this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Anon deals with crows (piefedimages.s3.eu-central-003.backblazeb2.com)
 
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[–] djsoren19@lemmy.blahaj.zone 174 points 4 days ago (4 children)

if you happen to find yourself in a similar situation where you're the sugar daddy for a murder of crows, get them some nice peanuts and sunflower seeds instead! bread isn't good for birds!

[–] MeatPilot@lemmy.world 58 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (3 children)

Seed me daddy! I don't want bread.

OwO

[–] argarath@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Bird furries tend to use OvO instead because the v looks like a beak owo

[–] MeatPilot@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Learn something new everyday.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 4 days ago (2 children)

You don't want to be bread?

Oh well...

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[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 24 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Ehh. You're more of a fence than a sugar daddy. You move stolen loot for a cut.

[–] Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world 19 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Also, one assumes you're not fucking them.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 4 days ago

Bold to assume

[–] maxwells_daemon@lemmy.world 14 points 4 days ago

Brand new sentence

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[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 31 points 3 days ago

It's bold of Anon to assume that the crows are not earning the money legitimately.

That's racist.

[–] Broadfern@lemmy.world 188 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

They have the money but probably aren’t allowed in the stores to buy it themselves.

It’s either

1.) Facilitating the financial self-sufficiency of local avian wildlife or

2.) The bird equivalent of buying alcohol for your kid cousins who are standing outside the liquor store.

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 45 points 4 days ago

Both of which are rad

[–] notso@feddit.org 36 points 4 days ago

Anón when an old lady shows up to feed the crows:

[–] badelf@lemmy.dbzer0.com 62 points 4 days ago (1 children)

$20 for bread crumbs?! These crows must be living in the USA.

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 11 points 4 days ago

😂 the allegory

[–] kromem@lemmy.world 45 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 4 days ago

My favorite emo band

[–] Rocketpoweredgorilla@lemmy.ca 91 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I kinda wish all the stray/feral cats I've befriended would start coughing up some cash once in awhile instead of dead mice and hairballs for me.

[–] RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com 31 points 4 days ago (4 children)
[–] InnerScientist@lemmy.world 21 points 4 days ago
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[–] glibg@lemmy.ca 65 points 4 days ago (6 children)

The photo is of a raven, not a crow. That said, exchanges of this sort with corvids has always been a bucket list item of mine.

[–] Juice@midwest.social 68 points 4 days ago (2 children)

What is the difference between a raven and a crow? One major difference is that ravens have 3 pinion feathers on each wing, whereas crows only have two.

So its really just a difference of a pinion

[–] laranis@lemmy.zip 30 points 4 days ago

Goddamnit. Sitting here ready to subscribe to crow facts and you got me with a freakin pinion joke.

Well done.

[–] thebestaquaman@lemmy.world 17 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (6 children)

Apparently, ravens are so huge that if you see one you will not be in doubt that it can't be a crow. At least that's what I've been told.

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 14 points 4 days ago (1 children)

TBF even crows are a lot bigger than what I always thought crows were. I've seen them up close since I've been feeding my local murder peanuts, and these guys are the size of roaster chickens.

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[–] Ledivin@lemmy.world 11 points 4 days ago (1 children)

This is how it was explained to me by a very elderly, birdwatching family member... If you ever go "whoa, that's a really big crow," you're probably wrong

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[–] MrsDoyle@sh.itjust.works 8 points 4 days ago

Raven at the Tower of London. They are big, with massive beaks.

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[–] TheOctonaut@mander.xyz 18 points 4 days ago

Here's the thing...

[–] okwhateverdude@lemmy.world 12 points 4 days ago

Don't let your dreams be dreams, future bro to birds

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[–] Batman@lemmy.world 22 points 4 days ago

That's just one distribution method of the mint. They find dollars go through more hands on average if they are given to crows by this man's lake. He should not feel guilty for stimulating my economy.

[–] LOLseas@sh.itjust.works 59 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] ArsonButCute@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 4 days ago (1 children)

What about Ezekiel bread? (Made from legumes, not grains)

[–] LOLseas@sh.itjust.works 26 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Yesh. Ezekiel bread is okay. Good catch.

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[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 32 points 4 days ago (5 children)

I've been feeding roasted (and unsalted) peanuts to my local crows for three years now. Those ungrateful bastards haven't given me shit in return. One time I thought they had given me some little seeds and berries, but I realized they had just puked those up to make room for the peanuts.

[–] ArsonButCute@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Do you have a designated table you put the peanuts on?

I knew a guy years ago who managed to start trading with the crows in our neighborhood by having a table with two sections, one with bird snackies, the other empty (I think he may have put some foil there at one point?) so they'd have a place to put their payment.

The always got little plastic things, bits of mylar, twistie ties and what not.

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 14 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Do you have a designated table you put the peanuts on?

Lol I get enough abuse from my neighbors for feeding the crows as it is. If I put out a crow table they're going to sic ICE on me.

[–] alekwithak@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

Start messing with the crows while dressed as ICE, then when they do show up the crows will know what to do.

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[–] ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Are legumes okay for crows? I know they are omnivores (really interesting to see their bigger cousins, the ravens, pick off ducklings). Especially peanuts that become kinda weird when you chew them. Crows have gizzards, right?

I'm no crow expert. I know they eat peanuts and I know they eat roadkill squirrel. That's the end of my knowledge.

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[–] driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 27 points 4 days ago

Florida man arrested after training crows to steal the declaration of independence for him.

[–] TomasEkeli@programming.dev 23 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Buy them some unsalted peanuts or walnuts. They will worship you as the god you are.

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[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 25 points 4 days ago (1 children)
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[–] ozymandias@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 4 days ago (14 children)

a lot of people have trained crows to steal money for them… it’s very illegal….
probably not getting cash from restaurant tables.:.
people have also trained ferrets to steal jewelry and used them as burglars….

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 26 points 4 days ago (2 children)

It's not "training crows to steal money", it's introducing crows to capitalism

[–] ozymandias@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 4 days ago

for the crows it’s a gift-based society, not capitalism

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[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 16 points 4 days ago (4 children)

brb, checking local laws on "training animals to do crime"

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[–] peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 days ago

Give them bird seed instead

[–] jawa21@piefed.blahaj.zone 8 points 4 days ago
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