I got told shit like “you’re getting a free vacation” and “how many opportunities like this are you going to get” and “we tried our best to accommodate you.”

"Yes, and it must really not be our thing if we are saying no to all of that."

Sometimes you need to pick a position and dig in your heels. Even when they start pushing and you start doubting yourself you can remember that you already made your choice...but not so easy when something is just suddenly thrown at you and you don't get an opportunity to think on it first.

A lot of the experiences you described sound a lot like stuff I deal with. Have you ever been tested for autism?

Someday in the future, someone will try to pressure you into another cruise, saying that you didn't have fun because you didn't go with the "right" people, didn't do the "right" things or go to the "right" locations, etc. It'll be up to you to decide what to say to them.

This fits into the larger umbrella of parents giving their children things the parents believe their children should want, rather than things that are actually wanted or needed.

My sister is gay and prefers pants and “men’s” shirts. For years my mom would by my sister dresses and then lay down a guilt trip when my sister didn’t wear the dresses.

OP, you have every right to resent this. It sounds like your parents “invited” you because they already planned to have your brother along. They may have even been going for a bulk deal.

This sort of thing may be the ultimate fun time for them, and they may have just wanted to give you what they see as the ultimate fun time, but it's not that for you. It's okay that different people like different recreational things, and sometimes people with their hearts in the right place still need to be reminded of that fact. So, you can be gracious about the gift but keep this writeup.

When this is over, you can politely thank your parents for the gift and say no more if you want. But if they press the issue and genuinely want to know how you felt about it, if they really want you to be honest, you could tell them what you've just told us. If in the future they invite you to another cruise and give you any guff about taking no for an answer, tell them what you told us. You can still express gratitude that they gave you the chance to give this a fair shake, and politely decline repeating the experience. "I tried and it's just not for me" is a valid takeaway from this, both for you and for them.

But hey, at least you tried. You said it was 4 days. At least it wasnt one of those 2 weeks cruises.

You gave it a genuine try and genuinely didnt like it. Tag it as another experience in life you learn from. And thats about it. Next time they invite you just say you tried and you prefer doing something else.

You can also try to invite them for some activity you like for the next vacation.

The library is usually empty. Most bar also close from time to time, so you can go sit there, read a book, watch a movie, play a game on your computer, or whatever activity you enjoy. And be alone for hours.

Running, walking on the threadmill while watching the sea is great, and the sport salle is never full... the sauna, not so sure.

Go explore the working quarter on the under belly of the beast. Most people will assume you're just some family member of a worker and let you roam and get lost all you want.

Remember the food is good, and you will never sleep as well (or as bad, if it is not your stuff) as on a large ship cruising slowly on the ocean

Your parents spend lot of money, just so you can enjoy something they find very enjoyable. It can not be your stuff, but they care about you

At least you went, my guy. You can, without a doubt, say "that's not a thing I like". I have never done a cruise because I don't think I would like them, and don't want to be stuck in a boat for 3 more days after I find that out. Will I miss out on cruises? Probably not. Will I talk myself out of other things I might have actually enjoyed? Almost certainly.

It's important to push boundaries and try new things, but it's important-er to learn from those experiences and grow, even if the only "growth" you get here is the confirmation that trying a new thing might suck, but won't kill you.

It might be a bit late for you now, but when everyone else is in port, that's the best time to be on the ship.

Get yourself to one of the open decks with some food and a drink, and appreciate the lack of any queues. Get a chair next to the pool and chill out for a while. Take some photos of the views that you wouldn't otherwise see.

In short, try to make the most of it while you're stuck there, and enjoy the quiet time :)

I was in a very similar situation, grandpa paid for whole family to go to Alaska. I had been having a rought time with depression and this cruise didn't help, but I told him I had a great time. He nearly cried he was so happy to hear it. I hated it and would never go again, but he spent the rest of his life having this untainted memory of the whole family, me included. Just make it clear that as "fun" as this trip was, you'd never do it again. Glad to do it once, kind of thing. You can set the boundary while still preserving a special moment in their memories. That's how you show appreciation for the gesture.

Some people in the comments are missing the point. You didn't want something. You told your parents you and your partner didn't want it. You were given and pressured into it regardless.

Do not feel awful for not appreciating it. It doesn't matter why you don't. Your parents have ignored you completely. Not just you on the cruise, but your wishes in the first place. It doesn't matter how nice Cozumel is. If you are stressed out from the cruise experience to start with, you won't be in the mind space to enjoy something else you might have if you were visiting it normally.

OP, this is not your fault. You have every right to feel angry. You were left out in many ways and guilted into feeling bad about yourself for not enjoying something you upfront said you didn't want.

I hope this gives you the ability to stand your ground in the future. Sure, it can be nice to experience new things and find out you like something you never thought you would. But that's up to you to decide. Whether its about a cruise or something else, only you and your partner should make that decision for yourselves. I hope you call your parents out on this, but if you don't, I hope you can always say "no" without buckling in the future.

Even though you could have...

Been consulted on your preferences Been having a better time in a foreign environment Been whatever

Now you had first hand experience and first hand answers of what you think. It was 4 days of your life, and it will let you focus and drive away several future conversations.

Sometimes we do things for us and that's fine, and sometimes we do things to make other people happy. Be sure you and your folks understand your thoughts on what cruises mean for each of you. And why not, be mindfull that some experiences are better suited for different phases in life, and perhaps your preferences change over time.

As long as you and your partner are very very clear on each other expectations, you can manage whatever 3rd parties throw at you.

This sucks. I hope you find your peaceful place on board. If you switch your hours and become night owls for the remaining days that might help. Cruise ships at 4am are different to cruise ships at 4pm.

Your story put me in mind of my MIL and shrimps. She loves shrimps and thinks they're fancy. Anytime she makes them for a family gathering she spends a great deal of time encouraging me to try them, and after the third or forth request I always do, and I always find the texture disgusting, I always say "the seasoning is lovely, I just really hate the texture of shrimp," and she's always so surprised that I don't like her shrimp. Your parents love cruises so much they can't imagine that anyone wouldn't. And I don't know the solution because pretending to be willing to try a sea insect is a much smaller commitment than four days on a boat. However, if they do keep insisting that you repeat this experience see if you can pay the difference and get a balcony. Maybe see if they have this option for the remaining time this cruise.

I live in a cruise tourist city and there's no fuckin way I'm ever stepping foot on one of those boats. People who go on cruises are not humanity's finest examples to say the least. When a cruise ship is docked here I simply avoid going downtown.

Cruises usually suck, but if you can get out and it's still like this (we're talking almost 40 years ago)- We went to Cozumel as part of a vacation across the Yúcatan when I was a 12 or so and went snorkling over the coral reef. I remember various things about that vacation, good and bad, but what sticks with me most all these decades later was what I saw on that reef. Do treat yourself to that experience if it's one you can still have.

I took my wife on a cruise even though they aren't really my thing. The thing about cruises is you sort of have to lean into them. If you want to do much at the ports of call you need to plan ahead and typically book the excursions they offer. If you want to just chill, then you can view the ship as basically a floating all you can eat buffet with 24/7 self serve soft serve.

My wife and I both enjoyed the excursions (horse back riding, kayaking, dinners) we also just read in the sun on the decks and went for the couples massage (highly recommended).

It sounds like you might not be big into traveling, and hey, that's ok. It's ok to spend time in the cabin, it's ok to read in the sun, and you don't have to hang with the crowds or get drunk. Give yourself permission to enjoy what you enjoy and avoid what you don't.

If you do have the money I would suggest booking one of the paid dinners they usually offer and doing a couple massage. Those are usually quiet and relaxing. Likewise, find out of the way spots on deck and just chill away from the noise.

If nothing else you can view this as a great learning experience both in figuring out what you do and don't like, and in seeing and sticking firm to boundaries with family.

Best of luck!

Edited to add: that sucks about feeling left out. I suspect some of it is your parents focusing on the grandkids. It could also be they picked up on some of your anxiety and have been giving you space. Either way, of you want to go with them, when they say hey went to senor frogs, reply awesome, let me know next time you head out and I'll come. One thing I learned in life is if you always decline invites, eventually you stop being invited. So, invite your self if you want that to change.

Best regards!

Honestly every person I've met who does the cruise thing has always been kind of off. I think it appeals to a particular personality type which I almost always seem to clash with. It's people who want the most sterilized form of adventure possible. They want to "see" places, but not feel obligated to explore them or even interact with them. They are so locked into their cultural bubble they go through enormous lengths to bring it with them.

Does the cruise ship have ice cream machines? I went on a cruise with my family as a kid down in the Caribbean and the thing I remember the most is all the free ice cream haha. There were three machines on the top deck, one in the middle and one on each end of the ship. But only one (at one end, I don’t remember which) that had strawberry.

On the last day of the cruise, my brothers and I all had an ice cream cone making competition. We all took turns trying to make our best creation with chocolate and vanilla, and then I had a brilliant idea. If I could get all THREE flavors, surely I’d win it. So I start huffin it to the machine on the other end of the ship, while trying to balance the already tall ice cream cone. I make it, and top it off with a good amount of strawberry. Now I’ve gotta make it back, time is running short for my now dripping stack of ice cream. I’m having to use my other hand to literally hold onto the foot tall tower of ice cream and I maneuver around people to make it back to my brothers.

Long story short, I fucking did it. I got all three flavors baby! No idea if that got me the win or not, but man, I’ll never forget that realization that, oh shit this might be too much ice cream and now I have to get back to the other side of the ship with it all.

Edit: but I feel you OP, the excursions onto land were pretty overwhelming. Getting onto land in Cozumel and the other places we stopped and immediately being hounded by locals trying to sell you stuff. That’s probably why I have more memories on the ship than I do from the countries we visited.

I’m also remembering the fun times playing bingo on the ship. The announcer was friggen awesome and we still quote a few lines from him to this day

Dave Wallace wrote a pretty popular essay called "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again" which covers his unfortunate experiences on a paid-for cruise. Could be worth a read if you want some humor and commiseration.

I found a copy on Scribd, you might be able to find it elsewhere if you poke around.

https://www.scribd.com/document/157911921/DFWallace-A-Supposedly-Fun-Thing-I-ll-Never-Do-Again-pdf

I had to learn a few years ago how to say no. It came after spending years trying to please everyone and always having to come up with excuses for coming up short while feeling like all I did was disappoint people.

When I met my wife, she was the same. She'd work horrible hours, like closing down a restaurant at 3am and then being there at 9am with about 4 hours of sleep. She'd wake up late, apologize profusely to her boss and drive insanely fast to work. She also had a hard time being at important events like birthdays because "they wouldn't let me have the day off"

I taught her, most things in life require little explanation. Instead of saying "can I please have x day off, I need to yadayada"... Say "I'm letting you know ahead of time, I won't be unavailable on x date." Nothing further. And if they ask why, simply rephrase "like I said, I won't be available." Or "I have something to take care of." It's incredibly uncomfortable for them to press on further but if for some reason they do you can refuse to answer by changing the topic or by ignoring them.

Same with things like being tardy. If you're already late, then be late. Have your breakfast, get dressed, drive safely. No need to make a bad day worse. When you call to let your boss know you'll be late, same thing. Maybe offer a small apology, but no excuses. "Hey, my apologies, I'm running late. I'll be there in 30 minutes or so." If they say "omg no you can't be late today how could you do this to me" keep your cool, "I'll be there as soon as I can."

There's a book called the power of no which I partially read. Highly recommend it. https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/18595404

Here's the description

... a well-placed ‘no’ will not only save you time and trouble—it will save your life.

“Takes a fresh approach to becoming masterful at using ‘no’ to say ‘yes’ to life.” —Cheryl Richardson, author of The Art of Extreme Self-Care

“No” is sometimes the hardest word to say. It’s also the most necessary.

How many times have you heard yourself saying yes to the wrong things—overwhelming requests, bad relationships, time-consuming obligations? How often have you wished you could summon the power to turn them down?

Drawing on their own stories, as well as feedback from their readers and students, authors James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher clearly show that you have the right to say

• To anything that is hurting you. • To standards that no longer serve you. • To people who drain you of your creativity and expression. • To beliefs that are not true to the real you.

It’s one thing to say “No,” the authors explain. It’s another thing to have the Power of No. When you do, you will have a stronger sense of what is good for you and the people around you, and you will have a deeper understanding of who you are. Ultimately, you’ll be freed to say a truly powerful “Yes” in your life—one that opens the door to opportunities, abundance, and love.

I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it.

I know this feel. But honestly, as much as I understand that a lot of people love cruises and many never get the chance to even take a vacation in their lives let alone one that expensive, it doesn't mean you are in their debt or that this is how you should feel.

Gifts are when they're desirable for the recipient. If I were to walk up to you and hand you my garbage, it's technically a gift because I've given you something you didn't already have without expecting payment, but you would never call that a gift. Why? because I'm offloading the trash for my benefit. You didn't want it or ask for it or gain anything from it except extra work throwing it out. Your parents gave you the trip for their benefit - just because a cruise is worth much more to someone (other than you or I) than my trash doesn't make it any more a gift to you than my trash would be.

Of course, I would never tell my parents their gift is trash. In their head, they're doing me a favor. But when someone "helps" only on their own terms in a way they think is helpful (but you have already told them what you would find helpful, and it's not that...), it's not help as much as it is them thinking they know better and refusing to listen to you.

And yes I told you all that for my own "parents refuse to respect my wishes" reasons, so, read into it as you wish.

That sounds frustrating. At least you two can say you tried.

My parents loved to do family vacations, and a lot of them turned out pretty crappy for one reason or another. Seemed there was always at least one person that really didn’t want to be there. Both my parents passed away, within 5 months of each other a couple years ago and I would kill to go on one more family vacation, or play another round of golf with my dad.

Man. I feel for you my friend. I also would rather do almost anything other than go on a cruise. It sounds like torture.

I absolutely relate. I'm a cold weather person, I get very angsty and depressed in warmer climates. I also hate traveling, I hate planes and hotels and the whole experience of it. My parents are the opposite. They're strong warm weather people who enjoy frequently traveling, and when I was younger they would regularly drag me and my brothers on vacation to whatever tropical location they had their eyes on.

A couple years ago they moved to Florida, and having to travel to Florida every Christmas has been hell. I'm writing this as I'm still there, I can't bear it. It's not just the heat, it's the whole element of traveling and being away from home.

It's not that I don't love my family, I just don't like being dragged around to absurdly hot climates and sleeping in a bed that isn't mine.

You are a person. You have value. You have every right to set your boundaries and ask that they be respected.

A free vacation you didn't ask for, or your parents kicking your door in and taking a dump on your favorite couch...emotionally speaking it's the same thing.

You don't feel guilty, you feel ashamed for not being a stronger person and setting boundaries. You allowed yourself to be manipulated by family, who you "should" trust, into a situation you knew you wouldn't enjoy, and your wife suffered as well.

Have there been other times early in your life where you allowed yourself to be manipulated into uncomfortable situations by close relatives?

If so, you are probably resonating on those earlier events and you feel emphatically worse than something like this should usually feel like because you're responding to compounding trauma.

If I were you, I'd just do what made me happy and let others do what makes them happy and not worry at all about those two things overlapping.

Definitely do not feel guilty, but also try not to feel resentful. Lesson learned, next time you know to give a firm "no".

Home bowl, too. Never poop as well anywhere else.

Sorry your family put you in this situation but you'll be back home soon with all the fixins!

+1 for the HSP crowd.

Sometimes it takes outings like these to really give you a deep appreciation for your lifestyle and boundaries. Unfortunately, family doesn't often understand or respect it.

As a fellow Oklahoman who has a brother that loves to cruise and been trying to talk me and my wife into going on one. Thank you for your post OP. It gives me the courage and strength that I can gladly turn down my brother next time he asks us to go on one.

When I was little, I remember staring at the herd of cruise people that were lined up to eat the resort’s buffet. I thought it was cool to hear accents from all over, however, I thought it sucked that a main attraction was to come eat at a hotel with some over the top announcer lady yelling “ooooh salsa muy picante woow”

Later my pops explained to me that this is how people from around the world have to experience other cultures, there is no Tia Lupe to make her neighborhood famous salsa quemada. Made me happy to see everyone excited to experience Mexico, as tiny and rushed as the experience may be. :)

You don’t have to tell your parents anything, you’re an adult, but if you want you should explain that the party scene is too much pressure and it’s hard to enjoy yourself like that.

Personally I couldn’t eat comfortably if it meant I HAD TO BE ON THE BOAT EXACTLY AT 2 and for sure I’m in no way getting sloshed at señor frogs if it means I start to panic about the boat and crowds either.

Enjoy YOUR vacation. Do what YOU want!

Edit: you don’t go to Señor Frogs for the food 🍻

As someone who has kids and siblings without... It can be difficult to coordinate (especially when they are young). My folks and my brother would try to have everyone go together somewhere and we would have to be very non committal. We would have to call audible all the time, like it took too long to transition from A to B we need to get food in them, what's the closest place to get food. My brother would get offended that I didn't include him in plans, and I would do my best to reassure him I have nothing even remotely resembling a plan.

That said you could not get me on a cruse ship with any amount of money. Being pressured into these situations sucks. It's family, so you have to put forth some effort, but you get to come back and say that didn't work for me/us, lets find something else we can all enjoy.

Good luck. Make the most out of it, don't wallow in your misery, and know you get to tell them "I tried and it didn't work last time."

i assume you’re home now. it sounds miserable. luckily it was just four days. next time, say, “no thanks.”

The crowds at the ports are horrible. I would describe myself and my partner very similarly to you, but we liked cruises (at least precovid). You have to shove past the crowds at the port and then usually you can get some breathing space and actually explore the country your visiting.

But I absolutely understand being overwhelmed.

Also, there is nothing wrong with lounging in your room and watching movies.

Safe travels, hope you get home soon.

“‘No’ is a complete answer”

or words to that effect.