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I AM DOOMED to remember a boy with a wrecked voice-not because of his voice, or because he was the smallest person I ever knew, or even because he was the instrument of my mother's death, but because he is the reason I believe in God; I am a Christian because of Owen Meany.
A Prayer For Owen Meany
-- John Irving
"Beneath the floor of a very old forest, nestled in among some nice, rich topsoil, lived a family of worms. Earthworms, to be exact." Gary Larson ~ 'There's A Hair In My Dirt!'
I remember finding a Shadow Warrior novel (based on the video game) and I only remember how it opened because it was batshit insane. Lo Wang is at a restaurant trying to decide what to get weighing the pros and cons of getting some fish thing that he knows would give him major gas and he didn't want to upset some woman he was going to be with latwr by stinking up the joint, when a bunch of the big bad's ninjas show up and try to kill him. He easily kills them all, and at one point cuts one of their noses off and flicks it into the bowl of soup another patron looking on in horror had ordered, while Wang thinks to himself that guy is gonna take the nose home to show his children and tell the story about how Lo Wang stopped a bunch of evil ninjas.
I read this in high school and even as a teen who loved that shit, I thought it was cringe af. Like a wild fanfic you'd find on a blog or forum. Yet I paid money for it in a book.
Found it. For Dead Eyes Only.
Wang, without seeming to slow the spinning knives, snipped off a small piece of the assassin's nose and caught it in his left hand, holding it up for the assassin to see.
“Looks like chicken,” Lo Wang said, turning the hunk of nose around in front of the man. “Chicken a favorite of mine.” Wang smiled, spun the hunk of nose around slowly in his fingers, licking his lips, and then tossed the nose over his shoulder so that it landed near the businessmen behind the bar. They could keep it as a souvenir of their lunch. Maybe even dip it in plastic, mount it on a nice plaque, and hang it over the fireplace. Then when telling the story to their grandchildren, they could point to the hunk of nose with pride.
Ive long found something amusing about Seveneves's opening line being "The moon blew up without warning and for no apparent reason".
“Ba-room, ba-room, ba-room, baripity, baripity, baripity, baripity - good.”
Katherine Paterson, Bridge to Terabithia
(The context turns out to be the protagonist listening to his dad start the truck and drive away.)
That's me, you may wonder how I got there...
On second thought, it may not work so well in books, unless they're illustrated novels (or comics, as we used to call them, even though they weren't all that funny).
This is the story of a bloodstained boy. There he stands, swaying as utterly as any windblown sapling. He is quite, quite red. - Railsea, China Mieville.