man, i bet business is booming for Etsy witches right now
this post was submitted on 10 Sep 2025
569 points (97.2% liked)
Not The Onion
18084 readers
2144 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Five stars, would unholy ritual summon again!
Guy shot, killer not found, perfect. Could they lay out how one would curse someone like this?
Do I have to ask gpt about this for my fictional novel?
Wow, that is impeccable timing.
I am getting so many uses out of this meme today
In 2020 there was a worldwide pagan ritual on Halloween (in which I participated) to bind Trump in order to prevent his election. Biden won. In 2024, there was no collective ritual and we know how that turned out. I don't actually believe in magic, but at this point, I'm happy to hedge(witch) my bets.
… I don’t tell many people this but I feel like you can help carry my burden.
I dropped a toasted buttered bagel on election night, it landed on the floor butter side up.
I volunteered at the polls on election day and ran over a cardinal on the way there. That's when I knew we were cooked.
Thank you for your service, Etsy Witches.
So, did my Etsy curses work? Time will tell. The forces move in mysterious ways, and as the Priestess reminded me, “Spellwork is a collaboration between the caster, the client, and the universe itself.” For now, we can only trust in the timing of the great unknown.
The Universe says, "hold my beer."
By Wednesday, I checked Charlie’s socials to see if he was spouting anything new.
He sure was spouting blood from his neck.
The great unknown has a sense of humor it seems
It's particularly fond of irony I find.
If anyone deserves a tip for exceptional service, it's those Etsy witches.
Let’s raise more money for witches!
Wow. Curse of hatred on the new moon in August. Dead just after the Full moon of September. I hope the author purchased the protection spell.
Those witches could make a fortune with a time limited discount for hexes on Trump
The curse of McDonald's
And P eter The il
Peter think has evil protection magic.
This is how religion starts
Looks like their caster rolled a nat 20 and scored the crit of a lifetime.
"Hold my staff, fam"
You Shall Not Pass!
Fucking hell this just gets better:
"Etsy witches." So that's what hitmen are calling themselves online now?
I mean, it's manual labor from a distance, what else would you call it?
Well, that's customer satisfaction.
man i ain't never cast no curse, always felt it was bad juju, but i gotta look into this shit.
new moon near the equinox comin up. hrm...
How ~~do I~~ can my friend contact them?
do not worry, they are panicked as fuck and busy cleansing their space now that a spell has worked, and busy preparing a Big Spell for the equinox with everyone else
Wow those witches are just really direct.
No refund needed.
Who else is in their cursor?
Kickstart 'Curse Charlie KirK'