I generally don't remember my dreams; at least, not for longer than a couple minutes after waking up.
Over the last month however; I've had three rather upsetting dreams that don't seem to want to fade from my usually poor memory. I'm going to describe them below; have you had anything similar lately?
I guess I'll work my way up from least to most upsetting. This is going to be fairly long, so I'll end each with a quick TLDR.
Two nights ago:
I woke up in my room [in dream], feeling extra groggy/dizzy and really warm. I didn't think much of it, but went to leave my room and found my door was closed. That's bizarre as my door is always open. I tried to open it but the handle wouldn't turn and the door wouldn't budge at all. Then I noticed it was really warm to touch, crouched down and saw the flickering light of fire under the door.
I ran screaming 'Fire! Fire! Help!', first trying to trigger the fire alarm (Apartment. There's a fire alarm in each of the bedrooms, but the button on it is to silence it, not trigger it. It's automatically triggered by heat/smoke detectiors, or pull stations in the communal hallways/stairwells) then running to the window to call for help. There I found we were on the ground floor instead of the fifth floor I actually live on, so I escaped out that window and ran to rescue my sister+mother in their own rooms. My sister was already on her way out when I got there so I continued to my mom's room.
When I turned the corner of the building; I found my moms windows were tiny, the size of cat doors. I began screaming into them trying to wake my mother, who's chronically fatigued and usually deep asleep while mentally panicking trying to figure out how we're going to get her out of there with these super tiny windows. After screaming for a minute or two I was just starting to see movement that I thought was her getting up, when I woke up....
TLDR: woke up in an apartment fire and struggled to save my mother. Woke before resolved.
The very next night:
I had taken a bus to a different city for some medical treatment. Whatever that was had been completed and I needed to get home, but was struggling to figure out how. Unfamiliar city, asking people for directions they just shrugged me off, and I was just feeling very mentally overwhelmed and unstable (this alone is quite unusual for me).
While trying to figure out how to get home, looking down at my phone; some sketchy looking guy sneaks up on me (I mostly just didn't notice him approach from behind) and surprises me asking questions. I don't remember much detail there (what he looked like/asked), I just remember feeling immediately uncomfortable/unsafe and startled, so I quickly walk away not talking to him, while discretely pulling out my pocket knife and getting ready to use it if necessary.
I head to the other side of the building I was beside and continue trying to figure out how to use my phone to get home, struggling to use gmaps; when sketchy guy sneaks up from behind a second time. This time I lunge at him and try to stab and slash him with my knife probably a dozen times, but find it's incredibly dull and doing absolutely nothing. It may as well be plastic. Guy is not getting upset/aggressive at all, in fact he's just kind of laughing at me and commenting on how dull the knife is.
This is all adding to the feeling of mental instability and being overwhelmed, quite dramatically.
The next thing I remember; I'm standing in the middle of a road intersection desperately trying to type 'home' into the destination for google maps, but the phone keeps replacing whatever I type with some long name I don't recognize. I end up handing the phone to the same guy I had tried to stab and through tears sobbed 'please type home for me'
At that point I was completely and utterly overwhelmed by the whole situation and had a total mental breakdown. I collapsed in a heap in the middle of the road, doing that ugly crying where you're not even making sounds because you just can't get any air in or out. I had pulled my shirt off to use as a rag, wiping my face off, but it was absolutely soaked in tears, snot, and sweat.
The last thing I remember is laying on my back in the road, eyes clamped shut as hard as the muscles could, but trying/wanting to open my eyes; and just clawing at my throat and chest desperately trying to take a breath, but woefully unable to; like my body was shutting down and suffocating me. Then I woke up...
TLDR: I got lost in an unfamiliar city and suffered a complete and total mental breakdown after trying (and failing) to kill a guy I thought was going to hurt me.
I want to add a disclaimer before this one: I fucking despise Nazi ideology. People are people, we're all equal, just living our lives making our own choices and everyone should have to opportunity to live freely doing the things they love.
Racism, sexism, and hate all around have no place in this world.
Last dream, around 3 weeks ago:
I was a guard in what I can only assume was a Nazi prison camp; specifically standing guard during executions by electricity. I don't explicitly remember any nazi symbols, but there's a gut feeling that that's what it was.
A woman and man were both brought in, chained to the wall and connected to wires. It seemed clear from everyone's body language and demeanor that we all knew this was very wrong, yet we were still doing it. Someone flipped the switch, and I remember turning away and pounding the wall with my fist in despair. I also remember the sound of this woman, now behind me, just screaming on top of electrical buzzing/sparking sounds. That haunting sound just won't fade, it's so vivid in my memory...
I turned back when it was over, grabbed the hand of the woman's now smoking corpse, and just quietly said "I'm sorry". That's where I woke up.
TLDR: Participated in/listened to/was a Nazi executing people via electrocution.
I at least had a nice peaceful sleep lastnight... Slept a good 7ish hours comfortable and uninterrupted and I don't recall any bizarre or upsetting dreams from it.
Thank you for listening to/reading my self-inflicted(?) trauma dump. Sry if I chose the wrong place for it.
