I go to Lemmy to escape the depression and the depression has followed me here, marvelous
You should block this community. Depression posting is kinda what it's for.
Wait until there's a 2me4me_irl.
There is. It pops up sometimes for me. Sometimes funny and relatable, sometimes depressing and relatable, sometimes WTF... And relatable.
Just like real life, somehow
I would unsubscribe from me_irl then. I like the content, but that sort of a community always had somewhat depressing memes, whether it's here or on Reddit.
It's like hide and seek! But less fun.
My version - I need to constantly remind those around me that I am helpful and provide services or they'll forget I exist.
No joke, that's what my life has taught me. People don't hate me, but if I stop gently reminding them I exist, then they'll forget me. It's happened many, many times. I've come to accept that I'm not inherently likable.
Fuck that's so relatable, I hate it. I can't keep track of the number of ~~friends~~ friendships I've had just evaporate the moment I stop texting first.
Edit: lol
God I'm having issues with that right now. I don't make friends or anything like that. I'm not good with people. But I had met someone who would repeatedly call me their friend. They moved away but said we could still be friends and everything but it was all a lie. They never really liked me and never text me or anything. They repeatedly told me when they were going to be in town, but didn't end up wanting to hang out when they were here. I told them how upset I was at turning 30 when I had saw them but they flat out forgot it was my birthday and never said anything despite me texting them happy birthday a week prior.
It just sucks, man. I know it's stupid for me to be this upset about something so dumb. But I don't make friends easily and no one calls me their friend. So when it all ends up to be a lie then I just have the hardest time getting over it.
There's a lot to unpack here, I'm not getting into that, but here's one thing: I have friends I haven't called in two years. They're still my friends. I have a lot going on in my head, sometimes I should congratulate someone for their birthday but my brain is like, naaah, not now, heeeeey, Macarena. And suddenly it's been two weeks and shit, can't really call now, can I?
My sister has been known to call me on her birthday late at night and telling me sternly that it's her birthday and wants to be congratulated about right now, goddamnit. Great! I can work with that. That helps with that problem.
The whole thing you write about the friendship being a lie made me frown a bit, I feel I want to give some comment on that: A friendship isn't a hard linked state. Relationships with people are more of a dynamic web, connections fluctuate over time, depending on available resources, shared interests and mental state of everyone. New connections are made, sometimes old connections drain too much energy one way and thus get less time and energy scheduled automatically, as a form of self protection. It's just what happens. At that point the web loses a connection. It helps a lot at that moment to have an actual web, not just a single thread to hang on. That puts a lot of force on the anchor point of that single thread and that's usually not a great situation for either side, see above.
Please understand...I don't normally mind if someome doesn't wish me happy birthday. Hell, I usually don't like too much attention. It's that we specifically talked about it and it was specifically noted to be a big deal to me because I was having a hard time with turning 30. We specifically talked about it being a big deal to me. It's not like a regular birthday to me.
They specifically said they would text me to keep up with things after they moved away but they didn't, even though I periodically would text. They specifically and repeatedly told me about being in town for a specific set of dates and then didn't actully find time to hang out when they were here.
Here's the thing...they didn't need to repeatedly tell me when they were coming in to town if they didn't want to do anything or if they knew they would be too busy.
They didn't need to tell me they would try to keep in touch if they didn't want to or knew they wouldn't do it.
It's going back on your word is what hurts.
I get that people have busy lives. That's fine.
But to get my hopes up about things and then never end up keeping your word with anything really hurts. And it really does make it feel like they never liked me.
If the answer you say is to find even more people like that... I have a hard enough time making friends as it is. What is even the point of existing at that point if I can't do what I'm supposed to do? And when I do rarely find someone they just leave anyway?
We live in soem whirlwind society that has us doing BS all the time cause productive. That being said losing friends like that is so sad...
Definitely not true.
But the issue here is so deep that it is hard to explain.
First, obviously, if someone doesn't care to give back that relationship isn't worth your time anyway. But you probably know.
Second, when you are there for others but not entirely there from your own base of security, it is received as a temporary interaction, no matter if it is a pleasant or "profitable" interaction
Third, when you get back from a relationship, when they freely give to you, you probably can not fully identify that it has happened, and when you prompt yourself constantly for if you get enough you don't have proof. So to expand on this one, you need to be super conscious about if it just feels like you are forgotten but in reality you have been appreciated and praised but it slipped off you.
You will never receive enough energy attention and love by struggling for it. This is because you never control others, and if you manage to do that, it will be truly just sabotaging any possible real unconditional friendship or love.
You can just give from your side, be so secure in yourself that you have the ability to evaluate objectively if you want to have the relationship if it doesn't really give you joy in life
and yet nobody gives a crap. I'm currently trying to do some art just for myself, but there's still that annoying urge to show it to someone, hoping for a shred of validation.
Show meeee :3
I can only draw stick people, you can't do worse than me!
show me :3
Things that are made are meant to be shared -- we're such social creatures and we want to help each other. It's hard to remove yourself from the equation but I think more and more the artist is more akin to someone reading a letter more than a creator. Share the things they are supposed to be.
It's tough because posting art online and getting a lot of unsolicited (and often unconstructive) criticism can be very demoralizing to less seasoned artists. I often see "well you shouldn't have posted it online if you didn't want comments" and an idea that only "good" art deserves to be seen.
When I was a young teen, I saw a thread on Reddit asking people to post their poems, so I posted one I was reasonably proud of. Only response was someone telling me it sucked. Kinda broke something in me that day, I don't think I've written a poem since.
Honestly I'd love an art community more focused on growing artists. I don't have much constructive criticism to offer, but I love watching people grow as artists.
They're out there. Just off the top of my head, there's https://lemmy.world/c/drawing.
I think that's the one I've posted some of my nice doodles to.
Hi there! Looks like you linked to a Lemmy community using a URL instead of its name, which doesn't work well for people on different instances. Try fixing it like this: !drawing@lemmy.world
When I was a young teen, I saw a thread on Reddit
I'd never thought i would be reading a sentence like this. Now, this makes me feel really, really old.
Reddit is almost 20 years old. People can be born and become adults in that time.
We know. It just doesn't feel that long ago.
Don't even get me started on digg
Sure, but I'm getting older and experienced that "oh, the 80s were 20 years ago" feeling, when i read that. Just like grrgyle wrote, it doesn't feel like so much time passed.
I'm sorry that sucks -- My first internet community was DeviantArt back 20 years ago where it was really positive. I think that kind of did the opposite to me.
Now a days though -- almost everything I post on Reddit gets removed as spam -- it's like an impossible system controlled by that gallowboob CCP robot
While commonly true, it isn't universlly true. I like making things with no intent to ever share them because they are for me. Not practice things, but things that make me happy from going through the process and having a result.
I also make somethings that other people see.
That's why it's good to find someone else who also wants to share their stuff.
Yeah, it may feel like work at first, but after a while you gain a kind of appreciation for each other's stuff, and then genuine interest takes hold and you start to look forward to what your friend(s) are going to share.
This is precisely what my book club has turned into. We haven't read a book in over a year lol
I kinda had someone like that for a little bit, it's why I started doing some art stuff. too bad they just kinda vanished without a word after weeks of telling me how great of a friend I am.
Yeah that can happen. It's real work on both sides to maintain a relationship like that, and in my experience it usually doesn't work out forever. It's still worth it for the while that it does work, though.
Probably best to move on and find a new such person.
What kind of stuff do you make?
The best advise I heard is you don't have to prove anything to anyone. Do whatever you want to do which you enjoy, as long as you're not hurting anyone in the process. Do something because you enjoy doing it and you're not expecting validation.
Imposter syndrome isn't real, you made it up because you are crazy. Just like you made up gaslighting.
Well, you didn't make up gaslighting. Someone else did and you just stole it.
Because you are crazy
who did you hurt?
Even if you get good at that thing, the compliments won't subdue the imposter syndrome.
Yep. It's a nasty thing the brain does, it puts all foreign information through a filter made from convictions. If you're convinced that you do not deliver enough and are not worthy of love, your brain will make the wildest explanations for when someone just proves the opposite to you instead of just taking that at face value. If that person then maybe gives up at some point or just has a bad day your brain will be all like "Ah! See! Told you!"
Good thing is, you can train yourself out of that by doing parallel, rational analysis and explaining the result to yourself. Repeatedly, often. That is fucking hard though and you will fall back to the old mode when under stress. Keep on it, get external help with that, if possible.
I don't suffer from this, but man do I feel like a red crying blob on the inside.
It is too early in the morning to be able to deeply relate to shit like this.
Don’t get your hopes up. I’m good at several things. Still not worthy of love.
My mom praised me up and down for being naturally smart. Whenever I made a serious effort on something, she found a reason to punish me.
You are worth of love red triangle dude. We don't always get what we are worth of though
oddly concrete
There is an elephant in thailand and would be found similar on many places who draws self potraits and simple images
Does he also have imposter syndrome?
Basically what I was told when I said 'there is someone for everyone is a bullshit platitude'.
Omg
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