean something like this?

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 1 points 11 hours ago
[–] callyral@pawb.social 5 points 21 hours ago

Upgrade my eyes so I can sense different wavelengths of light at will. I would also make them very resistant to blindness.

[–] BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works 20 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Infinite wishes situation : upgrade your brain such that you are sufficiently smart to bio-engineer all the other organs.

[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago

Or! OR! Downgrade your brain so you're just dumb enough to feel constant happiness.

[–] moseschrute@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Does happiness increase or decrease with intelligence? What if your brain upgrade becomes an emotional downgrade?

[–] Huschke@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

You could always downgrade your brain again after you're done.

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Does happiness increase or decrease with intelligence?

Is there even a correlation?

[–] moseschrute@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Looked it up. Seems there happiness does not decrease with intelligence. I would have assumed the more intelligence you have the more capacity to understand and worry about problems you would have.

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 3 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago)

Yea, but happiness is a weird thing. After live changing events, both positive and negative happiness is impacted for a while, but after a couple of months most people gravitate back to their default happiness level.

[–] umbraroze@lemmy.world 3 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

He he he

[Cyberpunk 2077 music]

/meme

[–] RangerJosey@lemmy.ml 2 points 21 hours ago

I was born flatfooted. I'd make my feet and legs normal.

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (3 children)

As an audiophile, probably my ears. I wanna be able to hear over 19khz.

[–] BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 day ago

Ok but it needs to be an 'activable' skill, if it's always on it could be a nightmare with all kinds of background noises continuously ringing in your ear.

[–] Uebercomplicated@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 day ago

Yep, super hearing for me too please. Imagine actually being able to appreciate 192khz recordings... damn. Actually, I don't even think my HD600s go that high

[–] bampop@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I can hear slightly higher frequencies than most, or at least I used to be able to. Back when TVs used cathode ray tubes I'd have problems with the small portable TVs because they would emit an annoying high pitched tone. Even high pitched tones unintentionally mixed into records. The world is designed for people with typical senses.

[–] hex@programming.dev 1 points 12 hours ago

My buddy has a CRT. It makes a very high pitched noise, close to 18900hz. But it's not above what most people can hear, most humans can hear up to 20,000hz. Over time this decreases of course. But every time I go to this guy's house I can hear the CRT going, so loud, so annoying.

[–] guy@piefed.social 12 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Brain is a no-brainer. It's okay as it is, but having an optimal one sounds terrific

[–] Zentron@lemm.ee 3 points 1 day ago

Id like to switch my autism on and off

[–] wabafee@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Would it still be you after the upgrade?

[–] hedge_lord@lemmy.world 2 points 11 hours ago

Gee I sure hope not

[–] callyral@pawb.social 2 points 21 hours ago

if i were smarter, i'd be able to answer that

[–] guy@piefed.social 3 points 1 day ago

Without the upgrade I don't know. My knowledge of what constitutes my personality visavi my intelligence and such is too lacking, but I guess I would change

Transgender Men have joined the chat

[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 35 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Definitely my spine. There's a reason basically anyone who has worked in the trades for a while has a fucked up back. It would be nice to avoid my impending back problems.

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[–] gimsy@feddit.it 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

One of:

  • eyes to see a wider spectrum of light (infrared to gamma-ray)
  • ears to increase sensitivity or reduce it close to 0 a will
  • nose to smell all dangerous stuff that is odourless (carbon monoxide f.e.)
  • muscles not to lose training after a few days (I am not sure that wouldn't fuck up methabolism)
  • have an organ to catch radiowaves (while being capable to switch it off)
  • brown fat cells to never feel cold (with added super bonus that they also kill cancer by starving it)
  • liver to remove toxins without being easily damaged

The choice is difficult :)

[–] flying_sheep@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Brown fat cells would also make you burn more calories doing nothing

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

If you're in a first world country and making a decent salary that just becomes a lower chance of obesity and diabetes

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Can we pick the nature of the upgrade? I want to pee champagne

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 31 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Fillicia@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

And you can only pee in the champagne region of France.

[–] memberberries@sopuli.xyz 19 points 1 day ago

Otherwise it’s only called sparkling piss.

[–] untakenusername@sh.itjust.works 33 points 2 days ago (1 children)

better brain

with that I can make more money and with that I can just buy new organs

[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 1 day ago (10 children)

Congrats. You now feel anxiety twice as intensely.

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[–] felixwhynot@lemmy.world 111 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Banger post. Deaf community goes hard

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[–] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago

I'd upgrade my balls so that they aren't vulnerable when being attacked. That way I can steal Bobby Hill's purse and get away with it.

[–] Evotech@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Probably brain, responsetime

Who am I kidding, it’s gonna be vibrating dick

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