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submitted 10 months ago by qW7xXbu5J@lemmy.world to c/avpd@sh.itjust.works

After a suicide attempt and seeing a psychiatrist I was told I probably have avpd. I lurk on Reddit, and checked out the avpd subreddit. My god. I found people just like me. It’s not depression. It’s not social anxiety. I’m not autistic. It’s just a complete… inability to create friendships. I’m just broken.

I’m so full of shame for the way I was brought up, and for where I am in life now. I just can’t connect with people. Why would any one want me as a friend? I don’t want me as a friend. I can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair… I can’t meet people because I’m 100% sure they’ll find me repulsive. I came from an idiotic cult-like family. Didn’t get sent to school. Never had a friend. Spent years as a NEET. Past few years I’ve had a job, and I’m trying to break out, but it’s just clearly highlighted how far away from the normal I am. It’s soul destroying. There’s no catching-up, because I’m just broken. I quit. I need help, but no one seems to be able to.

I’be been told to ask customer-service workers how their day’s been, as social skills practice by my therapist. I’ve done it, and it’s awkward or gets shut down with one word answers. I know they’re busy and DON’T want to talk to me. I’m harrassing people at their jobs.

I’m dead on the inside, but it still hurts. Even if they know nothing about me they can detect my sever depressed mood. No one likes that. It’s repulsive.

Posting here because I get shadow-banned on Reddit for protecting my privacy (using tor), and because I’m a free software advocate.

I’m running out of money. I dread getting another low skilled job to donate all my wages to a landlord so I can have a freindless hole to waste away in. I’m so close to trying again. A different method this time. As I got older I’ve realised the only worthwhile thing in life are relationships. Ironic. I hate this. I can’t do this anymore. I was a mistake. I need to die. I make everything worse. I’ve never wanted to be here. No time in my life have I ever been happy to be alive. Fuck this. Fuck my retarded parent. What the fuck were they thinking.

vent vent vent vent it doesn’t get better.

Can we create a group of avpd and... form friendships? You're right. What was I thinking.

[-] qW7xXbu5J@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Article with a brief explanation of what's happening to the world's economies and potential outlooks: https://www.mckinsey.com/mgi/overview/the-future-of-wealth-and-growth-hangs-in-the-balance#four-scenarios . No, the banks nor the RBA are out to make you homeless ffs.

[-] qW7xXbu5J@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

You're completely delusional. Understandable, because you're invested in the delusion. The pun is free of charge. No need to pay rent on it.

The RBA's cash rate had been abnormally low, near zero, for a long time. It was abberant. I'm sure there's a reason it had been like that, and I'm sure that reasoning involved lots of America. But you people need to understand it was not, and is not, normal. It's not going back down. (At least not until the Americans drag it down again.)

The residential investor class in Australia is largely made up of amateurs being sold on hype and ideas of free money. "Stack your mortgages up on top of each other and get tennants to pay it off for you, plus profits!" The whole sector is full of jokers. And they kept on rolling in, inflating the price of housing with the banks' eagerness to finance speculation with ever cheaper money.

"But some people just won't be able to afford to buy. We're providing housing. If the big meanie banks make our loans cheaper we'll lower your rents. Pinky promise. :("

Use some logic, please, I beg of you, to at least present as a more sympathetic victim if nothing else. Why was the price of housing and rentals not going down when money was gradually getting cheaper? We've had your scenario play out already, and housing got more expensive.

Secondly, that's the banks role, not yours (to provide housing to those that can't afford the immediate outlay, in a round about way): to bring forward future expenditure. You know, to loan money. It's meant to be good for the economy.

Your role, as a landlord, is that of a parasite. Sorry, there's no glorious role here for your lot within the larger economy. From Adam Smith in the 18th century, to Henry George in the 19th, to who the fuck knows who in the 20th, to the unemployed, couchsurfer Brian in the 21st: landlords have not been seen as productive to the economy. Bearable, and injurious when too large. Never welcome. In Australia, their collective cries of "woe is me" is just... sad. A touch of pathetic, but mainly a deep sadness. A country that thought it could make nothing, and just perpetually rent out and/or flog stolen commodities.

Australia, you have a big problem. It's been decades in the making. I wish the federal government would be more visionary and lead in nation building. Its citizens don't have a fucking clue.

[-] qW7xXbu5J@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Website says "sold out", but then prompts the user to join the wait list saying few tickets left. So which one is it? thinking emoji

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Life's dumb. (lemmy.world)

Do people actually enjoy life? I've known, superficially, people that appear happy, but I have a suspicion it's all an elaborate act. Life's mundane, and boring. It's all the fucking same. Go anywhere on the planet, the people are all the same, doing all the same things, in slight variations.

Nature's an unimaginative joke. Clones of clones with variations. Much wow. Much spiraturality. Those giant rocks changed my life. That whale spoke to me personally. That tree healed me. Are people fucking serious? Are people so cognitively inept that being reminded that there's things outside themselves, alive or not, is a life affirming act?

I just want to disappear. The older I get the more dissapointed I become. There's nothing here that gives any sense of joy. Medication doesn't work. Therapies don't work. Self-aware life is hell. If anyone's happy or content their self-awareness must be sufficiently limited. Blah, blah, blah. Just rambling. I hate this. People who have children are the worst.

[-] qW7xXbu5J@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Does no one else find it absurd that both corporations and governments increasingly rely on Google and a small group of other American companies simply to host critical files. This entrenches them as monopolistic, parasitical third parties, driving out competition and ensuing that they're the only gatekeepers between vital civic and business activities.

I don't want to do business with Google, and I can't, because I do not agree to their terms. If governments want to shunt their services to "apps" they have to actually do the leg work and create domestic infrastructure, both the physical and software side, to support them. The current state is completely bizarre, and a sovereignty issue. Equievelant to showing up to a state-school and being barred from an education because you don't have one of two pre-approved pens made by their favoured American partners. Why are the commentariat so mute on this topic?

Any contracts the government undertakes with private firms for software solutions should stipulate that the software is to be open source, and the derivative data a public asset. Currently private providers are getting royalty-free streams of data that only serve to entrench their economic dominance.

Foo company gets to train its 'AI' algorithms on a stream of state-backed data, shuts up shop in Australia, and sells its product to less developed, foreign states demanding exorbitant prices because the software is trained on larger and higher quality data sets that were derived from the contracts of modern, stable states that their competitors were not able to get.

The nature of 'buying' software is not the same as that of buying physical goods. It's a different bargain, and the buyer always seems to get short changed.

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Looking for a psychologist or therapist, maybe. Preferably someone who has worked with cases of extreme isolation. Seen a few at random before, for various durations (longest for nearly a year), and they've all been completely inept at understanding my past and were not at all helpful.

Grew up in a cult-like environment, with no socialising as a child or young adult. Trying to recover as a former recluse and socially-stunted adult. Need some professional help, but don't really know where to get it. Past experiences have left me feeling like the whole profession is a scam though. Pay around $300 a session for them to tell you to take a walk and look at the trees.

[-] qW7xXbu5J@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Yes, Yacy is what you want OP (https://yacy.net). It's rather pathetic that people are still trying to be a parasite, but wanting to do so anonymously. Roll up your sleaves and commit your resources to making community search engines work. You have the control.

[-] qW7xXbu5J@lemmy.world -1 points 1 year ago

When do we commercialise for the owners? Can't wait to be exploited in novel ways.

[-] qW7xXbu5J@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Why? So you see other retards, like yourself, struggling to live an adequate life? These are the most depressing groups I've ever been to. Never left one feeling less misserable than when I went in. Funny.

[-] qW7xXbu5J@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

That yearning sense of isolation never leaves. You could be hugged everyday. Doesn't matter.

qW7xXbu5J

joined 1 year ago