this post was submitted on 27 Jun 2025
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Ass crack bandit!
Troy Barnes: So please, approve the Dean's new security measure called "Troy's law.", because a camera in the bathroom...
[He chokes up]
Troy Barnes: is better than a quarter in your butt.
Dean Pelton: As we've seen, the Ass Crack Bandit can be defeated by using the three "B"s: Belts, briefs, and buddies. Good. The bandit always gets his victims when they're alone. Bend over with friends over.
I remember solving something similar using an opaque bottle with "GI supplements, don't drink" written in sharpie. Especially since the first time it was actually true and they didn't believe the warning.
Maybe they would have to do that if you'd stop stealing the milk, Brenda
It's crazy how many people have never been weaned
Very weird comment, probably super weird person behind it
New interview question: "please show me the inside of the common refrigerator."
Just bring a empty jug and stab the bottom and enjoy your free milk buffet.
Imagine working in an office where you need to do that? Who says to themselves, "gee, i didn't bring that thing so it must be OK for me to have some"? These kinds of tactics don't come from nowhere
At one of my previous jobs it was the head of HR stealing people's food. Every time somebody complained he'd put up a sign and start "investigating", but nothing ever came of it despite having cameras pointed at the fridge. Eventually someone got tired of it, put up their own camera, and caught the head of HR on camera a couple times. Apparently the president of the company didn't care and brushed it off. I only found out because the guy with evidence blanket emailed the videos to the whole company. Of course he got written up for doing that.
So I have to cook for my clients every day. Leftovers from most meals are kept in our staff fridge because the guys will absolutely gorge themselves on them if left alone.
Every fucking morning, our old nurse would come in and head straight for the fridge to make a plate of those leftovers. Never once brought in her own breakfast or lunch. If the behaviorist didn't cook something for her for lunch when she was serving the guys, she'd go right back in the fridge.
Say there was enough for a whole other meal and we planned to use it again, put a big label like "FOR FRIDAY'S DINNER." It didn't matter... You'd go in and there'd be a huge chunk missing. One day, she actually ate a half of a half-serving tray worth of meat. I went in the next day and flipped. "Oh, I didn't know it was for today." "IT HAS A LABEL ON IT THAT SAYS IT'S FOR DINNER! I HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE THEM NOW! YOU ATE HALF THE MEAT MEANT FOR 8 PEOPLE!" "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know..."
It didn't stop her, either... The worse part is that she was skinny as a twig.
You know what, I wouldn't even bother if it happened once. I wouldn't like to be in the same situation, and while I would ask first, I understand we're not the same. The moment it happens the second time, though... Pure laxative with white food colouring.
I literally had this argument with the coworker who would eat other people’s food:
“ did you eat my fucking sandwich??”
“Oh. It was yours?”
“Why the fuck would you do that??”
“Well i didn’t know it was yours”
“But you knew for certain it wasn’t YOURS, since you didn’t make and bring it!”
“People should label stuff if they don’t want it to get eaten”
Most frustrating person i ever met. Laziest fuck ever too. This guy couldn’t walk without dragging his feet
When I was in the Navy, a dude kept eating my fucking chips and salsa. It was a small work center, we all knew whose shit was whose in our tiny fridge. So one day I put really fucking hot hot sauce in my salsa and left it in the fridge. Motherfucker has the gall to get pissed at me like I'm the asshole. He didn't eat my salsa again after that.
I had a roommate burn a bunch of shit from our garage because he didn't know who owned it.
He's like, "I asked the other roommate and he said it wasn't his so I figured it was just here with the apartment."
"Motherfucker there are 3 people that live here. If it's not yours, and it's not the other guy's, it's probably fucking mine and you should ask before you just light shit on fire."
Normally I'd think it was because he just didn't like me, but after knowing the guy, he was just an actual idiot.
I don't like violence.
But some people need to get punched in the mouth
This guy couldn’t walk without dragging his feet
That fucking drives me up the wall. How did your parents fail so badly that they couldn't teach you to pick up your feet?
Duh, a sandwich is the kind of thing one would never expect being left around with the purpose of being someone's personal lunch. You're obviously in the wrong here complaining. Asshole.
I know, right? I often go shopping and buy ingredients and (sometimes) cook those ingredients, then slice them, assemble a sandwich, pack it, bring it to work, put it in the staff fridge and... then... do you know what... I just end up hoping someone will eat it so I don't have to. Why else would I just leave it sitting around in a lunchbox with my name on?
I don't get how the people here are offended by this. Entitlement? It's so fun to bring something in to just to find out it's gone before you even opened it. Even with a god damn name label. If I bought a carton of milk, I wouldn't mind sharing some, but not the entire thing for one person to make porridge from. At that point you cunts can just buy your own shit.
I'm offended because this is indicative of a much larger problem(distrust amongst coworkers) and I don't think people should be so satisfied with this band-aid solution.
This feels like a microcosm of society as a whole right now. 3 individuals taking individual action that won't solve the root problem.
And I can easily imagine the boss(or anyone with actual authority) having their own personal fridge and just ignoring the situation entirely no matter how often it's brought up.
You can feel fully justified in doing something and still hate having to do it.
Yeah, can you believe how some people are so entitled they *check notes* expect to be able to use the food they bought
A more pertinent concern is having to work with the person whose behavior precipitated this reaction.
One person locking their milk makes them a weirdo. Three means someone else is.
I think that's the point if you read between the lines. I don't think this shit post is arguing that those who lock their milk aren't the victims here.
But on second reading idk
Plot twist: one guy brought in 3 locked milks.
Or one guy keeps bringing in milk, and another guy keeps locking that guy’s milk.
Jim?
Whenever his milk starts going off at home, he locks it up and brings it to the office to see how long people will respect the locks before throwing away rotten milk.
The really offensive part is having >2 liters of milk, per person, in a work fridge. What the fuck do you need so much for? I bet that fridge smells like a mix of spoiled milk and utter distrust for other human beings.
udder distrust. it was right there
Just because it’s there, doesn’t mean you have to milk the pun for all it’s worth.
don't be so sour... milk is for everyone
this thread is really curdling
If only there was a whey to revive it.
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It is British milk. Even as a Brit myself it astonishes me how much tea some people drink in a day. That shit must literally ooze from the pores of some people.
I used to drink ten to eleven cups of tea in the UK per day. I quit caffeine for a while because of the headaches. I somehow never put it together that this drug I keep putting into my system would affect my brain ...
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This picture makes my tummy hurt just looking at it. I have a bit of lactose intolerance, but even with lactose free milk.....I couldn't imagine just pounding down a tall glass of milk.
Try A2 milk. It's from cows that produce milk without a specific protein that tends to bother lactose intolerant people.
Lactose free still bothers me to some degree, but A2 doesn't as much. The biggest issue it has is the sky high price.
Eh, I'm not a big enough fan of milk to really go out of my way to drink it. Mainly just lactose free milk for cooking/baking.
Now I want a tall glass of milk and there is none to have:(
“This is the lockpicking lawyer and what I have for you today is”
How about fixing the problem by having the management provide free milk? It's about a pound a day for them and everyone is happier.
Trent the milk guzzler arrives at 6 and drinks it all.
Fuck you Trent!
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