I mean in his defense... This is an onion article after all. It's only mostly believable.

Gotta take the rubes for everything they're worth. I wonder how many inheritances that fucking guy has sacked.

Did it leave a stain on South Dakota?

The answer is likely when that barricade was installed.

As I've said before, G&T when you're young means MANY G&T's when you're older.

Motherfucker embodies the seven deadly sins. But somehow he's the savior born again...

GTFO, fundies.

...maybe other people just aren't into feet as much as you.

Just remember,

There is no sex in the champagne room.

Nor do I find it humorous.

But one day I hope I can laugh about it.

Yes, your head looks like a testicle.

Tastes like depression.

Both the era and the emotion.

Mother FUCKER