this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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Obviously I'm talking about two adults, I'm just wondering when it goes from okay to "a bit iffy", either older or younger

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[–] swelter_spark@reddthat.com 3 points 4 hours ago

Once you're 30, as long as the other person is in your general age group or older, and the relationship works for both of you, your specific ages don't matter.

[–] xePBMg9@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 7 hours ago

I would say; don't take other peoples opinion in mind. If you make eachother happy; you are good.

If your question is focusing on the reaction of the average person. I would say the average person walking past you on the street, will not raise their eyebrow unless one of the partners looks underage. Or if the 30 year old looks significantly older than 30.

[–] daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

I don't think is that much the age (above 18 please) than the knowledge that you are not taking advantage of that person (or knowing that that person is not taking advantage of you though this is harder to notice).

If there's a huge age gap you will get looks. But the looks of others are not that important as long as you know that what you are doing is right.

Are you taking advantage of the other person because of their age? If yes then don't do it. If no, please continue.

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 6 points 11 hours ago

I can attest to this. I had a 30 year-old friend who I got along with great when I was 19. We hung out all the time and got looks and odd comments when we went out. I knew he was interested, but I never budged and he never took advantage. We're still great platonic friends to this day, 15ish years later.

[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 96 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] msage@programming.dev 5 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I can't imagine a 22yo with 30yo.

You are going through such different stages in your lives.

One is most likely still in school, the other may be trying to run their own busuiness, or strive for children. There may be common grounds, but at 22 I would not suggest settling down.

[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 5 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Honestly, I've met so many people at either age or older who were at either stage in their life. A 22 yo can be done with their training and fully working, even having their own business while a 30 yo is still trying to find themselves.

[–] msage@programming.dev 2 points 3 hours ago

Sure, but how common is that? There are exceptions to every rule.

But still at 25 your brain is not fully formed, and as such you may consider some wilder ideas.

[–] kersploosh@sh.itjust.works 63 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Every kid in my high school knew the "half your age plus 7" rule for bounding age gaps:

Age of younger person in the relationship = (Age of older person in the relationship / 2) + 7

So if you are 30 then you can date from 22 to 46. Science!

Though, really, beyond your mid-20s I think you can date as old as you like. As long as everyone is consenting, open, and honest, then have fun.

[–] Acamon@lemmy.world 7 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

I've always heard the "half your age plus seven" rule (mostly somewhat jokingly) for the appropriate minimum age of your partner. But I read somewhere that it's origin is from some 18th century manual for finding a wife, wherein it indicated the MAX age of an appropriate wife...

[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 6 points 9 hours ago

I think you stumbled upon the Republican manual for dating in the 21st century

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 33 points 1 day ago (1 children)

The half + 7 also makes it more likely that the two of you have some overlapping life experiences which helps a lot with compatability.

[–] otp@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago (2 children)

50 and 32? Maybe, I guess?...

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

More likely than 50 and 22...

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

I'm 100 years old! Gonna get me a niiiiiiice 19 year old!

What? I don't give a shit about your little dating rules. I'm 100! I'm gonna get my dick wet using money that won't be usable in 2 years!

Now then. Who wants to feed me 30 viagra, and get anally pounded for $20,000? Lets get real weird with it!

[–] Fleur_@aussie.zone 14 points 22 hours ago

I'm a so long as both are older than 18 it's fine kinda person.

[–] A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago (12 children)

Half your age +7 years. 30yo can date 22yo.

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[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 9 points 21 hours ago

I'm 40 now and can't imagine dating someone younger than 30. People change so much between 20-30 that the person you start with may not be the person you end with. People should never quit growing and learning. But I want to know that the person has enough life experience and stability to be a reliable partner. That being said, I also hold older women at an arms length because in my experience they tend to want more control. I don't want control or to be controlled. I want an equal partnership with respect and love. I understand that that changes depending on the person but IN GENERAL I would go -7 or +5. There are exceptions to that based on maturity, intellect, vibe, etc.

[–] slazer2au@lemmy.world 22 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If they are both consenting adults and personalities don't cause a toxic environment what does it matter.

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 3 points 10 hours ago

I got a vivid image of two age gapped goons spilling toxic waste into a river while snickering to themselves. Definitely don't do that. And definitely let me go grab my coffee as I'm still in dream mode.

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 19 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Are there any?

If you're 18+, you're free to be with whoever you want to be. As long as no abuse is going on in either direction, and both are happy, who am I to judge

[–] otp@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] DebatableRaccoon@lemmy.ca 3 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

That's not what's being said. From the context of an adult dating some, 15/16 is too young unless the older person is really close to that age (18, 19 at a push and I only think like that because I'm from somewhere with an age of consent of 16. Places with AoC of 18 would obviously be skewed older).

When one of the people is on the younger side, the old rule of thumb (age of older person/2+7) is a best practice for what would be considered inappropriate.

[–] otp@sh.itjust.works 1 points 11 hours ago

I was asking if they thought that people under 18 shouldn't date.

15 and 16 pair work by the 1/2 + 7 rule, but not by "Anything goes 18+" rule

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[–] CidVicious@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 day ago

I think life situation is probably more important than strictly age. If you're an independent 30 year old working a full time job you probably don't want to date a college student that lives with their parents.

[–] Ceedoestrees@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I know a relationship therapist with a list. Everyone needs to be:

  1. Legal.
  2. Capable of enthusiastic consent.
  3. Enthusiastically consenting.
  4. Respectful.
  5. Aware of each other's expectations.

Check the boxes and have fun.

[–] MuttMutt@lemmy.world 2 points 16 hours ago

I am 16 years younger than my other half.

Age is a number and people mature at different rates based on their life experiences and intelligence. I survived mental, physical, and sexual abuse as a child. I am also considered high intelligence... in elementary school I was ranked in the top 10 percentile of my age group based on standardized testing. In middle school all of my testing showed me at a minimal of college levels with some areas in graduate school. I had no friends and have literally had the crap beat out of me for no reason than I existed. I have also buried a child and a wife. I am more comfortable with an older woman because those my own age and younger are generally more self absorbed.

Stick to someone of the age of majority who makes you happy and isn't abusive. The rest is your business and nobody else's.

[–] fletcher_bosom@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

Half the older age plus 7.

[–] ano@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

That's subjective. Two adults can do whatever they want. The rest is just other people's opinions and those opinions can also be “a bit iffy”. The more you listen to other people's arbitrary morals, the iffier things get and you soon realize you should just have followed your own intuition to begin with.

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

Depends on where everyone is in their life. An undergrad shouldn't be dating someone graduated and in a stable working condition. Once your past a certain age, it becomes fairly useless as a question of appropriateness- with things like life experience, goals and present conditions being more important.

even then; it's about maintaining a healthy balance of power in the relationship. if it's a one night stand and everyone involved are consenting adults; that's none of our business.

[–] N0t_5ure@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If they are looking to date younger, I'd say that 25 would probably be the realistic minimum, as that is the age by which the brain is fully developed. If a thirty year old is looking to date older, I don't really see any real limit. Their brain is fully developed, and they've been an adult long enough that they can evaluate the pros and cons of the older person.

[–] kelpie_returns@lemmy.world 4 points 21 hours ago

Iirc, it's not that the brain finishes development at 25, but that the study this point comes from stopped following its subjects at age 25. A broader look at neuro-development seems to suggest that the brain never stops 'maturing'. It's not always improving tbc, but there also isn't some definitive line that makes someone cerebraly adult.

Not sure what that means in regards to this thread, but I do feel it's worth pointing out.

[–] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 3 points 1 day ago

My wife and I are almost 10 years apart. We met right before her 30th birthday, I was also once the younger partner when I was 20 and my then-gf was 34. That failed for a number of reasons, but I don't think age was one of them. With legal, consenting adults, whatever works for you is fine, I think.

[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 day ago

Someone in their thirties shouldn't be dating an undergrad or retiree. Anything in between is probably fine.

[–] Bluefalcon@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 day ago

Over 30? Any age up. Down? 8 years difference

[–] CCMan1701A@startrek.website 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Have your own list of cultural references, of they know them well, you'll be ok.

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 1 points 10 hours ago

I once dated a 40 year-old in my early 30s and I still had to explain what a random SpongeBob WhatsApp sticker was. It felt so wrong.

[–] otacon239@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Just had this conversation oddly enough. I’m of the mindset that consenting adults can do as they please BUT power dynamics I feel are far more important than age. If your power dynamics is unbalanced, you can be the same age and have it all go wrong if they’re your manager for instance, but if you’re 18 and your 40-year-old coworker who works in the same dept wants to jump your bones, I say no harm, no foul.

[–] Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

I think that's too young to be dating at all

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