this post was submitted on 06 Aug 2025
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A prominent member of the Department of Government Efficiency was beaten in an attempted carjacking in Washington this week, prompting President Trump to renew his threat of a federal takeover of the city.

The victim was Edward Coristine, a 19-year-old software engineer known by his online sobriquet, Big Balls, according to the police, who said he was surrounded and attacked by 10 young assailants outside his car.

In a social media post on Tuesday afternoon, Mr. Trump shared a photograph that appeared to show Mr. Coristine lying in the street bleeding, battered and shirtless, writing that crime in the nation’s capital was “totally out of control,” though the city’s crime rates have been falling.

“If D.C. doesn’t get its act together, and quickly, we will have no choice but to take Federal control of the City,” he said.

Police officers arrested two 15-year-old suspects, a boy and a girl, both from Maryland, at the scene, according to authorities. Officials said the episode happened in the early morning hours on Sunday in an upscale neighborhood less than two miles from the White House. The two teenagers were charged with unarmed carjacking. The police said they were seeking additional suspects.

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[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 181 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I love the idea that a bunch of high school freshman beat the shit out of this loser. Really gives me hope for the next generation.

[–] AcidiclyBasicGlitch@sh.itjust.works 79 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Teenagers kicking the ass of an adult that betrayed the U.S. and famously goes by "Big Balls?"

That's a federal takeover.

[–] womjunru@lemmy.cafe 17 points 1 month ago

Big balls is nineTEEN

[–] Zaktor@sopuli.xyz 56 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What are the odds that the "10" number is just Big Balls trying to make the assault sound less pathetic.

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 35 points 1 month ago

We all know that a DOGE employee would never inflate numbers…

[–] Carmakazi@lemmy.world 34 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Allegedly it was a bunch of punks who were looking for someone to carjack and it wasn't politically motivated.

[–] Nougat@fedia.io 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

In your alleged opinion.

[–] halcyoncmdr@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Or they found a bunch of kids they could easily pay to stage a carjacking to achieve a goal they wanted.

It's not like paying someone to commit a crime you want done is a new concept, or even complicated. Just got to find someone desperate for cash and willing to take the fall and keep quiet. Given the economy right now, that's gonna be quite a few people.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

How long before we find out he was just harrassing kids and got wedgied?

[–] KingGordon@lemmy.world 28 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Big balls is a punk-ass bitch. Got beaten up by some 15 year olds. Lmfao

[–] onslaught545@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Not defending him, but some 15 year olds are absolutely massive. Even if they aren't, I'd like to see you fight off 2+

[–] KingGordon@lemmy.world 32 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I dont walk around calling myself big balls, either.

[–] 100_kg_90_de_belin@feddit.it 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You haven't dismantled American welfare either

[–] KingGordon@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

Oh yeah. Its true that I havent dismantled basic fundamental democratic rights recently. I forgot about that.

[–] LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 month ago

I imagine it went down something like this: https://youtu.be/WVxz2j4_skI

CW: homophobic slurs

[–] andyburke@fedia.io 105 points 1 month ago

Where are the Epstein files? He wants so badly to distract from that and yet today we are seeing proof Epstein was an FBI informant.

Release his fucking FBI handler's files as well. Let's fucking go. Dude is wallowing in his swamp.

[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 61 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hey republicans, you can fire him at any time. Why aren't you? You guys are cool will allllllll of this.

[–] Davel23@fedia.io 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I mean, yeah. It's exactly what they want.

[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 23 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I disagree. Whenever trump fucks up, you can see at least 25% of republicans dipping their toe in the water to see if they can distance themselves from him. They're just cowards.

[–] shplane@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Same way the nazis said “oops didn’t mean to” when they lost WW2. These idiots will support any right wing fascist, just slap a new coat of paint on the next one and it’s like the last one never happened

[–] halcyoncmdr@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm convinced at this point that Republicans are being initiated into the club like gang members. But instead of having to kill someone, commit a felony, etc., they are required to provide adequate blackmail material that can be used against them if they try to go against the party.

The party is already self selecting for the morally bankrupt at this point, they have for sure all done some fucked up thing in their past they don't want to come out.

[–] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I was convinced of this years ago. This was as true now as ever, with the rate of compromised, a-moral behavior being well above chance, it defies any consideration of mere coincidence. The idea of a political party not conducting background checks on candidates it endorses would be lunacy, so we're left to conclude that they're either a very forgiving bunch, or prefer dirtbags they can control.

Where things get interesting is that it may not work forever. Epstein thought that manufacturing dirt on the rich and powerful was enough to keep his operation going, and save his neck, all at the same time. That didn't exactly pan out for him. This makes me wonder if such a scheme really is tenable when playing at that power level.

[–] AcidiclyBasicGlitch@sh.itjust.works 49 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

A federal takeover? D.C. isn't even a state, I thought it was something like a federal district. How TF does that even work?

Trump to officially admit he is trying to takeover the U.S. and begin claiming territories for his monarch?

That's what I thought... A federal takeover of a federal district? Do you mean a confederate takeover of a federal district? Bc thats really what it sounds like...?

[–] dhork@lemmy.world 33 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

So DC, being a federal territory, historically was governed by leaders picked directly by the President. In 1973, Congress passed a law providing for a popularly elected Mayor and a board of District Councilmembers.

Now, I think all of those DC elected officials are Democrats or independents who lean left. So it would not surprise me to see Trump push to abolish that 1973 law, and go back to the practice of appointing the mayor directly.

Interestingly, since DC is not part of any state (and in fact has a larger population as of the last census than Vermont and Wyoming), the DC mayor is almost like a governor, because there is no government above it to make certain laws like States do. So it is a pretty powerful position for Trump to be able to sell to the highest bidder. Think of all the money it will make him if Congress revokes that 1973 law!

[–] kiterios@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So DC, being a federal territory, historically was governed by leaders picked directly by the President. In 1973, Congress passed a law providing for a popularly elected Mayor and a board of District Councilmembers.

DC governance is in those parts that "went missing" from Congress' version of the Constitution.

To exercise exclusive Legislation in all Cases whatsoever, over such District (not exceeding ten Miles square) as may, by Cession of particular States, and the Acceptance of Congress, become the Seat of Government of the United States

[–] dhork@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

Yes, but we shouldn't panic until they delete the tenth amendment. Because that amendment specifically allocates all powers not explicitly enumerated in the Constitution to the States (or the People).

So if this regime "deletes" this clause, they are really deleting their own ability to exercise legislative authority over DC. Without this clause, there is no way for DC to be governed other than by a democratically elected leader.

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 46 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Big Balls got his ass beat that’s awesome

[–] CarrmynCarnage@lemmy.blahaj.zone 34 points 1 month ago

And by 15 year olds. Lmfao

[–] PhilipTheBucket@quokk.au 37 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

who said he was surrounded and attacked by 10 young assailants outside his car

X

I fully expect that at some point soon someone will release video showing Señor Balls creating or escalating a confrontation with two or three fifteen-year-olds, and then them beating the shit out of him in turn while he cowers.

Edit: I checked the photo. The fact that his shirt was off, but apparently undamaged, is I feel like another little clue supporting my random speculation here.

[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

Taking off the shirt... the international symbol for "I'm about to get my ass beat".

[–] dogslayeggs@lemmy.world 35 points 1 month ago

What would a federal takeover of DC even mean? It's already a federal district.

My guess is he means he will subvert all democracy in the city and appoint a new mayor and other politicians.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 27 points 1 month ago

This seems like a victimless crime.

[–] bitjunkie@lemmy.world 25 points 1 month ago

Quick question: has he tried not being a fascist piece of shit?

[–] mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I really hope they knew who he was

[–] CarrmynCarnage@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 1 month ago

I really hope they didn't and he just mouthed off to the wrong kids. Sounds like something someone named "Big Balls" would do.

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago

Beatings will continue until democracy improves.

[–] Peruvian_Skies@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 month ago

We can't have teenagers resorting to violence! Otherwise how is Donald Trump going to get away with raping so many of them?

[–] fox2263@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago

“So how many of them were there?”

“Um like there was a girl..shit I mean like…..8 guys….?…no 9…and that girl so like… 10…yeah 10”

“You were attacked by 10 people?”

“👀”

[–] Sarmyth@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago

If 10 people kick your ass and dont take your car, its not an attempted carjacking. Simple battery.

[–] CouncilOfFriends@slrpnk.net 16 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Teenagers beat up a teenager, who was hired as a scapegoat by the felonious child in an old man's body. Time to call in the national guard and impose martial law.

[–] Auntievenim@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago

God damn it nyt post the picture of the kid beaten and bloody. I need to print it and run haphazardly across town frantically showing it to every passerby while jumping and clicking my heels saying "we can do it again"

[–] Cocopanda@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Trump reacts like a teenager. No wonder he was so threatened by the 15 year olds.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 1 points 1 month ago

Gossip queen too

[–] Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

Fucked around and found out.

[–] Tempus_Fugit@midwest.social 8 points 1 month ago

I hope he does take it over and much more. There will only be piss poor resistance until he does something drastic. We need a stick of dynamite not a match to light the flame.

[–] frog_brawler@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Yea that’s just an excuse to give DC to Peter Thiel.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Big Balls Beaten By BFifteen BYear BOlds, BCitizenry BUnconcerned