this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2025
358 points (98.6% liked)

RPGMemes

13873 readers
1059 users here now

Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 65 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If I cut someone do they count as an open container?

[–] tdawg@lemmy.world 33 points 1 month ago (2 children)

If someone opens their mouth do they count as an open container?

[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 36 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Nope, people are tubes, not containers

[–] atomicbocks@sh.itjust.works 30 points 1 month ago (1 children)

90s Tube Squeezy Toy

Yeah, people are like these tubes specifically.

[–] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 20 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 month ago

Actually those things are not that fuckable, because they roll along your penis instead of sliding. There is very little sensation other than cold squeezing.

🤷🏼‍♂️

[–] tdawg@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago

That explains why water falls straight through

[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

A tub with a plugged drain is the bottom is a container. Anyone wearing a buttplug is therefore a container.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Their intestines might, but not their lungs. Lungs are more liek a sponge

[–] Gladaed@feddit.org 40 points 1 month ago (2 children)

"free" shit costs a spell slot, you know?

[–] Lembot_0004@discuss.online 32 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Free() can destroy the world. Believe me. I know. I am a C programmer.

[–] hddsx@lemmy.ca 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This is why I free nothing and only malloc().

#WhoNeedsMemoryManagement

#JustDownloadMoreRAM

[–] Lembot_0004@discuss.online 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You're sick with Java-Python Syndrome. The only cure is C++. But you're too old to master C++ before you segfault. Muahahahahaha!

[–] hddsx@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 month ago (3 children)

You know, my biggest gripe with python isnt abstracted memory management. My biggest grip is duck typing

[–] troyunrau@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 month ago

Duck typing is my favourite. Pry it from my cold dead (object that appears to be hands, and probably is, but maybe isn't).

[–] exu@feditown.com 4 points 1 month ago

At least it's strongly typed as well unlike JavaScript.

[–] Lembot_0004@discuss.online 2 points 1 month ago

duck typing

Script languages are very nice for writing pre-100-lines long listings. Where you can keep all types in your head. Consider Python uber-bash. Unsuitable for anything else, though.

[–] tdawg@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

Shut up and getting castin' wizard. These biscuits ain't gonna season themselves

[–] riwo@lemmy.blahaj.zone 24 points 1 month ago (1 children)

i can use create/destroy water on blood to get iron for my weapons?

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 30 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Bloodplasma is mostly water, but blood is only about 55% plasma. Unsurprisingly, your blood actually has a LOT of stuff in it, like red blood cells.

Unless you want to count water in cells, but that would do the stuff that the spell doesn't do.

[–] DeathsEmbrace@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)

If it destroys water you have ions destroyed with the solution so no salt. Because it's a part of the water. If you did destroy the water then you would get sodium and chloride plasma because it's ionized.

[–] Allero@lemmy.today 14 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Which is probably fine since, at this temperature, it will immediately convert to solid salt, albeit maybe with some impurities should some ions react with something else.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 month ago

The plasma is why the magic glows.

[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 month ago (2 children)

i will get to a level where i have as many slots of destroy water as possible, and i will spend the rest of my life casting destroy water on the ocean, until it is completely dry. is that something i'd be able to do, or is that not possible? (i play pathfinder, not d&d, so i don't know)

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 26 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

Assuming a level 20 druid, you'd have 32 slots 1 or above, 2 gallons per caster level so 40 gallons per cast, that's 1,280 gallons per day or however fast you can regain spells. A bit shy of half a million gallons in a year. A particularly long-lived elf could destroy 280 million gallons before keeling over.

Now it depends how big the world you're on is, but if it's earth-like, the smallest ocean on earth is... 4.9 quintillion gallons.

4,900,000,000,000,000,000

So while you wouldn't make a dent, a character with an irrational war against the ocean is hilarious and you should do it anyway.

[–] Doc_Crankenstein@slrpnk.net 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

So, the problem isn't how much water but how much time?

Become lich, be immortal, problem solved.

Now it's a race between you and the heat death of the universe or pissing off some God of the Sea for fucking up their backyard.

[–] sleeplessone@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 month ago

Umberlee definitely wouldn't be a fan.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago (3 children)

wait wait wait

could i just kinda put a stick on the mouth of a bag of holding and throw it in the ocean? (the stick is for keeping it open)

then i could throw a bunch of those in the ocean, and it'll at least help destroy it.

if this works like i think it does, i'll get something that lets me craft bags of holding, and i'll just spend the rest of every day (after casting destroy water) crafting bags of holding to throw into the ocean

also, don't worry about age. i am going to become a lich like someone suggested, so that i can just stay there, destroying the ocean very, very slowly, forever.

and please correct me if anything i said isn't possible!

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

For the amount of money you'd waste throwing bags into the ocean, you'd probably be better off hiring people to cast destroy water.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] princess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

cast Gate on the bottom of the ocean

20ft wide portal to whatever other plane you want to dump the ocean in

at the bottom of the mariana trench you'd get some 200,000,000 gallons per minute through that sucker

it'll still take more than 3 million years (per very naive, optimistic napkin math) to drain all the oceans but you can probably find other people to join your mad ocean destruction cult over that time and get things going in parallel

the real question is: where are you putting all this water

[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 month ago

oh i only hate the <whatever the common planet in D&D is>'s ocean, so i can just throw the water anywhere. i guess it'd be funny to throw it somewhere dry, though. so soke desert plane or whatever

[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Bags of holding are not infinitely sized, just big

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] enerhpozyks@eldritch.cafe 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Maybe the duid can team up with a lvl 20 wizard that will open a Gate with his 9 lvl spell slot from the bottom of the ocean.
Dunno how to do the math, but a 20 feet diameter sink in the ocean opened in the sky of another plan for one minute may be faster (in spell slot economy) than lvl 9 destroy water.

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

open a gate... Bottom of the ocean

How do you feel about goblins, by the way?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] sirblastalot@ttrpg.network 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

After awhile, Poseiden comes and kicks your ass until you stop. Live by the magic sword, die by the magic sword.

[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 month ago

oh don't worry i'm sure there are a bunch of gods that are against slowly destroy watering the entire ocean

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Creativity = Killing everyone by taking great liberties in interpreting spells

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Why can't I destroy all the water in a human's body? 🤔

How about Enlarge Spell with Create Water to kill them with the entire weight of an Olympic sized swimming pool falling onto them from 20 feet in the air?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] MyDarkestTimeline01@ani.social 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I cast destroy water on the fluid lining of his brain.

[–] MyTurtleSwimsUpsideDown@fedia.io 10 points 1 month ago

Turn beer into moonshine!

[–] lutehero@piefed.social 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Oh shit, that means I can a bucket of salt into free sea water.

[–] Allero@lemmy.today 5 points 1 month ago

Could you threaten the salt vendor with that?

[–] phase@lemmy.8th.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Salt? Wait... sea warer can also contain so much more like magnesium. A perfect component for... explosive... with water...

[–] SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 month ago

sea water wouldn't be containing elemental magnesium, it would contain magnesium salts.

load more comments
view more: next ›