this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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all 37 comments
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[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

Quickly, eat a massive bowl of soup and your body will just think you had a huge portion of chowder so you don't need to feel ashamed.

[–] NeedyPlatter@lemmy.ca 29 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (4 children)

The real dangers of marijuana /j

[–] littlebigendian@lemmy.zip 17 points 2 days ago (1 children)

1/1 chance of eating block of cream checheese 1/10000 chance of crippling psychosis

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 12 points 2 days ago

Hehe checheese.

This is real. Id be so much less fat if i didn't.

[–] defaultusername@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] HappyFrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 day ago

I feel like the greatest risk of weed is the inability to check for it in a breathalyzer, and that the world run on cars. Drugs, like alcohol and weed, makes you a worse driver, but there is no way to check if a person is under the influence.

[–] toomanypancakes@piefed.world 20 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Try to compensate with several bagels

[–] halcyoncmdr@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

More like 2 with the proper amount of cream cheese.

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] Jojowski@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 day ago

As will gas

[–] omgboom@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Bro dump some salsa over that and eat it with tortilla chips

[–] cm0002@piefed.world 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Aw fuck, that sounds so good, but alas, I have no salsa :(

[–] TheOakTree@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 days ago

No hot sauce in the house? Blasphemy!

[–] robdor@lemmynsfw.com 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] Matticus@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Protip: if you know Satan's Eyeball is coming, you can, uh, line the exit with a barrier ointment called Ilex. Just be careful not to glue it shut (petroleum jelly can help). If you are too late, there's this great soothing ointment called calmoseptine (it's desitin with a very mild topical analgesic in it) but it's pink and stainy so wear a pantyliner with it unless you really don't like that pair.

Source: former member of the nuclear taco club

[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Mine eased when I went off gluten and dairy. But that wouldn't defeat the purpose of this post, seeing as its OP having eaten a bunch of dairy.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

oh i thought we were talking lactose intolerance induced
but you know

[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Yes, lactose intolerance causes more diarrhoea, just like you've pictured there, whereas my gif represents Steatorrhea

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 days ago

You'll be fine in a day or so, but get ready for some extreme bubble gut

[–] FerretyFever0@fedia.io 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Embrace it. Ngl, I do this sober lmao. Not by itself though.

[–] cm0002@piefed.world 6 points 2 days ago

Not by itself though.

Well you see, I had started out toasting pieces of bread for it, but at some point I decided that was taking too long and just started eating it straight LMAO

[–] Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 day ago

I'm proud of you!

[–] StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] OozingPositron@feddit.cl 6 points 2 days ago (2 children)

>Checks ingredients

>No buffalo

True, the one fatal flaw

[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

It’s just the standard chicken pasta recipe for buffalos.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I may or may not have gotten way too into trees and bike repair and thought you were measuring your cheese with precision calipers

[–] YoSoySnekBoi@kbin.earth 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Gotta check for shrinkflation

i just weigh it after i eat it

No help is needed, shits delicious

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Okay, It's been another five minutes and now I'm even more hungry than I was five minutes ago so now is the time you have to rise and bring forth your squirrel to the... bagel shop. Where I can get the cream cheese the creamy creamy cheese, cheesy cheesy cream.

[–] fubarx@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Whatever you've heard about arterial maggots is NOT true.

[–] thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 3 points 2 days ago

I hope it was with chips and spicy salsa... as a lactose intolerante, that is what I always miss the most about cream cheese