[-] Verto@r.nf 4 points 8 months ago

I'm not sure if I can provide an answer good enough since I never got involved in social work circles, but I'll do my best.

Since, I imagine, they work with cases involving children being molested among other things, they may benefit from knowing many (little over 50%, if I recall correctly) child molesters are not pedophiles and may need a different approach based on whatever led them this way. For example, it would be ineffective to apply a prevention program designed for pedophiles to a person who abused a child due to hypersexuality and kids just being easier to take advantage of, and so on.

Same realization can help in noticing more types of behaviors as risk factors.

Also, most pedophiles are extremely hard to spot: we are not staring at kids and licking our lips or something :D We are not all men in our 40's (in fact, pedophilic thoughts normally arise first during puberty and then last a lifetime), we don't all wear round glasses and a moustache. In fact, for the most part, there is no need to identify us in the first place since most of us are entirely harmless. And yes, some of the social workers, teachers etc. will undoubtedly be pedophiles, most without any malicious intent.

That's all I can think of off the back of my head that can be useful. Feel free to ask further questions!

[-] Verto@r.nf 3 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Mostly "that's so weird", but then "my attractions feel equally weird for others", so I end up not being weirded out, but I certainly can't comprehend it.

I'm not sure I can point out a single feature of a child I'd find attractive; it's firstly behavioural factors (I love children that open up to me, and I feel and notice the trust and bonding effort they put into relationships with me), and only then physical features (voice, face, body size, arms, feet, and general body proportions; genitalia as well). The answer will significantly differ between pedophiles, though, with some prioritizing some other factors. I know many pedophiles that are into boys are absolutely obsessed with butts, for example, and while I can relate to how they feel, this is far from the first thing I'd look for in my boy crush, for example.

[-] Verto@r.nf 5 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Then I don't see the issue too, unless they get too invasive and don't allow me to have some personal space for a prolonged period of time. I don't consider it a sexual or romantic experience on their part, and I love to share some warmth with them. They need that care and love and attention, and I'm there to do exactly that. I will allow them to hug, crawl, play with my hair, even kiss in the cheek if that's their vibe and if they behave this way with others.

Normally this doesn't overload me, but if it does (like if my deep child crush does it repeatedly) or if the child starts going to inappropriate territory, I can always excuse myself and leave for a while, while processing it and planning ways to calm the child down.

Well, pedophilia refers to attraction to pre-puberty children generally, and more exactly - to children between age of ~4 and puberty. For pedophiles, I've heard a saying "7 is heaven, 8 is great, 9 is fine", and it's about as golden rang-y as you'll get. Personal experiences differ a lot, some will prefer the younger range, some the older, I personally would call 9-10 my perfect one.

There are other terms related to other age ranges in minors, like infantophilia/nepiophilia (up to about 4 years old; often considered as part of pedophilia, but has distinct features), hebephilia (attraction to children going through puberty), and ephebophilia (attraction to post-puberty minors, i.e. ~15-17).

Ephebophilia is straight up super common, especially in males, and most ephebophiles don't consider this as something off - after all, 18 years old is a legal boundary, not natural one, and 17yo person barely differs from 18yo.

In any way, should you academically define pedophilia, you already only look at the range from 0(4) to about 12.

[-] Verto@r.nf 7 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

I did at earlier stages, but yeah, it doesn't really work, especially since my attraction to girls which is still my main already goes well into my comfortable adult range, so essentially my only way is to convince myself I'm not interested in younger girls (which is, well, not really working; I can tell myself "yay it works"...until I meet a younger child again)

I do seek relationships with peers of my own age, but I don't enjoy ageplay; it just doesn't bring up much the same feelings, and I doubt I can experience this attraction to adults, no matter how much trickery is involved. Some, though, do find some relief in that. There is no single opinion on ageplay among pedophiles.

[-] Verto@r.nf 7 points 8 months ago

I don't really experience urges nowadays - at first, it does get into this territory, but urges require at least considering intent, which I don't have as of now. Generally, it might be more useful to think of it in the framework of "normal" attraction - we don't get attracted to every child, and we go through the same set of experiences one has for people their age when they fall in love or lust after the other. And same as with "normal" attraction, we can keep that to ourselves. As per outlets - for me it's mostly just imagination, but I see no issue with fictional materials - they just don't work well for me personally.

My attitude to beauty pageants including children is very strongly negative. Not even due to potential for sexualization of children (which can, however, be the case in some instances), but rather because those are incredibly harmful in themselves, being psychologically (hard work, burden of expectations) and physically (unhealthy diets, tons of makeup at early age with sensitive skin, and a ton of terrible practices) taxing for a child. Sending a child to those is ripping out their childhood and forcing them through things in life they're not ready for.

I don't fully grasp the "endgame of pedophilia" concept, but if you mean "what will you do if society will accept you no matter what you do", then the endgame is to be able to be treated like non-pedophilic individuals, being, well, socially accepted. We do not want the society to allow people to abuse children, and even if it were legal and acceptable, we would not do this, because the reason is not laws or societal attitudes, but actual harm. If any of such restrictions would be lifted, we'd be the first to raise awareness of such madness. We'd feel safer, though, hanging out around kids, being amazing parents, teachers, and friends. We love children in all ways, and it warms our hearts helping them explore our amazing world, navigating the issues they might have, caring about them, and just spending time around.

Unfortunately, confidentiality is breached more often than we'd like, for no apparent reason. There are many instances of pedophiles being outed by therapists, as well as anecdotal cases of therapists reporting to the police who were like "uhm, yes, so what?". So, it is more dangerous than one would imagine.

[-] Verto@r.nf 8 points 8 months ago

I was not sexually abused as a child, although I had some early near-sexual experiences (around 7yo) with peers. But I don't know what to make of it. Generally, I think I was just born this way.

[-] Verto@r.nf 6 points 8 months ago

Thank you for understanding!

[-] Verto@r.nf 8 points 8 months ago

In my case, I am not out, since it adds a lot of risks for me, and I'm generally careful on who I'm out to - there's always a chance a person can use that against me, or just freak out and out me knowing I'm attracted to children.

But I do sometimes babysit children, and I'm considered to be an excellent person to trust children to among friends and family - someone who will entertain kids, properly care about them, follow all the requests parents may have. Children love and trust me too - I pay a lot of attention to their needs and always listen up on anything that's on their mind; I also mediated several conflicts between kids and parents, and earned a reputation of a person who can solve things in a way that makes both sides happy. At the end of the day, both parents and kids see me as a close and trusted friend.

[-] Verto@r.nf 7 points 8 months ago

Sure thing - protecting children is the highest priority.

And currently, protecting children and helping us combat stigma go hand in hand. At the very least, in a part where we could open up about our issues without fear and get professional help if needed.

I, too, like the veganism analogy. As per "brain wired wrong" - previously I would refer to my situation just the same way, but when you live with it long enough, it becomes normal, and the curiosity sparks not on "why am I like this", but rather "why others are different". Regular people find children cute, beautiful, lovely. But then, when it comes to actually feeling something for them, people just don't. This always made me feel weird. But yes, your case is the norm, and ours is exception - probably for the better :)

[-] Verto@r.nf 5 points 8 months ago
[-] Verto@r.nf 4 points 8 months ago

Ah. Well, as I said, merely abusing a child doesn't constitute an attraction, you're right on that. There is plenty of non-pedophilic child abusers (in fact, those constitute about half of all cases for sexual abuse of minors), just as there's plenty of pedophiles who never touched a child.

Constituting an attraction is therefore a separate task involving complicated equipment and testing methods.

[-] Verto@r.nf 7 points 8 months ago

Possessing or producing loli/shota or other fictional materials - no punishment

Possessing CSAM generated by other people with no intention of redistribution = police warning, then administrative arrest, then ~2 years in prison

Posessing CSAM generated by other people with the intention of redistribution = 4+ years in prison

Possessing CSAM generated by the person with no intention of redistribution = all charges related to child molestation +4 or more years in prison

Possessing CSAM generated by the person with the intention of redistribution = all charges related to child molestation +8 or more years in prison

Something along these lines

view more: ‹ prev next ›

Verto

joined 8 months ago